So Bull Dempsey went from being THE LAST OF A DYING AGE MAGGLE to a straight up comedy act? Don’t get me wrong, he was hilarious, but still it’s a bit of an odd choice.
Fan Favorite tags are getting the shaft. Annoying as a fan, but kinda cool as a way to get heat on the bad guys. Glad “the living muppet” Dana Brooke got hers too.
Sorry, but that’s just not the case. If you worked for Vince Sr. or Jr. then you worked. You would set up and tear down the ring, load and unload trucks, hawk merchandise, count the gate, drive the truck, or do something for your pay. That’s always been the same whatever your role.
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Ultima Lucha begins this episode. Before the matches, Black Lotus is shown doing pullups in her cell like a vengeful Robert DeNiro in Cape Fear. Matanza can be heard growling in the background. Dario Cueto visits her and tells her Cueto’s father made Matanza into a pit fighter and exploited him for money, and Dario is keeping his brother out of danger by locking him up under the Temple. He refers to Matanza as a “pit bull.” He then tells her El Dragón Azteca actually murdered her parents, not Matanza. It was easy to shift blame to a monster. Before leaving, he tells her “The truth hurts. It can also set you free.” Twists and turns, twists and turns.
In the first match, Cage faces The Mack in a Falls Count Anywhere match. Apparently these two got together beforehand and decided they were going to steal the show. Normally, “Street Fight” matches just involve chairs, trash cans and kendo sticks, but these two were taking advantage of the Temple layout. They’d go into Cueto’s office and bring out coolers full of ice and beer, stop signs, fire extinguishers, and the kitchen sink and clobber each other with the PLUNDAH! They’d also climb all over the Temple and suplex each other on the concrete steps. At the end, the two wound up on top of the office (which Stryker said had been reinforced), where two cinderblocks lay beside. Cage positioned one, lay the Mack on his belly facing the block, grabbed him by the arms and pulled him back, then let him go. The Mack’s head crashed into the cinderblock, smashing it to pieces. Cage then covered The Mack for the win. The audience by this time had screamed themselves hoarse.
I have to really hand it to Cage. I thought he was going to be the West Coast version of Ryback, but he combines the gorilla brute style with lucha fu and excels. Here’s an interview with him. He actually used to wrestle in FCW and WWE let him go. Why? Because they’re idiots.
Next, Team Dysfunction defends the Trios Championship belts against Catrina’s Disciple of Death. Ivelisse is still in crutches, but she gets in some work. Right away, the DoD Dudes (one of them used to be Mariachi Loco) attack the Dysses and spread them prone, allowing for them to make heroic comebacks later. Two of the DoD Dudes attempt to throw Son of Havoc out of the ring, but he braces his arms like a fork lift, bounces back, and back elbows the two. In the meantime, Angelico and the third DoDster fight up the Temple steps to the top of Dario’s office, and you just know that crazy Mofo is going to do one of his famous flying leaps from the top. Sure enough, he does, and wipes out two other DoDsters on the floor. Eventually, Catrina enters the ring, and holds the magic rock in her hands. The DoD Dudes rise like Creole zombies being summoned by Madame LeBeau. Then, Ivelisse enters the ring with her crutches and whacks Catrina with them. Catrina drops the magic rock, and the DoD Dudes collapse. Ivel then perches on top of Catty and mauls her, but the Mistress of the Dark (copyright Elvira) finds the magic rock and clobbers her with it. She then invokes the power of the rock to bring the DoDdies inside the ring and pin Ivelisse. Disciples of Death are the new Trios champs! Evil evil evil!
Hopefully, Team Dysfunction will still be around in Season 2. Here’s an interview with Matt Cross (Son of Havoc). Turns out he was once a Tough Enough contestant.
To end this UL segment, Drago faces Hernandez in a Believers’ Backlash Match. Fans with leather straps would surround the ring, lumberjack style. Stryker and Vampiro ran through a general introduction as they made their entrance. I’m guessing they’re bloggers and Internet celebrities of some sort. Vamp kept calling one really fat dude “Hot Tub Guy.” I don’t want to see why.
They capitalized on the fact that nobody likes Hernandez, not because he plays a heel so effectively, but because he’s the latino Kevin Nash, a big guy who just sort of skates by on his size and strength and doesn’t otherwise put much effort into working the matches. He seemed to step it up this time, though. He took a lot of lashes whenever he left the ring, and Drago would take advantage. A few of the lashers actually took a bump when Hernandez went over the top rope and crashed into them. The commentators kept mentioning that Hern didn’t think dragons were real, which I thought was kind of a lame thing to stress, but it served to set him up for the Dragon’s Breath. Drago spewed out a green mist (a la The Great Muta) into Herny’s face.
Off camera, Drago set up a table while the lashers pursued Hernia around the ring. I like the way that was done. Setting up tables doesn’t always have to dominate camera time. Hern eventually backed into Drago, who at this time was flipping around nunchucks like a ninja. He hit Hern with the chucks, laid him on the table, then climbed on the top turnbuckle and splashed and crashed the hapless Hernandez. Drago then rolled him into the ring for the pin.
Interestingly enough, Believers’ Backlash Match is actually trademarked.
At the end of the show, El Dragon Azteca is shown attempting to etner the Temple from the back. A white-hooded guy fends him off, then they talk. EDA explains that he’s there to right a wrong. Hooded guy tells him if he enters the temple, he will fulfill the prophecy and die. EDA replies that he may die, but El Dragon Azteca will live on forever. Hooded guy then lets him in with his blessing. More twists and turns.
Next week, UL closes out with a two-hour episode. So far, it’s better than 95% of WWE’s PPVs.
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That may be, but all I ever saw Skaaland do was walk Backlund to the ring. I can’t remember ever seeing him take a bump (long before I knew the term ‘bump’), and rarely did he speak. Classy Freddy Blassie took more bumps (not many), and they appeared about the same age. Given his age, and what appeared to my young eyes as his frailty, he probably was a road agent.
He was a little bit more than that.
He was trusted by the McMahons, there was a bond of loyalty there.
He didn’t look frail when I saw him in the 80s. He did look a little stooped, a life in wrestling is tough on the body.
The Smackdown main event was pretty good. Cesaro is getting some good exposure, but he deserves a big win to get past jobber status.
You may all want to sit down, because I’m afraid I’ve got some bad news.
Shocking news, really. Earth-shattering. Absolutely devastating to the future of the WWE.
And that news is;
John Cena is going to be out of action for at least two weeks due to his broken nose and might have to miss Summerslam.
Heaven only knows what they could possibly put on a card in his absence. More Big Show and Kane, maybe?
Or maybe they could give him a goofy mask like Brutus Beefcake had to wear when his face got messed up before WrestleMania IX.
So many walking wounded… Right after they announce a 4-hour card too.
They could put Cena in a noseguard mask and have Seth repeatedly attack his schnozz, but not for a PPV headliner, when they want both contestants at 100%. They could have RKOrton take his place, with Sheamus + suitcase waiting in the wings, or call in Chris Jericho before he goes on tour with Fozzy. Those options sound considerably less than stellar, like something WCW would do.
They could replace Cena with Dean, which would rock. That would remove him from his partnership with RR and have him face the Wyatts in a handicapper. Luke Harper’s going to get pinned either way, so may as well make RR look invincible again. Besides, Dean’s straight-to-DVD is coming out, so why not have him win the title and spur sales?
I’m confused. Haven’t they usually done their annual releases by now? They got a ton of dead weight on that roster that isn’t being used and I was sure they’d be making cuts by now.
AFAIK, they haven’t done a round of releases since the one last year - the only cuts since then have been people who’ve left on their own, like Justin Gabriel and AJ.
I suppose a round of wild speculation is in order about who might get the axe at some point in the near future. Looking over the “official” roster on their website, I could see a future-endeavoring as a possibility for a few people;
Brad Maddox - Hasn’t been on TV since they dropped the whole Raw/Smackdown GMs thing, only shows up once in a blue moon to job at house shows.
Alex Riley - Hasn’t been on TV since his feud with Kevin Owens ended.
Christian - Retired in all but name, hasn’t been on TV since last year, but they’ll probably sign him to a Legends contract instead of letting him go.
David Otunga - Never wrestles anymore, but I’m pretty sure he’s got some kind of backstage job they keep him around for.
Jack Swagger - Is barely on TV anymore, hasn’t been relevant since he lost Zeb Colter and jobbed out to Rusev like fifty times.
Hornswoggle - Hasn’t been on TV in over a year and hasn’t been relevant since much longer ago.
Sylvester Lafort - Has barely been on TV since Les Legionnaires broke up.
I would add
Emma
Rosa Mendez
Eden/Cameron - I have no idea what they’re doing
Health Slater
Unfortunately; Konnor and Viktor. The Ascension is going nowhere.
Rowdy Roddy Piper has passed away.
I hope there’s plenty of bubblegum in heaven.
Sorry to hear Hot Rod has left us.
Google his interviews. He was a master storyteller. In one funny story, he talks about when he first got into wrestling in his mid teens, he was touring the Midwest area. Mad Dog Vachon had him drive to a roadside diner, and he ordered everything on the menu. Then during the meal, he started choking and complaining of stomach pains and fell out of the booth, writhing in pain. The wait staff tried to call 911, but Vachon told them Roddy would drive him to the hospital. When they drove off, Vachon stopped coughing, straightened up, and said “Well, we can never eat there again.”
Hotrod was one of the wrestlers who snagged me into being a fan.
I remember his feud with the Junkyard Dog. One of his promo spots had Roddy hanging himself and a Chihuahua (threatened with the dog, did with himself) from a tree with a dog collar… and then blathering how he was going to do the same to JYD.
It wasn’t until I was older that lynching came across my mind.
He also had that spot on Piper’s Pit with Jimmy Snuka that made me cringe.
But… those were different days and different times.
I hope he finds some answers… and the questions stop changing.
Reilley is injured pretty bad, so he’s out a good number of months on injury
We saw Sylvester give a promo at an NXT house show Ms. Cups and I went to, it seems like they’re prepping him for a manager’s role. He sounded only vaguely french and honestly looked like the bad guys from the Taken movies
Emma is reinventing herself in NXT
Eden is ring announcing on Smackdown
So I can’t imagine any of them being future endeavored since they seem to still actively be doing things
Doesn’t matter if they’re “doing things”. 3MB was doing things right up until two of them were released.
I’m going to go with this list instead;
Mark Henry
Heath Slater
Jack Swagger
Hornswaggle
Brad Maddox
Konnor
Viktor
Possible - Adam Rose
Rosa Mendez
Cameron
Emma
If it’s out there somewhere try to find Roddy’s tour de force where he interviews himself. He was a great wrestler but his greatest moves came out of his mouth. I loved his tortured seething anger face in the ring that cowed the biggest men, his face turned as red as his hair and he looked like he might literally explode. He was unique among wrestlers, and one of those guys who didn’t constantly seek titles to prove his status.
Ryback posted a picture of his swollen-up infected knee on Instagram to demonstrate why he’s still out of action.
All I can say is… yeouch. I had a pea-sized swelling on my thumb once that was so painful I couldn’t drive my car or write or type with that hand. I can only imagine how painful that thing must be.
Fuckin’ A, his thighs are already the size of redwoods. That swollen knee looks like a cojoined twin.
Whoa!!! That looks bad. He’ll be out of action for a long time. Another long rehab, he doesn’t have much more than his strength moves to work with.
Sheesh!
“It’s not a Tooma!”, but Danny DeVito will come out with him next time he performs.
