Not flaming chainsaws, I hope.
Hasn’t happened to me yet but my daughter is only 14 months old. She gets my wife in the boob all the time though. She loves to grab her nipples.
My kids do this to my husband all the time. My 4 year old is just the right height to accidentally hit him on a regular basis. The 6 year old has managed to avoid it lately; there is much agonized yelling when it happens, and he doesn’t like that. 
My 4 year old is also getting very good at throwing himself at me when I am sitting down and jabbing an elbow into my breasts which really really hurts, although I realize it’s not at bad as my husband’s pain.
Balls? Never. My kids had better aim. They’d take out one at a time so I could experience the full brunt on one nut.
The Rykid has scored a couple nardshots over the years, but the worst smackdown he gave me was a backhanded karate chop to the Adam’s apple (unintentionally). It was a hard shot and eventually left a big bruise on my throat…just as I was starting a new job and had to get my picture taken for my badge.
Real attractive look, that.
Never mind overacting wimps; what I don’t understand is why all parents aren’t wearing cups and helmets at all times, until their kids are about 12. I’ve seen the head-throwing back maneuver, and it’s a testament to how strong the drive to not kill your own progeny is, in my opinion.
I have no children. Fortunately, a substitute child stepped up to the plate one day and allowed me to experience the joy of being racked by someone against whom you cannot retaliate. This was in the health center where I worked. I was minding my own business, merely trying to slip past the future ballerina practicing in the hall. Why I thought this would end well is still a mystery to me. Why I neglected to face the wall is also a mystery. Instead, I put my back to the wall and tried to shimmy past the tiny dancer as she attempted some sort of helicopter manuever. An immediate racking ensued.
Ah, how vividly I remember that day! It began when another patient left her stool sample with me. I was in IT at the time, but the lab staff had not yet arrived, and I was, in a terrifyingly literal sense, left holding the bag. I’m not sure why patients were allowed in the area before actual medical people were there to take care of them, but I guess the higher-ups figured IT was on the scene, so it was OK. It was a brown paper bag, unmarked.
Those two unrelated events are forever locked together in my mind.
I’ve been bumped and nudged in the balls on occasion, but my sense of self-preservation has let me avoid the true pain of the well-aimed lightning-fast shot to the nuts.
There was a period when Babyrian was in the Baby Bjorn that she liked to bounce her heels on my crotch, but I never had any hard shots, and usually just walked along holding her feet.
Truer words never spoken. The constant watch for the headbutt to the nards is a persistent paranoia of mine whilst my two year old runs amok. The six year old at least gets creativity points for ball shots, as he isn’t the right height anymore for the head butt manuever.
I’m reading this thread with a perma-frown plastered across my face.
I’m so not having kids.
Yeah, but the times they run towards you with arms outreached saying “Daddy, Daddy” and actually hug you outweigh the times when they run towards you with arms outreached saying “Daddy, Daddy” and then rack you in the jewels, so I suppose it’s kind of like owning an exotic pet that you’re legally responsible for.
So this is basically a universal phenomenon? Is there no father out there who hasn’t gotten hit in the family jewels? I guess cups should be issued automatically to new fathers.
I swear my posts must be invisible – people act as if they’re not there.
#14.
I’ve been hit in the nads a couple of times by the kiddies. Babies kicking can really be sneaky
Funny – I’m sure the good people in my IT department would say that everyday they are handed poorly-described shit on an hourly basis. 
I only nadded my dad once that I can remember – bouncing a pink rubber ball back and forth, I caught him on the up-bounce and completely unprepared. I was old enough to feel bad about it, too. Much worse was the time I was playing softball by myself in the back yard. Pop was tying his shoelaces on the back step, completely perpendicular to where the ball should have gone. I threw it in the air, swung, connected mightily – and drove it straight over Pop’s head, through the glass-windowed back door. If he hadn’t been bending his head to tie his laces, I probably would have bean-balled my old man!
I saw it, and I remember thinking, “He better knock on wood or his wood may get knocked on for him.”
And your last line, about MilliCal being a fan of AFV and you having a video camera, made me want to scream “It’s a trap! Run!”
Enjoy,
Steven
My youngest son likes to hop into the big easy chair with me. You can of course deduce the outcome. Fortunately, I’m already sitting down. The hard part is quelling the immediate impulse to launch the child across the room.
It’s led to what has become a family meme – “Don’t lead with the knee!!!” :eek:
I don’t remember any of us doing that to our dad, but playing racketball, I followed the ball off the back wall and hit it about as hard as I could forward, not being able to look first at what was ahead of me. I hit my dad at the base of the skull, and he sat down in a “I think I’ll control my collapsing” kind of way.
Huh? 
I was about to say ‘no’, but then remembered the Lizard Princess has stepped on my 'nads, at least once.
ETA: I really should get that testicular tuck.