You know, that guy who will use an annoying catchprase that’s mildy funny the first 16 times (Being guys…) with virtually every woman who walks by?
::fourteen year old walks by::
“I’d hit that in a heartbeat.”
::Pregnant lady walks in::
“Man, I’d like to bend her over.”
::Lady in wheelchair on elevator::
“How’d you like some of that action?”
::Grandma’s Funeral::
“Makes you wish her mouth wasn’t sown shut, eh?”
And why does it always have to be a group thing? Like, why involve me as a bystander? And what’s with strangers who do this? Guys who just lean over at the grocery store, leer at the cashier (Age 13) and say in a whisper “Bet you’d like to tear that up, huh?”
Why is always the worst stuff too? Like it’s never, “What a hot chick”, it’s got be some raw meat anal bukkake guzzling craziness…
On top if that, how about the massive wang guy? You know, the guy who can’t let something pass without some comment about his huge member?
“Oh, I can’t ride in a civic unless the window is down. You know, on account of enormous johnson!”
I really have disagree a bit here…You wrote “an annoying catchprase that’s mildy funny the first 16 times”, which is way too much!
I can’t see any humor in it even the first time; I’m no prude, and will comment on occasion to another guy with “Wow, look at that” or something equally mild, but never anything lewd. Not saying that I don’t think those things…but usually I just appreciate with a little sigh.
You are right on in thinking that this fellow is at best socially maladapted, and at worst at least a jerk.
Mmmm…there are so many lovely ladies to simply appreciate!
Annoying catchphrase? On the Straight Dope? Repeated endlessly long after the last drop of humor has been wrung from the last worthless rock hanging tideless in the last red and dying evening?
“I’d hit that in a heartbeat.”
Translation: I’m not gay.
“Man, I’d like to bend her over.”
Translation: Really, I’m not.
“How’d you like some of that action?”
Translation: Please, believe me. I’m so not gay.
“Oh, I can’t ride in a civic unless the window is down. You know, on account of enormous johnson!”
Translation: I’ve got an unbelievably tiny penis. But at least I’m not gay. Really.
When I was in college we had a guy like that who hung out with the group. I found him annoying in the extreme, but others are more tolerant than I. I can’t tell you how many times I heard “That’s what she said.”
What about “gratuitous noises” guy. I’ve had the misfortune of once sharing a house with one and now have to work in the same office as one.
GN-guy is not happy unless he’s humming, drumming the table or making clicking or other irritating noises with his mouth. I think they believe in that tree-in-a-forest stuff and think that if they are not audible to others they will cease existing.
How about one-up you guy? Sometimes women will do this, too, but usually its a guy. If you are having a bad day, theirs is worse. If this of yours was good, theirs was better. One-up-youism is often accompanied by know-it-allism. They will never admit they don’t know something or made a mistake, even when it is blatantly obvious to everyone. I work with a guy with both. Very annoying.
“Know-it-allism” can also afflict the “no it isn’t” guy. You know, the one who disagrees with EVERY SINGLE DOGGONE THING you say. The one who, if you said, “the sky is blue” would contend with you that it’s not REALLY blue, that it’s just the way the atmosphere scatters light and besides THAT that particular color isn’t BLUE it’s CYAN (or some other name that means…um…“BLUE”) and besides THAT… and on and on and ON. And he does this for Every. Single. Thing. Anyone. Says.
I, sadly, am RELATED to this one. Feel free to severely injure him. No, really. But be careful - he’s a 3rd-level black belt in TaeKwon Do.
:smack: Then I forgot the last half of it.
“No-it-isn’t” guy, when combined with “know-it-allism” means he’ll pull “facts” out of his rear end, so you never know when he actually DOES know what he’s talking about (and you would, in fact, be wrong) and when he’s just blowing smoke. Therefore, any conversation with him requires at least a dictionary, an Almanac, an encyclopedia, and an Internet Connection.
He is also completely clueless as to why this bothers you.
My friends and I were play Trivial Pursuit. (It was still the 80s at the time) and for some reason I frequently got “What’s the largest…” questions.
What’s the largest island in the Med?
My Dick!
What’s the largets mountain in North America?
The blanket over morning hard on.
This was really funny as there was only one girl there and she was the new girlfriend of my friend Ronnie. She was cracking up and he was really pissed.