Anybody Need Some Tiny Rants?

[Faruiza]

Yeehaw! I’m not done with this, either!

To the receptionist who shall remain nameless, but you know who you are:

Listen, I am the LAST person in this office you get along with. I know you hate your job, I know you hate everyone we work with. I hate them, too. The difference between you and me is that I can still laugh and talk to them when they expect a conversation. I am seething behind my eyes when one of them stops me to have a “chat”, but I make nice, and they never know. You apparently aren’t able to do that. It is not an admirable quality outside of the office, but it is gold here. This is why you will never be anything other than a second class citizen here. You will always have a daily fight with all of them because you are making them hate you as much as you hate them, and they are not nice people. They’re smarter than you, and they will make your life hell without actually feeling any pain themselves. They’ve all gotten to you because you are miserable all the time, and they don’t care.

That said, you are a clueless, stupid twat. You should never have picked a fight with me. I know that it pisses you off that I make a lot more money than you do…hell, everyone does, but it is not my fault that you have personality problems, that you didn’t finish your education because you opted instead to have two children with a worthless deadbeat criminal, or that you have an extreemely average I.Q.

I have given you the benefit of the doubt for two years. I am done doing that. I will be disconnecting from you. I am not your friend, do not try to make things better by ignoring that you have one too many times said something nasty to me. You don’t sound sincere when you say, “Good for you!” Even though you say you mean it. I don’t give a shit anymore. Get used to the fact that everyone is above you, because until you change, you will always be just the lazy-ass receptionist who doesn’t know anything.

One more thing: The next time you have a massive blowout fight with someone here, I will not be defending you. I am the only thing that kept your job for you last time, and I WILL let your ass hang in the wind next time. Sayonara, shitheel.

That wasn’t really tiny, was it?

[Silver_Tyger]

@Lissa

To add to this: stop ragging on me for being skinny! It’s a constant irritation. Yes, I know I’m skinny. I have a mirror. No, I don’t have an eating disorder. I eat a very high-fat diet, actually. (While typing this, I’m putting away a double cheeseburger and fries. Last night, I had half of a pizza for supper.)

It seems to be socially acceptable to blame the metabolism for being heavy, but the same excuse doesn’t work for being thin. It’s not socially acceptable to nag a person constantly about being heavy, but it does seem to be acceptable to rag on a person for being thin. “Oh, I wish I had your problem!” people will say, rolling their eyes when I complain about my weight being a constant source of discussion.

Boy can I sympathize! When I mention how I would like to gain five pounds, hearing ‘I’ll give you mine!’ does not help! And its fucking annoying.

It’s not fun being cold all the time and having your butt hurt from sitting in too hard of a chair and the bones digging into the chair.

Yes, I need to eat more, but nothing sounds good and I’m depressed and don’t feel like eating and there’s no food in the house.

And I own no shorts.

[Silver_Tyger]

@BiblioCat

Oh, stop. I’ll give in and buy some more. They’re those cheapy 6-for $1.99 things in the pet food aisle at the grocery store. The damn cat is wandering around right now, looking for more. I think there’s a few under the fridge and the stove, and there’s probably a couple under the hutch in the dining room. They turn up in the strangest places.
I think the damn things reproduce in the night.

Strangest cat related things I ever saw: We were moving my sister. We pulled out her fridge, tilted it, and there was this FLOOD of mice. There were probably twenty or thirty of them, but it seemed like they just kept coming. You remember that scene where Kirk opens the overhead container and gets buried in tribbles? It was like that.

The bottom of the fridge is now blocked off.

[malita]

To my tennis raquet:

Yes, I suck at tennis, I know this. However, I have been out on the court almost daily trying to get improve so I can actually play someone other than my husband.

See those new bouncy tennis balls…those are all for you. I get a nice, squishy new grip tape for you, and now it seems like you are out of balance. WTF? Now I play worse than when I started!!! I enjoy the game, but not when I want to throw you across the court! :mad:

We’ll see how you like it when I give up on tennis and start up swimming…ha! take that!

[Neidhart]

Dear Fairfax County Public Library:

It should not be 85 degrees and humid inside the goddamn building! Fix the fucking air conditioner. NOW.

[Ghanima]

To myself:

You started a thread when one for the same topic already had five pages! Are you blind? Cut that out!

Also, you don’t have to wash your hands in the middle of doing something that gets your hands dirty. Washing your hands after handling the raw chicken is pointless if you still have handling of raw chicken to do. Likewise, getting up to wash your hands after petting your dog is kind of stupid if you pet your dog immediately afterward. What’s the deal? Are you OCD but just haven’t realized it yet?

[black_rabbit]

Dear grocery store bagger,

The vast majority of the items in your store are not heavy enough to require double-bagging. Among them are a single roll of paper towels, and a half-pound tub of pesto. Four bags for two items that collectively weigh less than a pound is a little excessive.

Thanks,
black rabbit

Dear idiot cell-phone talking bitch in the Navigator,

The cars in the right lane are doing 55, the speed limit. I’m in the next-most right lane, doing 60, which is slightly over the speed limit. If you need to go any faster than that, there are two additional lanes to the left of us, which are completely free of any traffic.

Inching up to my rear bumper in such a situation will only cause me to go even slower, to match speeds with the people to my right.

In other words, yes. I am doing it to piss you off. Cunt.

Lurve,
black rabbit

[Cat_Whisperer]

@black rabbit

<snip>Lurve,
black rabbit

I don’t think your lurve is sincere, Celine.
Oh, oh, I thought of my third one (well, actually I saw it where I had written it down at work) - people who fake bad news in commercials, then say it’s actually good news. This is the dumbest stunt EVER in the world of advertising. Current example;
Son - “Dad, I have bad news.”
Dad - “What now?”
Son - “Do you still have your college jacket?”
Dad - “Yes, why?”
Son - “Cause I GOT IN!!!”
WT Everlovin’ F? Who has conversations like this?

(Tiny PANTS? Who the heck would need tiny PANTS?!? Well, mice, I guess, and trolls, if they’re the baggy-sized ones…leprechauns, maybe.)

[Lissa]

@Silver Tyger Girl

Boy can I sympathize! When I mention how I would like to gain five pounds, hearing ‘I’ll give you mine!’ does not help! And its fucking annoying.

It’s not fun being cold all the time and having your butt hurt from sitting in too hard of a chair and the bones digging into the chair.

Yes, I need to eat more, but nothing sounds good and I’m depressed and don’t feel like eating and there’s no food in the house.

And I own no shorts.

God A-Mighty, it sounds like we may have been seperated at birth.

[MissGypsy]

@Elza B

To my body: quit playing around. If you’re going into labor early, just freakin’ do it already and quit giving me signs so I’m not sure if I should worry or not. I’d really prefer this baby stay in another week and a half, though, so if you could just KNOCK IT OFF, I would appreciate it.

Psst, that isn’t your body. That’s your subversive little kid, who is going to torment you in a similar way for the next 18 years or so. Yours is just being difficult early. (“Hey Mom! I’m coming out now … wait, no I’m not… well, maybe I might…”)

He/she will either get up too early in the morning, or, much later, come home too late at night. They’re never on time, being born, waking up, or going to bed. Trust me, I know.

[carnivorousplant]

@MissGypsy

Trust me, I know.

Would you agree that her only hope now is to live long enough to be a burden?

[Hostile_Dialect]

Dear Hicktown Community College (name changed to protect the ridiculous):

It’s bad enough that I have to share my classrooms with the white-trash population of the most racist and rabidly conservative college-district-shaped area of San Diego County. It’s bad enough that it’s FREAKIN’ HOT and humid as hell during my summer classes, defying San Diego’s natural paradise climate and reminding me of last summer in San Antonio, AKA the sticky, smelly armpit of the United States, which I fought like hell to get out of and come back here. All that bullshit is bad enough, combined with the fact that I can’t live closer than an hour’s trolley ride away without fearing for my life among the “bros”, the neo-Nazi, flat-billed-cap-wearing, lifted-truck-driving riffraff who live in God-forsaken East County. But I deal with all of that, because your school is the best community college in the county.

What I cannot deal with, however, is your need to BLAST the air conditioning in every room like it’s running out of style, so that I have to choose between melting outside and freezing inside. On top of that, your cafeteria’s food sucks and they tried to slip me a fucking rotten tomato slice with my hamburger last week, like I’m not going to notice. The only item on your menu that actually tastes like anything, the breakfast burrito, also invariably rocks my normally non-sensitive intestinal track like an electric guitar. Also, your coffee is terrible, and your little blonde thing of a manager leaves her hair in the sandwich ingredients and occasionally on the French fries, which by the way TASTE LIKE NOTHING.

Bastards.

Oh yeah, and if you drop all of my classes in the next few weeks because I haven’t been able to start my financial aid process yet because my financial picture is changing radically very soon–even though I’ve paid you in full way early for every semester I’ve attended so far, and never stiffed you a dime, and indeed have given your bookstore jaw-dropping wads of dollar bills for new editions of books that read basically the same as the original 1929 publications, FUCK. There will be a BIG HURTING going down in the College Cashier office, I guarantee that.

Counting the days to my transfer,
fetus

[look_ninjas]

Dear Vet’s Office: I know that the manager is off for a week. I know that you are still looking through resumes. But… but… but… I want the job! I want it so badly and I will be so good and I know that it is probably monkey work and cleaning up dog poop and emptying litterboxes and doing flea dips and things, but I want it anyway! I will be good to you! I will love and cherish you! Call me! Please!

Dear Me: Yes, we are unemployed. Yes, we are sad about this, and depressed, and don’t know what to do. We still need to regain our ambition, don’t you think? There are jobs in the paper. There is fabric by the sewing machine. There are stores that will take our designs on consignment. Stop moping and DO SOMETHING!

[badbadrubberpiggy]

Yes, as a matter of fact I DO want to lose more weight, and NO I am not too skinny!*
I did not starve myself or stop eating carbs or eliminate any other food group or do anything that magically made me thinner, I just started eating better and exercising. It’s called moderation.

Please stop telling me that it’s impossible that I could have lost weight just by exercising and reducing the amount of calories I ate, and increasing the quality of the food.

I’m 5’4" and 145 lbs, 25 years old.

[BiblioCat]

@badbadrubberpiggy

Yes, as a matter of fact I DO want to lose more weight, and NO I am not too skinny!*
I did not starve myself or stop eating carbs or eliminate any other food group or do anything that magically made me thinner, I just started eating better and exercising. It’s called moderation.

Please stop telling me that it’s impossible that I could have lost weight just by exercising and reducing the amount of calories I ate, and increasing the quality of the food.

Ooooh, I hear ya on this one. Mainly directed at my mother and certain other people I know who are rather heavy. I’ve been exercising and eating a lot better than I have in years past. Lots of veggies, lean meats and fruits, and lots of water. No candy, no pounding down regular sodas all day, no sitting on my ass being a slug. And yes, I plan on losing more weight. I was stalled for a while, but now I’m losing again. It’s just amazing what a little exercise will do.
To that one certain person: We were together for about four hours the other night. I watched you drink a couple of Cokes, eat a BLT with six slices of bacon and slathered in mayo, two bags of chips, a piece of chocolate cake, a couple of cookies and God knows how many mini candy bars. I know you think the candy bars don’t “count” because they were the mini bite-size ones, but they add up, sweetie.
And stop fooling yourself by thinking the reason you’re fat is because your mother had gestational diabetes when she was pregnant with you. It doesn’t work that way.
Disclaimer: Okay, I did eliminate carbs when I first starting dieting, and was doing Atkins pretty hardcore, but I’ve since added whole grains and ‘good carbs’ back in to my diet. I still don’t eat potatoes or rice or pasta or white sugar. I’ve since discovered they can be migraine triggers. Plus, they make me fat. I ate a lot of pasta and potatoes and I got fat. I cut them out and I lost weight.

[Angua]

To the University: Fucking pay me already! Its been almost 3 weeks since I submitted my forms and I still haven’t been paid (we get paid 2 weeks after our forms are submitted). This is getting silly now.

To the Estate Agent: give my brother back the £300 you lot stole off him at the beginning of the month. He did not owe you rent as we’ve moved out of that place, so give him the goddamned money back.

To my brother: swearing at me is not going to get you the money from the estate agent back faster. In fact, swearing at me is going to cause me to not give a flying fuck about it, and is certainly not going to get me to go down to the Estate Agents and talk to them for you.

To the other people in my research group: From 9:30 am until 12:30 pm, I am our group secretary. From 12:31 pm, I am a grad student trying to write up my thesis. Quit asking me to do secretarial stuff after 12:30. If its urgent, that’s fine, if not, fuck off and ask me tomorrow morning. Muppets.

[carnivorousplant]

@Angua

Muppets.

???

[Angua]

@carnivorousplant

@Angua

Muppets.

???

Sorry, I think its a British-ism. A muppet is one who’s a bit of an idiot. Not quite bad enough to be an idiot, but definitely having slightly moronic tendancies.

[carnivorousplant]

@Angua

A muppet is one who’s a bit of an idiot.

Like, Miss Piggy?

Thanks.

[Ludovic]

@featherlou

(Tiny PANTS? Who the heck would need tiny PANTS?!? Well, mice, I guess, and trolls, if they’re the baggy-sized ones…leprechauns, maybe.)

Hey, that’s being sort of insensitive to the ppl in this thread who have a hard time gaining weight