The scene:
A warm Spring sun gently warms a small retail outlet in the hills of West Virginia.
The cast (with the names changed to protect the innocent):
Bob, a salesman manning the counter
Whitey, our semi-retired delivery driver
Karen, the 9 year old daughter of another driver
Customer A, a middle-aged professor
Customer B, Hysterical Soccer Mom
The aforementioned Snake
Balle_M, AKA That Gallant Young Captain in the Horse Marines
Our play begins…
The prof leaves the store, then sticks his head back in and says, “Hey…you have a snake on your sidewalk.”
Karen and I go out to look and come upon this little feller, a Northern Ringneck Snake about a foot long. Karen is fascinated and kneels down to take a good look. She is at least 4 feet away from it when Hysterical Soccer Mom screams (and I mean SCREAMS), “Get back! It might be poisonous!!!”
I explained that we only have 2 poisonous types in WV, the Copperhead and the Timber Rattler and that he ain’t either one. HSM screams (and I mean SCREAMS), “How do you KNOW???” I thought about expaining coloration, head shape, etc. and then decided why bother and said, “Trust me.”
“You should kill it. What if it bites her???” (Remember, Karen is 4 feet away and this snake is about the size of a Twizzler) “Err…I really don’t think that’s gonna happen.”
Deciding to end our little drama, I picked the snake up and put it in the grass. This sent HSM into a complete panic. She got in her Subaru and left, screaming something about rabies. You know, rabies. The disease that mammals like snakes get.
Karen sighs that little-girl sigh as we walk back into the store, and the curtain falls on our little play.