Any other current/previous agoraphobics out there?

In My Humble Opinion
1

You see, I’m in a bit of a pickle, to put it blithely. I think I’m losing it again. Maybe someone here can help.

In this thread, I talked about my most recent “vacation” and how things royally sucked there. The back story for my present situation is all included in the OP, so I won’t bore anyone here with it again.

Here’s my current dilemma though…

I quit the job I that I’d gotten and really liked because I couldn’t deal with the every day-ness of it and the, admittedly, self-imposed stress (yep, that’s a surprise) I was constantly feeling. I had begun working through my lunch hour and coming in early, all off the clock, to stay caught up for things I wasn’t really behind in. When I tried the ol’ s-word route again (albeit, once more, half-heartedly), I gave up.

In the interim, I’ve gone back to work with my mother somewhat part-time, traveling to do manual, mindless (read supposedly stress-free) labor. Which for various reasons, all dealing with an awful parental dynamic (that I’ll be more than happy to elaborate on, and provide examples, if necessary), is A Very Bad Idea. However, given my mental state, it seemed permissible since she is willing to be flexible with my schedule, problems, etc.

Unfortunately, even given that leeway, I’m faltering. Panic attacks abound. Change (no matter how small and inconsequential) throws my ass for a long-amount-of-necessary-down-time loop. I still have many quirks and phobias that never appear to relent despite conquering the damn things on an almost daily basis (like driving). I’m terrified I’m going backwards. I don’t want to end up agoraphobic again.

Right now, my medication, after not improving on anything I was previously taking (and I have taken just about any drug one can suggest), consists solely on herbal supplements; St. John’s Wort and Valerian Root. They help about as much as everything else I’ve ever been on did. I’ve been trying to find a new therapist (I lost the last one due to us recently filing bankruptcy) in our small town that’s on my husband’s insurance. If there aren’t any more here, and I’m afraid I’ve exhausted them all already, I’d willingly drive quite a distance to find one that’s helpful. Sadly, in my unfortunately vast experience, I don’t have much faith left anymore. Not in therapy or medication or routines or anything. I mean, it has been on and off (but mostly on) for 7 freakin’ years and I am beyond tired.

So, that leaves me with the depression, anxiety, fear and desire to quit trying. I’m sure there are lots of Dopers out there with either personal knowledge of this or they have loved ones that do and I’m begging for some input. If you have been/are/know someone agoraphobic, how on earth do you permanently break the cycle and get back to some semblance of normalcy? Especially after a LONG time out of the human race, how do you deal with every day life and not implode? Go backwards, at least for the long haul? How do you cope with the lingering depression? Anxiety? Fear? Perhaps a better question is how do you cope, period? I’ll take any help ya got.

Oh, and to be completely thorough, I do know about breathing, imaging and relaxation techniques, to name a few. I can use those tools temporarily, but nothing ever works forever. And I end right back up being a loony-tunes basket case. Sigh.

Anyway, I appreciate all those who’ve read this far. Until I have some responses, I’m going back to doing some reading/workbooking in another self-help book on this very issue. Maybe there’ll be something I’ve overlooked from the previous five billion attempts I’ve made. God, I certainly hope so.

Thanks so much.

2

:::gentle bump:::

Hoping someone, somewhere will see this and offer any insight.

3

Oh heck - I can offer fellow -feeling, but not much insight. Still waiting for appointments with therapy-person. Am anxious at the tiniest thing, and terrifed lest I throw panic attacks outside again. Therefore, as you can guess, avoid goign outside, until completely necessary - use a taxi if I don’t think I can handle the walk or the bus etc. Don’t like talking to people or telephones etc.

So - I AM sorry I cannot help but maybe it is the other way round - your situation sounds pretty bad, but your determination to change it is great, and a good example.

Um - so that wasn’t much use to you, I think. Sorry.

Best wishes with the whole ghastly situation.

:slight_smile:

4

I am slightly agoraphobic – enough that I don’t leave the house unless I have to.

I think that being agoraphobic played a large role in the depression which ended my teaching carreer fourteen years ago. I just couldn’t go anymore. Because I had had a long history of battling depression and was able to document that, I received disability from social security and my pension from the state.

My psychiatrist – absolutely the best – has told me that I need to leave the house for two hours every day. I didn’t even last a week at doing that.

I wish that I had answers for you on how to overcome it. But generally, I am just commiserating with you.

I am trying one thing: I have planned a trip to Paris for next spring. This is a double whammy because I don’t like flying either. It is far enough in the future so that I don’t get too keyed up about it. I have begun taking “baby steps” toward getting there – hotel reservations, lots of reading, making a list of things that I will need.

My husband has teased me that I will spend the entire time in my room on the Left Bank. :slight_smile:

The nice thing about this is that if I can live through the fear, there will be a really good pay off! I’ve always wanted to go to Paris.

Can you find some “reward system” like this for yourself?

I hope that you find a good therapist soon. Science is always coming out with new medications. Maybe one of the newer ones will do it for you.

I think there is actually an “Agoraphobics Anonymous.” (Although I don’t know how they get anyone to attend the meetings.)

Keep your chin up and don’t blame yourself for this. It’s not your fault! You do know that, don’t you?

Thanks for bumping this! You deserve much better answers than I can provide.

5

Thank you both, Celyn and Zoe. Sometimes it does help just to know that you are not alone, although you wouldn’t wish these problems on your worst enemies. And it just goes to show how little you know about the people on MBs and what all they go through. My heart goes out to you both.

Furthermore, Zoe, I read just the other day about your retirement from teaching. How you talked about your former job warmed me to the core because that’s exactly what I want to do (if I ever finish college) and I’m equally afraid that I’ll never get to due to this never-ending condition. Or so it seems. I am trying to find solutions, but as previously noted, the longer this goes on, the more difficult it becomes.

I also have to say good for you that you’re going to Paris! Travel to Europe will always remain one of my life-long dreams. I hope it’s wonderfully rewarding for you and that you enjoy everything the trip has to offer. I hope you’ll keep us posted when the time comes.

Also, your suggest of “rewarding” myself, amazingly, had never occurred to me and none of my therapists have ever mentioned it. See, the SDMB is soooo helpful. So I’ll have to give that some thought and see what I can come up with.

Oh, and we’re completely agreed on the idea of a “Agoraphobics Anonymous.” I’ve always wondered if there was something like that out there and if so, how in the hell do they convince anyone to attend? :wink:

Once more, thank you two for your replies. If nothing else, it’s given me enough encouragement to get up fighting again tomorrow. One supposes that’s all that counts.

{{{Hugs}}} to you both. You’ll be in my thoughts as well.

6

Please do get up fighting again tomorrow, and if you need us, we’ll still be here.

I don’t know what to say, but you’ll be in my thoughts.

((( hopefool )))

7

Hopefool,
There is help out there. Find a psychiatrist you trust. CBT and meds can do wonders. Be brave, and never lose hope.

8

mala Pardon my ignorance, but what is CBT. please?

9

Cognitive behavioral therapy.

10

I found quite a few links that look like they’ve got a lot of valuable information and support by searching “agoraphobia support” on Google:

http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&q=agoraphobia+support

I sure hope you’re feeling better soon!

11

Well, I’m no agoraphobic, but I have experienced a few panic-attacks in my life, generally induced by crowds, that forced me to leave events and functions prematurely, which I was very dissapointed about. I can only imagine what it would be like to have those attacks every day - I think I’ve had 3 in my life.

Agoraphobia can be treated like any other phobia - that is, you sort of train yourself to be calm with varying degrees of activity.

So, if you don’t like leaving the house, you start with looking out the window. Then the front door. Then standing on the poorch. Then going to the street. Then getting the mail. Then the mall, etc, etc.

Unfortunatly, it’s really easy to slip out of this training unless you have someone coaxing you along - it’s very hard.

Please try to find a new counsellor to act as that coaxer. I’m confident that you can beat this - but it will take a lot of work. Good luck. :slight_smile:

12

I was in love with an agorophobic. It was hell for him and me. I hope you find some help because I saw how difficult it was for him and he never got treatment for it. He’s probably locked in his apartment right now, in fact, I’m sure he is.

13

Thanks everyone. Unfortunately though, it seems to be getting much worse again. I’ll just have to hope the therapist we’re lining up will help. Anyway, I appreciate the well wishes.