[tom servo]Zuni Fetish Warrior! The only name you need to know for concrete and drywall construction, repair and maintenance. When your building needs work, or your work needs a building, call Zuni Fetish Warrior at 555-Zuni.[/tom servo]
Zuni Fetish Warrier not available in Utah or Wisconsin
It’s easy to get caught up in the idea that the Zuni Fetish Warrior is an evil killing machine, interested only in slicing you open and eating your soul; it’s important to take some time to remember that this mischievous little pixie with a toothy grin has goals and dreams, too (usually poking you with a sharp object and/or eating your soul, though sometimes it’s starting a family or a career in the hospitality industry).
Remember that your Zuni Fetish Warrior craves nurturing and attention, as well as raw human flesh. A little love for this little guy will go a long way!
Of course, the first thing you should do when you get one of those suckers is check to see if it’s been set on “Evil”. Once you take care of that, a Zuni Fetish Warrior will be at your beck-and-call 24/7.
However, keep in mind that due to the ambient evil surrounding a Zuni Fetish Warrior (even one that’s been set to “Good”), your direct exposure should be limited to no more than 12 hours per day. If you’re around him for longer than that, you could suffer such side effects as having your eyes cross and your career dry up (e.g., see Karen Black). Scientology could also start to sound reasonable to you.
Yowch! Oh man, I think that’s gonna leave a welt…
“Now you too can grow a delicious, deadly herbal poison garden with the new Zuni Pet.”
Song: Z-Z-Z-Zuni!
Just spread the mixture of some of the deadliest plants in the world on top of your Zuni Pet, sprinkle it lightly with water and pierce your left index finger with one of it’s teeth to give it that extra touch of fresh blood. Then leave it in subdued light, and before you know it, the Zuni Pet has a huge main of beautiful, luxuriant, toxic leaves and blooms.
Remember, there’s only one Zuni.
Song: Z-Z-Z-Zuni.
Available at Walgreens, Woolworth, Woolco, and other fine merchants.
Pain? Suffering?
We’re Gershwin and Betterman, the Injury Lawyers! And we can help!
Have you been hurt by-
The Happy Fun Ball?
A Good Guy doll possessed by the Hillside Strangler?
A Talking Krusty Doll set to evil?
A Zunni Hunting Fetish?
Mainway’s Bag O’ Glass?
We specialize in personal injury cases and have for more than 20 years! Call now and find out what we can do for you!