I’m like your wife. (Can’t even look at pictures) It has nothing to do with snakes being dangerous – it’s just that they’re SNAKES. I don’t care how gentle they are, I just don’t want to be a around them. And no, I’m not going to try working with a therapist – I generally don’t encounter snakes on a daily basis, and it’s not an inconvenience.
I know most snakes aren’t going to hurt me. (Especially pictures, duh) But that doesn’t stop such a fear. That’s what a phobia is – an irrational fear. Usually it involves gradual exposure over time, I believe. No thank you.
That doesn’t mean I think the FIL is being reasonable. I don’t want snakes irradicated, or abused, or anything. I just don’t want to be around them. Tell him if he calls about the snake again, you’ll hang up on him. If he mentions it, just tell him to shut up. Phobias aren’t rational – as said above, you can’t rationalize him out of his phobia. You CAN, however, rationalize him out of his behavior about it.
(Strangely though, I like lizards. I think they’re cute. Snakes? EEEEEE!!!)
You may have a different definition of ‘pet’ than some of us. There’s little reason for most pets. I don’t have any currently, but I’ve taken care of a variety of critters. Snakes are fun and less trouble than, say, rodents. Maybe you won’t get the sort of affection you will from other things, but to say you can’t interact with them? Silly.
I wouldn’t own one, but I know people who like tarantulas (and pet them). You can’t even play with fish (or just barely). Are they not pets? If it’s an animal and you have to feed and clean up after it, it’s a pet.
I’m sorry, I should have clarified: I’m not trying to get the old gent to fall in love with reptiles or anything, I realize that’s probably well out of the question.
Here’s a typical phone exchange on the topic:
FIL - “So… How long is that snake of yours now? 6 feet? 8?”
Me - “Umm… Maybe 6?”
FIL - “6 feet!? Pythons are dangerous to humans once they reach 6 feet long!”
Me - “Where on earth did you hear that?”
FIL - “This news program! Those pythons kill people!”
Obviously he’s never going to like snakes - I realize that. But he’s convinced that this one is going to wrap itself around our throats and strangle us in our sleep. I’ve tried to explain that no constrictor “strangulates” about the throat as a general method of predation; they suffocate by coiling around the chest and restricting expansion of the lungs. Why would snakes evolve to waste their energy and risk injury strangulating animals they couldn’t hope to consume? This snake wouldn’t go after a house cat, let alone a human child, let alone an adult human.
He’ll nod like he’s listening, but next time I talk to him he’s fretting about the snake twisting itself around our necks and choking us out.
I know he’ll never be cozy with the thing, I’m not asking him to be. And I’m not mad about it or anything, I just feel bad that he’s worrying needlessly. If there was a “Snakes and You” or something that I could give to him that would clarify that we are not in constant mortal danger I’d like to get to him.
His worrying is his problem and not yours. You can’t stop him from worrying. Only he can do that. A therapist would be helpful.
Talking about the snake is almost certainly not helping with his worrying. He’d be better off spending less time thinking about the snake. He can’t talk about the snake with you without thinking about it.
IMHO, it has little if anything to do with the snake (or snakes in general) and a whole lot to do with him being (1) a parent and (2) “regular consumer of garbage television.”
While I own a car, I commute to and from work by train and I often stay late in the city, not so much for work as for spinning class and to socialize with my city-dwelling friends. My mother watches, listens to, and reads the news constantly and can tell you of every lurid violent crime in the metropolitan area. :rolleyes: She has made it rather clear to me that she would prefer me to take a rush-hour train home and not ride after dark. Dark! In Chicago! In the winter! :smack: Because, as she tells me with her hands wringing, “things” happen on “the trains” – no differentiation between Metra and the L, or between 10pm (packed train, can hardly get a seat!) and 3 am, or between an incident that occurred on the West or South Sides and the fact that I pass through the Northwest Side to go home. :rolleyes::smack: BTW, I’m quite nearly 40 years’ old, not a naive kid.
In other words, if it wasn’t the snake, good ol’ father-in-law would find some other [del]overhyped[/del] well-publicized danger to [del]neurotically fixate[/del] focus upon.
There’s not much more I can offer than others have. The best testimonials you’ll find on the web are just that. I’ve owned snakes my entire life; not only am I still alive, but I haven’t lost any house guests either. But that’s not going to satisfy him precisely because the fear is irrational. He’s got to be willing to accept the possibility of being wrong before he will hear you.
But just to give you some talking points:
Some people are better off thinking of snakes in terms of pounds rather than feet. My 4.5-foot boa is around 5 lbs at his normal weight. Most people are surprised by this because they think of 4.5 feet as a small child, not a small cat. Your 6-footer is still going to be under 10 lbs, I’d guess. If you put it in the context of a cat or small dog it might help to show that the snake is no threat to you in a way that the foot measurement doesn’t.
I also tell some people about the fact that my snake eats mice, but that even a medium-sized rat is big enough for him to treat it as a threat, not as food.
My snake has also made more converts to the world of snake-lovers than you could imagine, but mostly with kids. We used to lend him to a middle school science class and I heard plenty of stories about parents who wouldn’t believe their kids could even be in the same room, let alone holding the snake. I think kids are more willing to change, but I also think the group setting may help. The less-scared kids provide an example of getting over the fear that the more-scared kids use to build up their courage. Maybe you could find an environment like a party or something to pull the snake out for a little socializing?
I’m a zoo educator, I often encounter snake phobic people, usually while I have a rainbow boa, a ball python, or a CA mountain king snake in my hands.
OP, my advice is to continue in your same vein - lots of reassuring, safe, even boring exposures to the fact that your pet snake is harmless. Also reassure him that you handle the animal in a responsible manner - you never drape it over a shoulder or wrap it around your neck (right?), and you maintain awareness and control over his head position at all times. Restate, every time he brings snakes up, that pythons aren’t venomous. Stress that, although your carpet python is six feet long, he’s not as heavy or muscular as the really large species like reticulated or Burmese pythons, that he sees on those (ridiculous) shows.
Imagine you’re biting into an apple. Snakes can’t do that - their teeth and jaws aren’t set up for it. They swallow their prey whole, in one big gulp. A snake is very aware of their limitations - for a 6’ python, that’s a rat. They will never even consider biting a chunk out of you, because they CAN’T. (This flowed out of me verbatim from my snake presentation, sorry if it sounds like I’m talking to eight year olds - I usually am!)
Scumpup, you’re wrong. I work with snakes that obviously enjoy interacting with humans. Maybe it’s not obvious to you - maybe you don’t understand snake body language very well - but I’ve had snakes see me through their enclosure doors, come closer in “greeting”, nose at the doors, and seem to relish being held, stroked and lightly scratched. Exotic pets aren’t for everyone, that’s why they’re called exotic.
Do tell me how animals witha primitive brain, no vocal cords, no facial expression, or even moving eyelids, no mobile fur or feathers or what have you, express their joy to you?
I admit I got my biology degree over 25 years ago, but even back then anthropomorphization was recognized and we were cautioned against it. Not only do I not believe your reptiles are expressing feelings to you, I don’t see any compelling evidence that they have anything analogous to human emotions.
I would take a middle ground to both of you. Reptiles do have distinct personalities, and they do recognize individual people. I tend to resist the urge to ascribe too much thought or emotion, but there are recognizable signs. My snake does watch us walk around. In a room full of people, he will seek me out and then stick close by me.
These things are probably triggered by fairly primitive thoughts like “Moving things might threats or food, so I should watch out” and “I know this guy’s scent and he’s never hurt me” rather than “Awww I wuv you this much!” And since two snakes of the same litter (clutch?) will react differently from each other, you have to attribute this to some kind of memory and personality that makes them distinct individuals.
Also, they are not expressionless if you watch body language rather than, say, eyebrows. My snake has totally different postures for fear, hunting, casual exploration, sitting around getting warm, etc. If he’s being held a stranger, I know exactly how he feels based on posture and movement. If he’s out crawling on the grass, I know when he’s “having fun” vs “being afraid.” Again, these behaviors may be no more complex than a determination of food/not food and threat/not threat, but it’s not “expressionless”.
I never said they “express joy,” I said they enjoy interaction with people. Even animals with “primitive” brains avoid aversive stimuli.
I think you’d agree that some snakes consider human contact aversive - these animals retreat from human touch or smell, may strike or bite, may thrash or whip their tails and otherwise move their body quickly to try and pull it from human grasp.
Why, then, is it such a stretch to think the opposite is true? That snakes which are desensitized to handling may lean in to increase the pressure of a scratch, may refrain from striking or pulling away, may actively seek out the positive stimuli they receive when being handled?
I agree that it’s probably not about the snake, but I don’t think it’s about consuming hysteria either. He sounds like he’s just a worrier who is protective of his daughter and the snake is a way he can express that.
She has made it rather clear to me that she would prefer me to take a rush-hour train home and not ride after dark. Dark! In Chicago! In the winter! :smack: Because, as she tells me with her hands wringing, “things” happen on “the trains” – no differentiation between Metra and the L, or between 10pm (packed train, can hardly get a seat!) and 3 am, or between an incident that occurred on the West or South Sides and the fact that I pass through the Northwest Side to go home. :rolleyes::smack: BTW, I’m quite nearly 40 years’ old, not a naive kid.
