Alternate title: My Second Life is as Lame as my First.
Have any Dopers experienced Second Life? I want to hear about it.
After hearing an intriguing story on the radio show “Infinite Mind” on NPR about Second Life, I decided to check it out. (The story was about a virtual concert.)
I signed up for a free account, chose an avatar, and downloaded the software. Now, when you choose an avatar, the site assures you that you can easily change it. None of the choices for women was that great, so I picked one that at least was wearing something more interesting than a rugby shirt and jeans.
Unfortunately, the one I picked was called “Sexy Nightclub Female.” Folks, I’m 48 and, um, on the zaftig side. I spent a little time fiddling around with the appearance, then decided to move on to the orientation “island.”
I had not been there more than a couple of minutes when guys started hitting on me. “Wow, Freckafree, you look really hot. I wish I had a gf that looked like you.” One guy asked me to add him to my friends list, and I spent a little time walking around with him, until I decided I needed to quit and go to bed.
Next evening, I spent a considerable amount of time changing the appearance of my avatar. A little more flesh on the body and not so much of it showing, for starters. Then I went exploring again.
My “friend” was online, so he asked me if I wanted to join him at a beach, and I said sure. He teleported me there. He had neglected to mention it was a nude beach. And he did not comment on the fact that I looked completely different than I did last night.
I was totally overdressed for any beach, much less a nude one, and when he asked me if I’d like to doff some of my clothing, I thought, “Damn! I just spent an hour trying to figure out how to dress myself, and now he wants me to get naked.” Seriously, I was afraid I hadn’t saved my clothes properly and if I took them off, I wouldn’t be able to put them back on. So I kept my duds on.
I was so inept at moving around it was laughable. I couldn’t figure out how to sit, but when I finally did, I ended up on a beach lounge chair, cuddled up in the arms of my “friend.” How’d that happen?!?? I just wanted to sit, for Og’s sake!
He asked me to follow him (I did figure out how to stand back up!), and we walk to a more secluded area, where he asked if he can kiss me. I said yes, although the whole experience was by now starting to freak me out a bit. I had finally gotten the hang of right clicking on things, so I saw a pink dot labled “kiss” and right clicked it. The problem was I wasn’t close enough to my friend, so my avatar is standing there, kissing nothing. After I stopped laughing, I repositioned myself, and the guy and I kissed.
I couldn’t figure out how to stop, though, so I just sat down. That I had mastered, at least. My friend clearly wanted to go beyond kissing, although I did not see any pink dots labeled “fuck,” so I’m not sure how this would have happened. I demured, and he pretty much dumped me, right on the beach, the cad!
I went back to the orientation island, but now that I no longer looked like a hooker Barbi doll, I was ignored totally, which I found pretty funny.
I thought, “I am going about this wrong. I need to find a library or a book store if I want to find someone to talk to.” So I searched, and although I found a couple, they all appeared to be totally devoid of people. Everybody must still have been at the nude beach.
The whole experience was more than a little surreal, although I think I might give it another try…