Any advice for the newly paraplegic? (now that's a bummer OP or what?)

[Ale]

Not for me, but for a friend’s girlfriend.

She had an accident last week riding a motorcycle on an island, darn it’s hard to write but she fell of a cliff on an unmarked sharp turn at the top of a hill.

RANT MODE ENGAGED

Bloody hell, when are they going to take road safety seriously in this country?. No signs, no barrier, appalling road conditions and horrendous, if present at all, road safety education. My GF’s brother had two motorcycle accidents a couple years ago, second one fatal.
SPECIALLY on the islands; last time I was in Koh Tao, waiting at the pier for the ferry there were half a dozen bandaged, crutcheted, bruised and generally banged up guys on line, most probably the result of bike accidents.

RANT OFF (not exactly Pit material but I’ve got more important things to concentrate on here)

So, this girl, mid twenties ended up with a broken spine; needless to say this fell pretty horrible among those around her, but I’ve been told she has shown remarkable strength through it.
Until now I haven’t really talked with my friend about it, he’s a colleague and I’ve only seen him a few times at the office since then and those times I’ve tried to keep things focused on our work, he looks like he needs to put this situation aside and give some rest to his mind for a few hours a day.

So… my friend has been quite busy keeping company to her GF, dealing with insurance and bills and just being stressed and depressed. I’d like to lend a hand but I wouldn’t know what to do or say.
I’m looking for advice I can relay to my friend, the practical matters of dealing with the situation. I don’t know, like, what kind of wheel chair would be best, any changes they should make at their place, things like that.

Thanks in advance, folks.

[Ionizer]

May or may not be quite the same thing…but search/look for posts by ‘blinkie’ here on the Dope. The person of said name is ‘locked-in’, so to speak (way worse, IMHO, than paraplegia, but similar enough, I guess for this topic at the moment).

Blinkie provides amazing insight into things that may be of interest, and likely will be eventually. IMHO, it should be required reading for folks who think they have it rough.

I have no personal experience with this situation, but have learned some great things from ‘blinkie’. (thanks again, blinkie!!!)

Hope that tidbit helps at least a little. Kudos to you for giving a darn about her Wish I could offer more.

[GESancMan]

I’m not sure this is what you’re looking for, but… ten years ago my cousin fell of a cliff, and broke his neck and his back in two places. Amazingly, he came out of the deal paraplegic, not a quad. He was in the hospital for six months, and during that time I visited several times a week. I got to know many people that had recently become paras and quads. I’ve never seen a group that is more positive about life - I think they were happy to still be alive.

The main thing I learned is that these people want to be treated like human beings. If you’re* uncomfortable around them, they’re obviously going to pick up on that, and become uncomfortable in turn. Learn to just act natural around them. This becomes easy to do if you hang out with them enough.

Also, it’s our natural tendency to want to help them out as much as possible, which is a good thing, but can easily be carried too far. They want, and need, to be able to do things for themselves; if you jump up and try to help them with every little thing, you’re not helping them learn how to live life. I wish I knew how to describe this better… by way of example, if a para decides he or she wants a glass of water, and you watch them struggle a bit getting a glass, reaching up to the sink, etc., just let them do it, don’t take over and do it for them. OTOH, if they drop something on the ground and can’t reach it, by all means pick it up for them. These aren’t the best examples, but hopefully you get my meaning.

On the lighter side… if you’re going to be visiting the hospital and it’s within your means, bring food. Save them from the garbage they normally have to eat, and you will become a hero. I was the GM of a pizza place when my cousin was in the hospital, and a couple of times a week I’d show up with eight or ten pizzas and feed the entire spinal recovery unit. I was legendary around there.

One other interesting thing I learned, though this may have been local to the hospital my cousin was in: “visiting hours” are a sham. The hospital had set hours, and those of us who knew better ignored them. The hospital staff didn’t care a whit if we stayed past the time we were supposed to leave, or showed up outside of visiting hours, or whatever. Go when you want, stay as long as you like.
*By “you” I don’t mean you in particular, OP, just using the word in the generic sense.

[aceplace57]

Most states have rehabilitation hospitals specifically for spinal cord injuries. The patient is taught how to live independently. They cover transfers from bed into a wheelchair, wheelchair into a car etc. Exercise for the upper body is a big part of it.

A friend of mine went through the program in my state. I’ve often heard the majority of spinal cord patients are in their teens and early 20’s. Diving into shallow water is a common accident for teens. Car wrecks too. I visited my buddy several times. It wasn’t bad at all. Most of the patients were healthy and alert. Spinal cord injuries limit physical movement. The person is usually not ill from it.

There’s also a lot of rehab hospitals for stroke patients. That’s a totally different environment. Patients are elderly and they have a variety of age related problems. The entire environment is more like a nursing home.

[Cat_Whisperer]

I don’t have a lot of experience with paraplegics, but I did work for a while at a business that sold wheelchairs and other supplies for disabled people, and one of the staff members there was a guy in a wheelchair. I’d say you’ve already gotten good advice here; a girl in a wheelchair is still the same girl, with less mobility. Oh, one thing that hasn’t been mentioned yet - a wheelchair should be treated like an extension of the person, as in don’t touch it or kick it or whatever casually.

[Broomstick]

@Ale

I’m looking for advice I can relay to my friend, the practical matters of dealing with the situation. I don’t know, like, what kind of wheel chair would be best, any changes they should make at their place, things like that…

This may sound odd, but at this point in the recovery process the paraplegic herself might not know what sort of wheelchair is best. She needs to heal up, go through rehab, and figure out what works best for her.

You don’t say where this girl lives, and that can have an enormous impact on her life. I might be able to say something useful for living in Chicago with a disability, but not Bangkok (which is your location in your profile)

In general, it’s a good idea for her to remain as active as possible. If, for example, she lived around here I’d direct her to some local bike trails that would also be very accessible to a wheelchair. Again, though, that will have to wait for awhile as she recover from her injury and learns what her new limitations are.

Meanwhile - THIS works for anyone dealing with a medical crisis: offer to help with household chores. Your offer won’t always be accepted but offering will be appreciated. Even a little of this can go a long way to reducing stress. Offer to shop for groceries, or to bring over dinner occasionally. I assume she’s in some sort of medical facility at the moment, but it would be a very nice gesture to get a few people together and really give her living space a cleaning just before she arrives home. She’ll need to relearn how to do many cleaning chores she used to take for granted, but at least she’ll be starting from a clean home and not a dirty/cluttered one.

[may_be_ignorant]

Ask Blinkie, he’s awesome.

[Ale]

@Ionizer

May or may not be quite the same thing…but search/look for posts by ‘blinkie’ here on the Dope. The person of said name is ‘locked-in’, so to speak (way worse, IMHO, than paraplegia, but similar enough, I guess for this topic at the moment).

I’ve seen Blinkie’s thread, it’s just amazing. I suppose I should read it again with this new perspective.

@GESancMan

I’m not sure this is what you’re looking for, but… ten years ago my cousin fell of a cliff, and broke his neck and his back in two places. Amazingly, he came out of the deal paraplegic, not a quad. He was in the hospital for six months, and during that time I visited several times a week. I got to know many people that had recently become paras and quads. I’ve never seen a group that is more positive about life - I think they were happy to still be alive.

The main thing I learned is that these people want to be treated like human beings. If you’re* uncomfortable around them, they’re obviously going to pick up on that, and become uncomfortable in turn. Learn to just act natural around them. This becomes easy to do if you hang out with them enough.

This may be silly, but when it finally sunk in that she was definitely paraplegic one of the first thoughts I had was that she should go diving.
My friend and her were going to go on holidays next week to the Similan archipelago in the Andaman Sea and do some diving there.
I thought that what she should not give up on doing things like that, not next week of course, but as soon as possible.

@GESancMan

Also, it’s our natural tendency to want to help them out as much as possible, which is a good thing, but can easily be carried too far. They want, and need, to be able to do things for themselves; if you jump up and try to help them with every little thing, you’re not helping them learn how to live life. I wish I knew how to describe this better… by way of example, if a para decides he or she wants a glass of water, and you watch them struggle a bit getting a glass, reaching up to the sink, etc., just let them do it, don’t take over and do it for them. OTOH, if they drop something on the ground and can’t reach it, by all means pick it up for them. These aren’t the best examples, but hopefully you get my meaning.

On the lighter side… if you’re going to be visiting the hospital and it’s within your means, bring food. Save them from the garbage they normally have to eat, and you will become a hero. I was the GM of a pizza place when my cousin was in the hospital, and a couple of times a week I’d show up with eight or ten pizzas and feed the entire spinal recovery unit. I was legendary around there.

I agree with the helping too much part, I believe that either you can help or you should stay out of the way. There’s this girl at the office, she went to a hospital to get an opinion from a doctor about this case, the doctor said he could fix the injury and my friend’s GF could walk again. I know the girl meant well, but she called my friend telling him that and didn’t make things any better by it. The doctor she saw didn’t have any information about the case, X-Rays, MRIs or whatever; and by saying that she could be fixed sent my friend into “what if” land, wondering what if he had taken her to that other hospital, or what if this doctor is right, etc. Not good at all.
Good idea about the food, I’m sure she’ll appreciate that.

@aceplace57

Most states have rehabilitation hospitals specifically for spinal cord injuries. The patient is taught how to live independently. They cover transfers from bed into a wheelchair, wheelchair into a car etc. Exercise for the upper body is a big part of it.

A friend of mine went through the program in my state. I’ve often heard the majority of spinal cord patients are in their teens and early 20’s. Diving into shallow water is a common accident for teens. Car wrecks too. I visited my buddy several times. It wasn’t bad at all. Most of the patients were healthy and alert. Spinal cord injuries limit physical movement. The person is usually not ill from it.

There’s also a lot of rehab hospitals for stroke patients. That’s a totally different environment. Patients are elderly and they have a variety of age related problems. The entire environment is more like a nursing home.

My brother had a friend that snaped his neck like that, went on a day trip and first thing he does when getting to the place is jump head first into the river.
Kids, never EVER NEVER dive into a body of water where you can’t see what’s under the surface.
This is Thailand here, I don’t know if there are programs like that here. I think I should look it up and see if I find something.

@Cat_Whisperer

I don’t have a lot of experience with paraplegics, but I did work for a while at a business that sold wheelchairs and other supplies for disabled people, and one of the staff members there was a guy in a wheelchair. I’d say you’ve already gotten good advice here; a girl in a wheelchair is still the same girl, with less mobility. Oh, one thing that hasn’t been mentioned yet - a wheelchair should be treated like an extension of the person, as in don’t touch it or kick it or whatever casually.

I’ll keep the last part in mind for later on, thanks.

@Broomstick

This may sound odd, but at this point in the recovery process the paraplegic herself might not know what sort of wheelchair is best. She needs to heal up, go through rehab, and figure out what works best for her.

You don’t say where this girl lives, and that can have an enormous impact on her life. I might be able to say something useful for living in Chicago with a disability, but not Bangkok (which is your location in your profile)

In general, it’s a good idea for her to remain as active as possible. If, for example, she lived around here I’d direct her to some local bike trails that would also be very accessible to a wheelchair. Again, though, that will have to wait for awhile as she recover from her injury and learns what her new limitations are.

Meanwhile - THIS works for anyone dealing with a medical crisis: offer to help with household chores. Your offer won’t always be accepted but offering will be appreciated. Even a little of this can go a long way to reducing stress. Offer to shop for groceries, or to bring over dinner occasionally. I assume she’s in some sort of medical facility at the moment, but it would be a very nice gesture to get a few people together and really give her living space a cleaning just before she arrives home. She’ll need to relearn how to do many cleaning chores she used to take for granted, but at least she’ll be starting from a clean home and not a dirty/cluttered one.

Well, in one hand Bangkok it’s flat as a mirror, so that is good; but on the other hand it’s not a wheelchair friendly place… hell, it’s not even a pedestrian friendly city. :mad:
Luckly she lives in a quiet part of town, without much traffic and I think she wouldn’t have any problem moving around the neighborhood.

[Cat_Whisperer]

@Broomstick

This may sound odd, but at this point in the recovery process the paraplegic herself might not know what sort of wheelchair is best. She needs to heal up, go through rehab, and figure out what works best for her.<snip>

The company I used to work for did wheelchair fittings - she’ll probably work with an expert in the field at a local company to get a proper, suitable chair.

[running_coach]

Besides cleaning the house, you need a therapist(if one won’t be doing this already) to go through the house to make sure it’s accessible. Can she get into the bathroom? She might need rails installed for the toilet and tub, maybe a bath chair and hand-held showerhead.

Check for space to maneuver through all the rooms, you may need to re-arrange furniture.

[Broomstick]

@Cat_Whisperer

The company I used to work for did wheelchair fittings - she’ll probably work with an expert in the field at a local company to get a proper, suitable chair.

Well, that would be the case in many countries, but I’m concerned that it may not be the case where she is.

@runner pat

Check for space to maneuver through all the rooms, you may need to re-arrange furniture.

Re-arrange furniture? I hope she doesn’t have to widen any doorways! Seriously, that can be a big issue with older housing here in the US, and even some newer places. It wouldn’t surprise me if that could be an issue elsewhere, too!

[running_coach]

@Broomstick

Well, that would be the case in many countries, but I’m concerned that it may not be the case where she is.
Re-arrange furniture? **I hope she doesn’t have to widen any doorways! ** Seriously, that can be a big issue with older housing here in the US, and even some newer places. It wouldn’t surprise me if that could be an issue elsewhere, too!

Doorways should not be a problem for a standard chair, it’s the narrow hallways with little turning room that can be a problem.

[BoBettie]

I’m sorry for your friend and frankly there’s probably not much that you can do right now except be there as a friend and help research things when asked. One thing stuck out at me from the second post here regarding her doing diving again. When she is healed up from her injury if she choses to still scuba dive, there are instructors worldwide that specialized in training/re-training people with disabilities so that they can dive. The company I work for does it as do many others here in KL. If you’re interested in information on that down the road, shout and I’ll send you some info or help you find an instructor near her that can assist.

[Broomstick]

There’s actually a lot of people who will train the disabled to do things like ski, scuba, fly airplanes, play sports, run (wheel?) marathons, etc. One of her biggest obstacles will not be her physical limitations (though unquestionably they will be obstacles) but rather the attitudes of those around her saying “you can’t” before she’s had a chance to try.

[cuberdon]

No one seems to have mentioned the movie Murderball, but I would recommend watching it. It’s about parapalegic rugby with profiles of the players, including one newly injured para. It is about young men not young women, so the dynamics will probably be different, however their positive attitude was in line with what several posters have already mentioned and pretty impressive.

[Nava]

Ale, you don’t mention whether your friends speak Spanish or not, but this is the webpage of the Hospital de Parapléjicos de Toledo, a Spanish hospital which specializes in spine lesions.

There are things like an accesibility checklist, under Servicios/Referencias

[redtail23]

Definitely find a rehab place that specializes in her type of injury. Having rehab by specialists can make a HUGE difference in quality of life.

Those folks can help y’all figure out the best answers to the rest of your questions.

I’ve had several relatives in hospital for long stays. I always decorate the rooms - it seems to help morale quite a bit (often for employees as well). Get a bunch of balloons, ribbons, posters, what-have-you, and go nuts.

Definitely help out with the food - hospital food is teh suxxors!

Could you organize with some other friends - a person or two to bring dinner & keep company at the hospital, while a couple of you take boyfriend out for a respite? The caretaker needs to get away once in a while for some fun (not just work), but it can be difficult.

Best wishes!