Bad Bunny is an amazing fucking wrestler. Remember his match against Damian Priest? He did a fucking Canadian Destroyer.
Randy Orton and Tiffany Stratton punched their tickets to the Elimination Chamber.
Saturday on AAA, Mr. Iguana and Lola Vice became the new AAA Mixed Tag Team Champions.
Wrestlemania tickets aren’t selling as well as they did last year! Could it be because it’s in one of the most expensive and remote cities to visit, we’ve raised the price for the cheapest tickets to $300 and floor seats cost more than a new car, banned watch parties and fan events within 50 miles of the stadium, only announced one match, and the same guy who’s main-evented 10 times in the last 11 years is main-eventing again?
No, it’s the marks who are wrong.
AEW Grand Slam airs from Australia tomorrow night and has a pretty stacked card;
- AEW World Championship: MJF (c) vs. Brody King
- Women’s Tag Team Championship: Babes of Wrath (c) vs. Megabad
- TNT Championship ladder match: Kyle Fletcher (c) vs. Mark Briscoe
- Continental Championship: Jon Moxley (c) vs. Konosuke Takeshita
- World Championship #1 contender match: Adam Page vs. Andrade
- Tornado tag match, whoever takes the fall gets their head shaved: Orange Cassidy & Toni Storm vs. Wheeler Yuta & Marina Shafir
Ciampa lost the TNT Championship that quickly, huh?
Lost it back to Fletcher on Dynamite, I think.
During the Page vs. Andrade match, Andrade paused outside the ring to pose for a selfie with an attractive young woman in the front row, who smooched him on the cheek. Hangman then took him out with a dropkick, approached the same woman, and got a selfie with her as well. She invited him in for a kiss, but he responded “I’m married”.
Hilarious moment which produced a “COWBOY SHIT” chant from the crowd.
Toni Storm has pinned Wheeler Yuta!
After attempting to flee the ring to avoid having his head shaved, Jon Moxley showed up in the crowd and ordered him back into the ring to face his destiny. Kind of a shame that he has to get that long head of hair taken off, but better him than Orange.
They’re gonna be sweeping hair off the ring mat for the rest of the show.
Aside from those moments, Grand Slam was a pretty decent show, but no titles changed hands.
The next big non-WWE supercard coming up is NJPW New Beginning USA, which is taking place in Trenton, NJ this year and has a pretty solid inter-promotional card;
- IWGP Heavyweight Championship: Yota Tsuji (c) vs. Andrade
- IWGP Women’s Championship: Syuri (c) vs. Athena
- IWGP Tag Team Championship: Knockout Brothers (c) vs. Gates of Agony
- NJPW World TV Championship: El Phantasmo (c) vs. Konosuke Takeshita
- STRONG Openweight Championship: Tomohiro Ishii (c) vs. Bolten Oleg
- AEW National Championship: Ricochet (c) vs. Taiji Ishimori
- KUSHIDA & El Desperado vs. Jordan Oliver & Alec Price
- Fred Rosser (fka Darren Young) vs. David Finlay
I don’t get why Yuta gets such heel heat. He hasn’t done any “ambush and destroy beloved face” segments, and always seems to be the Death Riders’ fall guy. Maybe it’s the X-Pac type of heat, where he’s seen as the loser hanger-on, but I think the dude’s pretty talented in the ring.
Here’s what Vaquer said to Liv:
“You started your career here. You haven’t beaten anyone. You have the best doctors, you have the best trainers. You have everything. You want to talk about sacrifice? I was born in Chile, a country where pro wrestling doesn’t exist. And even so, I made my way around the world. Japan, Mexico, Latin America, Europe. I conquered everything. Hiding behind Judgment Day. Hiding behind a man. You need to hide behind your boyfriend. But I’m going to tell you something: I went through hell and made it mine, just to get to WWE and become champion. This belt, to me, means more than just a belt. It’s for all the girls and all the women who haven’t had the opportunity and still made it. Remember that. If you choose me, you’re not going to win, because I’m going to show you what a real champion is.”
Liv Morgan certainly has range. She can be the psycho man-stealing bitch or little Miss Mary Sunshine easily. This way she makes Vaquer look like more than a blank new face. Women’s promos are usually scripted for generic purposes, but Liv adds a surprising amount of depth.
So what’s in the crate? (ie the backstage segment for both RAW and SD where the GM is talking to the delivery man about s crate that looks large enough to hold a statue)
Chris Jericho?
Son of Gobbledegooker?
MANNHAUZEN???
Very nice. Very evil.
Bronson Reed suffered an arm injury during his Elimination Chamber qualifying match, and will be out indefinitely.
The crate is the most Vince McMahon goofy-ass storyline they’ve done in quite some time. It’s one of those things that, in kayfabe, only makes sense if you assume the WWE Universe is some kind of anarcho-capitalist dystopia where the government is useless, all businesses are hopelessly corrupt, and society is truly nothing more than what Hobbes called “the war of all against all”.
You’ve just had a giant crate mysteriously delivered to the arena where you’re hosting a show. There’s no return address, no shipping label, no packing list, no indication of who delivered it on behalf of whom, just this warning not to open it until the night of your next big show.
CALL THE FUCKING POLICE. For all you know, it’s a bomb. This could be some kind of terrorist plot. What if there are people in there? They’re not gonna be able to live sealed up in a crate for several weeks. If there’s a person in there and they die because you followed instructions given to you by a piece of plywood, you’re gonna get the company sued for negligent homicide.
But no - instead they just decide to load the crate onto the production truck and take it from arena to arena with them, without having it X-rayed or having the bomb squad look at it or making any effort to figure out what’s inside. This is Wile E. Coyote logic. At least in Lucha Underground they had the excuse that the promotion was set in a world where wizards and aliens and shape-shifting dragons wander the streets of east LA and roaming gangs of luchadors randomly pick fights with unassuming civilians. WWE is supposedly set in the real world. If the WWE version of Pentagon Jr. started breaking people’s arms as sacrifices to his evil skeleton pope Sith lord master while Jeff Cobb ate Ezekiel Jackson alive, that wouldn’t make any goddamn sense.
Anyway, I’ve heard the rumors that Danhausen might be in the cratehausen. I don’t really know where he’d fit into WWE. It’s a good thing Vince isn’t around anymore because Vince would ABSOLUTELY not understand his character. Maybe they can send him to AAA and team him up with Mr. Iguana.
(ETA: I just realized that WWE now owns the rights to Lucha Underground. I REALLY hope they never notice that. Leave the memories alone.)
Black Bart reminisces about getting drunk with The Barbarian.
I feel drunk just listening to him.
On SmackDown, Irresistible Forces (Nia Jax and Lash Legend) defeated RHIYO (Rhea Ripley and Iyo Sky) to become the new Women’s Tag Team Champions.
It is Legend’s first career championship, and Jax’s third reign as tag team champion. She won her previous two with Shayna Baszler.
Also, the show started with Jey Uso laid out backstage. In the main event, Logan Paul defeated Jacob Fatu to earn the sixth and final Elimination Chamber slot in Jey’s place.
So help me they had BETTER be building to Logan vs. Bad Bunny at Wrestlemania.