You know sometimes in college we don’t always get the grades we hoped for. Sure you start a semester thinking
-“Boy I’m really gonna knock 'em dead this time. I’m gonna more than just make up for that summer psychology class. Well, it really wasn’t that bad I guess. So I went into a panic during the midterm, got blind drunk with a few friends that night and woke up in Southern Panama 2 and a half weeks later. That’s just part of being in college”.
But this upcoming semester you’re gonna set it all straight by buckling down and getting the best darn grades possible. You keep your head high above water for three whole months when the tidal wave hits:
-“How am I ever going to write three papers, study for 4 exams, and prepare a 40 minute oral on the subject of 4-holed versus 2-holed shirt buttons?!?!”
Yes it all always seems to hit right at that point, a week or 2 before finals, and that begins the downward spiral, you lose control, you start loading yourself up with coffee, then finally go right for the vivarin, staying up 2, 3 nights at a time with no sleep, relief seems no where in sight. And at the apex of this neverending mountain of stressors, finals week. Of course, with your luck your 6 housemates have all completed their finals when you still have 2 the upcoming Monday, so they decide to throw the biggest party of all time, it starts on Friday and just cruises through Saturday on into Sunday and starts dwindling down early Sunday evening. By 5pm everyone is gone except for those 10-12 hangin around for the afterparty. And you, never being one to turn down a good time, especially when pumped full of all that caffeine, just go with the flow drinking and dancing and acting crazy. Until Mondey morning comes.
Now you are all run down, anxious, you feel a nasty cold, nay a flu, nay pnemonia, coming on. The worst, nastiest pnemonia of your life. Your throat is sore. Your immune system is at its lowest. You could almost hear those little immune cells talking to you in a faint little airy whisper “please, please, just give us one more shot of tequila, that we may die valiently. Don’t leave us whither like this.”
You are completely unprepared for the upcoming exams, you of course fail all your classes miserably, putting you behind yet another semester, which unfortunately puts you beyond the quota set by your parents as to the number of semesters that they have agreed to support you for. You drop out of school, never quite earn a degree, take a mindless clerical position which, when asked about your career, causes you to hesitate, you grow older, bitter, depressed, alone. Nobody wants to be with a loser with a low self-image.
Your in the same position for 15, 20, 25 years earning barely enough to get by, when your depression starts to effect company productivity. Finally the boss decides it’s time to let you go. There’s no goodbye party for you, since you really weren’t that popular of a worker anyway, most don’t even realize you’re gone till 6 months down the road when they might see your name attached to an old work-related email as they clean out their inbox.
What do you do now? your in your mid-forties, no job, minimal qualifications, no where to go, no one to talk to. You can’t afford the shrink anymore, now that you don’t have medical coverage. You find a cold corner in a bad part of town, lie down and die anonymously.
Does this scenario sound familar? Of course it does. That’s why Soma Johnson has created her new line of Xanax enhanced chicken soups. Yes! That’s Right!! Xanax enhanced chicken soup. Will they gaurantee you a blissful life with a highpaying job and a great relationship? well no, but they can remove that knawing anxiety you might experience during exam time while supporting your immune system against that nasty pnemonia. Who knows, you may get that degree after all.
Soma Johnson - improving the experience of life for you.
