Anyone else completely incapacitated by fear?

In My Humble Opinion
21

Turn off Howard Stern! If you must get news, get it from a fairly creditable source (I’ve been getting most of mine from the radio, NPR in particular. Having young kids at home, I’ve managed to avoid most TV coverage, which I think has gone a long way to keeping life normal). Turn the TV onto the Cartoon Channel - or someplace else where they don’t show people jumping out the building every five minutes. And when talking to people, remember that not all gossip is true, lots of people are out their right now talking out their butts, including “experts” on TV.

No one knows if the worst is over. This could escalate. But my best guess is that things could get pretty normal again for most of us very soon (unfortunately, things will never be “normal” again for survivors or the familys and friends of victims). Encourage the normalcy. Even if your world ends tomorrow (and it probably won’t), don’t let that ruin your today. Yeah, tomorrow you could get gassed. But last Monday afternoon you could have stepped off a curb and gotten hit by a bus, and yet you got through Monday just fine.

Jarbaby - all the best. I hope you can get life back to normal soon.

22

jarbabyj, I am scared, too.

(And let me say right off the bat that, First Amendment or no, someone needs to tell Howard Stern to shut the fuck up. Really. IMHO, he’s a juvenile who sole purpose in life is to get people to notice him, and who is not above using ANY situation to acheive that end. It is safe to assume that anything he says is a crock. Honest.)

I am scared that something like this could happen again. We didn’t know this time, we might not know next time. The calm certainty with which we have walked through our days has been compromised. We missed clues, but hey, let’s look at these clues – hindsight is 20/20, and maybe we should have been more prepared for something like this, but come on. This is an inconceivable act of brutality, so then how could we have conceived of it? We now know some of what people are capable of. But we obviously don’t know what ALL people are capable of. So, yes, that is scary as hell. We don’t even know where to look.

I am paralyzed by the fear that we will go to war. I am haring people crying out for more blood. My God. Hasn’t there been enough? I understand the need for vengeance before our eyes. We keep hearing how the people of the United States have come to the aid of one another, how wonderful it is that the blood banks are having to turn donors away, how people have selflessly given of their time, their money, their expertise. No one is talking about how divided we really are now. There are people of this country who are Middle Eastern, or who are of Middle Eastern descent, and I fear for them. There are people who are allowing this situation to reach down into them and yank out all manner of horrible thoughts and feelings. Even here on the SDMB, there is division among racial and religious lines. We are flaming each other when we need to more than ever be united.

I am scared because I don’t know if I am right, that this will make us stronger. What if we become what we fear: racists, ethnic cleansers, warmongers, killers? I am so frightened when I see people saying they would gladly stab this “whoever” through the eye, that they would cheerfully kill innocent people in retribution, that they would blindly follow the dictates of war. Can you hear yourselves? Doesn’t it scare you to find that capacity in yourself?

Yes, I am scared. And I’m not making much sense. But my God, please, no more. Where will it end?

23

I didn’t say that! I said the worst has happened.

Jarbaby you could be hit by a bus today. Or you could slip in the tub and break your neck. Are going to stop bathing now? You are far more likely to break your neck in the tub than be blown up or gassed by terrorists. Besides my fear is what they want. They will not get it.

Stop listening to Howard Stern for NEWS!

24

Hey Jarbaby, sorry this awful act has you and others so concerned about our future. I heard on NPR yesterday that’s actually exactly the intended reaction the wingnuts that perpetrated this hoped to exact. Wish we could all be right there to offer some cold milk and a warm heart.

The U.S. is a diferent place today than it was Monday. I wish we could forever live in our old blissful innocence but a small group of fanatics have changed that. We are today more aware of how some in the world perceive us and I honestly think the daily actions and responses of those we’ve intrusted to safeguard us are changing in the proper manner to address this.

Everyone, and I mean the military, the intelligence community, the transportation authorities, the justice department, the many law enforcement agencies, immigration, hell even the sanitation department, they’re all focused on the increased scope and responsibility that exists now. In the short term, their sense of wariness and suspicion will help ensure our safety. Very soon each will reassess their procedures and make the appropriate changes. And in the long term, I think from Tuesday forward this nation will always continue to be eternally vigilent. Never again will we be as trusting or naive as in the past.

Take heart, friend, that once our grieving and investigating and rebuilding are over, we’ll be able to carry on in the pursuit of each of the interests and pleasures that we hold dear. We’re gonna be okay, tomorrow and the day after that.

25

That kind of fear is exactly what will keep you from becoming one of them. When you understand the hatred, identify with it and no longer fear it; start worrying!

26

I can look out of my window at work and see the Sears Tower a block away. I have a dozen friends that work there. Tuesday, I was terrified that any minute I’d see a plane heading towards the lakefront. I hear jet-like noise, and I freeze. I’m mentally calculated how long it would take me to run to safety if the Tower gets hit. I’m worried my child or his Muslim school friends will get hurt my nutcase bigots, or their families.

I’m afraid of everything right now. It’s not just you. Pass a Celexa?

27

Ahh, I do believe the word “terrorist” means something, does it not?

Oh, well. RickJay, you are exactly right.

I am no longer worried because I luckily developed this gum infection that has my mouth swollen and head aching. My wife, on the other hand, has been having trouble sleeping and I can practically hear her pulse racing when she hears a flight from the nearby Air Force Base.
She can’t watch the news or listen to the radio without coming to tears.

I know all the facts and I know why people do what they do -politically speaking- but I can’t help but wonder …

How can you think you are right in mass-murder? Life does not exist to be extinguished en mass, so how can sombody actually think they’ll go to “heaven” by killing a lot of people just because they disagree with them.

I see that as the very antithesis of enlightenment.

28

Jarbaby:

Being afraid is normal, especially if you live close to the scene. HOWEVER: After reading your posts, I am feeling concerned for you. If I may offer a word of advice (and feel free to tell me to go to hell if you wish), I suggest you talk to a mental health professional – a counselor, a psychologist, someone who can help you deal with this.

You are sounding like you have PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Which is completely normal, in this case. But it’s something that should NOT be dealt with alone, but with the help of someone who can assist.

Do continue posting and reading the board messages – they are helping me vent and cope as necessary. And remember we are all here and pulling for you. Meanwhile, I will add you to my thoughts and prayers.

Keep safe, and please stay well.

29

thank you for the kind words. I’m just looking for a ray of hope. I can’t find one. All it is is WAR, APOCOLYPSE, TERRORISM, REVENGE.

Not one person has said “it’s going to be alright” And I know it can’t be alright today, or next week. I know this won’t be a merry christmas (my favorite time of year), I know I’ll never go to New York again or get on a plane.

Why are people still forwarding Nostradamus around on the internet? Why are people starting conspiracy theories? Why are people saying “I don’t want to scare you but…” IF YOU DON’T WANT TO SCARE ME…DON’T SCARE ME.

I try to turn off the radio or the news, but what if I miss something? Yesterday there was a bomb scare at the Empire State Building! Today they’re evacuating Orlando Airport! Don’t tell me it’s safe to fly!

maybe you’re right caircair…I need the straightjacket and the padded room.

jarbaby

30

This is my ray of hope. You have a husband who loves you…you have a beagle pup who eats your underpants :wink: , you have friends…you have a world of possibilities ahead of you. At the beginning of the century, a half million Americans died during the influenza pandemic. We are still here. We fought wars with wretched dictators…came to the brink of nuclear war during JFKs administration…we are still here.

We, as a nation and world will be here tomorrow and next year. Howard Stern is an ass, who apparently is pandering to the lowest common denominator.

Go to a prayer vigil in Chicago. Light a candle. Send money to the red cross. Play with Marge.
<subliminal suggestion> Make beagledave some lemon bars </subliminal suggestion>

There is a vacuum in your heart, proactively fill it with goodness instead of letting darkness and despair seep in. Mourn yes…cry yes…despair…no.

31

Sweet Jesus, you girls don’t seem to know how to handle these things. Guy methods for dealing with stress:

Turn off Howard Stern, a known moron and rabblerouser.

Wake up Mr Jar and climb on top. Sex is a wonderful way to reaffirm that you are alive.

Have a few beers, go out back, and howl at the moon. Directing your rage at an inanimate object helps.

On a similar, but messier, note, punch a wall.

Hug the kids.

Bury yourself in your work.

Give blood.

Do volunteer work.

Park along Irving Park Road and count the planes that don’t crash. While you are there, kick some of the ghouls waiting for a crash they can videotape and wonder why they waste their time.

Finally, it really is going to be alright! It may take a while but it will eventually be alright. Notice how the trend of human existence has been improvement in people’s lives and a lengthening of their lives. Patience is important. You have the strength to continue.

32

Jarbaby, here’s a glass of chilled Idaho Riesling and some cheese and apple wedges. Lie back, relax, and I’ll rub your feet with some aloe lotion.

It’s going to be okay.
You are alive here and now.
You have family and friends who love you, not to mention all of us electron pixies out here in the ether.
Let go of fear.
Breathe in love and peace.
Normal life WILL resume.

33

Jarbaby, Let me second what Gobear and other have said. One thing that I will add, that I hope will help, is concerning panic attacks.
I don’t know about your specific condition, but I know what mine were like and to say that they sucked is an understatement. One thing to remember when you are having a panic or anxiety attack is just that- it is an attack- that is it is not a normal product of your reasoning process. For me, sometimes many, many hours would pass before I was anything remotely close to normal again. In this situation is NORMAL to be upset and frightened. It is impossible to tell how much of this you would still feel if it was not for the panic attacks.

I don’t know your religious or support background, but for a lot of people, the Serenity prayer can be helpful to meditate on. Just a thought, if it is appropriate. (I identify as pagan, and it has helped me from time to time)

Things WILL be all right. I refuse to countenance any other possibility.

34

SMACK

Girls and guys are different, mmkay?
(Yes, I know, this is a point of debate)

The rest of the advice is good, but it sounds like JB is in a negative mental loop (I have been there! They SUCK!) Sex is not a good idea in that mood.

If I was her, I would head to a big place with a lot of people, drink a latte or a margarita, buy a new pair of shoes (I very rarely shop) and cuddle my sweetie for a bit. Sitting home staring at the wall does not give your mind anywhere to go.

Anyways, regardless of what the lady does, I am sending her a hug. -HUG- People care. like gobear!

35

First off, let me say Howard Stern is a… well, I can’t say here, in IMHO. Forget about him. All he ever does is take, take take. The man is not worth your time. Leave him for somebody else :slight_smile:

Second, I’ve been saying this a lot lately, and I don’t know if it’s really that comforting, but I like to think about it this way: I am in as much danger from terrorists today as I was a week ago. Flying in an airplane today (or whenever the airports open) is just as safe as it was a week ago. NYC, once the buildings damaged by this stop collapsing, will be just as safe as it was a week ago. Bad things happened. Very bad things. They always have the potential to happen, but just becuase today was a bad day does not mean that every other day will be too.

36

Good advice from everybody. Meanwhile, Jarbaby, did I say anything about a padded room and straitjacket? After re-reading my post, I only suggested you get help.

But then, I’ve been in a depression and reacted just as you are – irrationally. (Which makes sense, to act irrationally when the whole frickin’ world seems irrational!) Mostly, what I wanted to convey is that we care about you, we know you’re scared (and so are we) and as for promising it will get better, it’s not a promise I can make because it isn’t one I can keep.

But YOUR SITUATION WILL GET BETTER. YOU WILL NOT ONLY SURVIVE THIS, YOU WILL SUCCEED IN COMING OUT AHEAD. DO NOT LET YOUR FEARS TAKE HOLD OF YOU AND DRAG YOU DOWN, DO YOUR BEST TO LET REASON RULE.

One other teeny bit of advice (if you can stand one more) – maybe volunteering someway would help? One of the best ways to fight that overwhelmed feeling is to feel you CAN make a difference. Write a letter to a friend you haven’t seen in awhile. Donate to the charity of your choice. Give blood. Volunteer to mentor a kid, help with his homework. Do something to take the focus off you and put it on something outside yourself. (I speak from experience; when I do this, it works very well for me. [But of course, as my husband tells me “You give yourself such good advice, but you never take it!”]).

Above all else, remember there are others out there who care about you. Reach out for us – we’re here.

37

jarbaby, I feel for you. Hopefully I can give you a little perspective.

You’re worried about war. Ok, this is understandable. But I’m here to tell you that it’s not all that bad. First, the war is necessary and just. This is important because the more countries side with us, the less chance there is of certain Arab countries rising up against us (if/once we initiate a campaign), which could lead to things getting a bit out of hand.

Secondly, I’m in the military, and part of my job involves writing certain parts of war plans. I’ve seen most of our general war plans and can tell you they’re fairly conservative, orderly, and thoughtful about collateral damage. If we go to war, I can almost guarantee that at worst it’ll be a small-scale operation, limited to the Gulf region. As far as nukes go, don’t worry about it. President Bush has candidly admitted that he had absolutely no plans or thoughts about using them in the Gulf War, which was a major military campaign. I honestly can’t realistically see how this could escalate into the nuclear arena.

Thirdly, I agree with what others have said about living in fear. The other part of my job involves flying in very old airplanes. I used to have this outrageous fear when we’d hit turbulence that a wing would fall off. I’d look out the window and see this thirty-year old wing, with two huge turbo props weighing it down, flopping up and down in the wind and think, “It’s only a matter of time before it snaps.” Finally, I got tired of feeling that every time we hit turbulence. So, I started to enjoy the bumps. I figured if I was gonna go out, I’d go out with a shit-eating grin on my face rather than in a mindless panic. So, at the very least, start enjoying your life again for yourself, if not to also spite the terrorists. It’s draining to live in fear. And, I really enjoy your posts! You seem like such an upbeat person that it kills me to hear you talking this way. It’s hard for me to give you any more reassurance in this forum, but please feel free to email me if this keeps up.