Anyone deal with delusional family?

Someone I want to talk to but is almost impossible to have a rational conversation with, they just can’t be called to account or take responsibility for ANYTHING. It gets kind of tiresome, but funny too sometimes(they blamed a fetus once for their lack of a nationality).

If you do not conform to their warped word use and accepted scenario(kinda like Stalin but with no power) they start throwing out ad hominems accusing you of being on drugs, or mysterious enemies are behind your actions playing you like a puppet against them. :rolleyes: They won’t accept you have opinions of your own volition, it is always someone behind you easier for them to hate or enemies etc.

If you press on then they do a sort of “Gish Gallop” but throwing out blame instead of cites, it is a ruse to get you to try and address them individually wasting time and exhausting you(the real goal). Eventually they will just get to blame for totally unrelated issues or perceived faults(Your friend dropped a pizza one time!).

This is a consistent personality trait extant at least thirty years. It is impossible to avoid the delusional topics because it is all over the place.

“I don’t know why they accused me of being fat”
“Because you are clinically obese at 1,753 pounds?!”
"WHAT! You know I’m big boned, and I had to spent two years eating greasy food at…20 minutes of whargarble.
“None of that changes the fact you are overweight”
“Whargarble whargarble whargarble”

That is just an example of course.

Anyway it just seems so…dismissive to me to just say they have a mental illness. They can be mighty functional when they WANT TO.

Six kids in my family, we are all in our sixties now. If you were to ask each of us to relate the story of our childhood it would be unrecognizable when relating to each others stories. We all seem to have our own reality, of course mine is the only one that is accurate.

How far does it go? I mean I’ve dealt with dueling delusions(real example):

Your brother was murdered by X, X is a murderer
Your brother died in a car crash

The truth is that my brother committed suicide with X’s stolen gun, to X’s agonizing regret. They will still bring up the supposed “murder”, but when I challenge it now it is a car crash.:rolleyes: I find it disrespectful and refuse to go along with it.

Simply avoid discussions on these subjects.

Walk away.

This. By definition, a delusion is a fixed false belief. You can’t use rational argument to convince someone to give up a delusional belief. So just avoid the problematic belief and spare yourself a big headache.

This is the reason I don’t talk with my younger sister. Nothing is ever her fault, because it is always my fault. Most recent example:

She has lost her driver’s license for drunk driving. She recently called my older sister with the claim that “I borrowed a used car, got into an accident, and broke my leg.” A little questions revealed the “used car” was a 2010 Jaguar, and she broke her little toe. The punchline was “It was all Annie’s fault. I was thinking of her at the time.”

In my family, it’s

Your brother committed suicide because of his religion
Your brother died in a farming accident because of his prior injury

or more recently

You killed your 90-year-old father by giving him water to drink [this was said in court, and the speaker clearly believed it]
Your father died of old age

and of course

Your father left another, different will on the front seat of his truck, which you broke in and stole, leaving nothing but everything else that was in the vehicle.
Your father didn’t travel with his will on the passenger seat of his truck.

About me, it’s “this is an attack by Satan” vs “I’m glad you brought that up.”

Shall I go on?

Anyway, grude, I know exactly what you mean, but I don’t have any answers. I always think that their childhoods were so awful that they had to learn to reshape reality to fit their current needs, and never learned to break the habit.

PS: for those advocating walking away, it’s hard when it’s immediate family, and when it relates to important issues that need to be discussed, or to everyday events.