In case you missed it, the mother of one of the Columbine shooters recently published a memoir. Introduction written by Andrew Solomon (of “Far From the Tree” fame), writeups in all the major outlets, interviews plastered all over the place with headlines like “SHE STILL REGRETS”, you know the drill . . .
And . . . does anyone else feel incredibly disgusted by it? We’re not talking about any of the victims. Hell, I doubt most people could remember any of the victim’s names, let alone those of their parents (apart from Rachel, due to the massive campaign, but point still stands). In an age when these types of shootings are becoming more and more frequent, when one of the common factors between them all is lonely young men who want to achieve recognition and lasting remembrance - is pouring over every gory detail of their childhoods REALLY what we want to be doing? I don’t care that so-and-sos mom is “so sorry”. I don’t care she “never realized her son was troubled”. For Pete’s sake, places like Hollywood Reporter are writing about this - is this really the best that we, as a society, can do?
I posted this in IMHO and not GD because I don’t have any magic solution to debate. I guess any sort of ban on this woman publishing memoirs about her shitty offspring would be a 1st amendment issue. It would be nice to put some common sense/decency restrictions on the media, but frankly the US media is so messed up and profit-driven right now I don’t think that’s realistic. But . . . am I completely alone in feeling icky about all this hype? Most people I’ve talked to either are interested in or lukewarm about the memoir and associated coverage, but I seem to be the only person I know actively against it.
I honestly didn’t know what you were talking about. Columbine is still very clear in my memory. Obviously it was the first (at least major) school shooting, but I was also fresh out of high school and a brand new college student, so there was a big feeling of ‘if this catches on, it could happen here’.
Anyways, she has a book coming out, that’s all there is to it. You seemed to have missed that detail in the OP.
If one of the victim’s moms or a teacher’s spouse or a school administrator was putting out a book, that person would also be on the TV and we’d all talk about Columbine for a few days again.
I guess I have trouble believing this. There seems to be a specific fascination with the fact that the author is the killer’s mother - a memoir published by someone else might be written about, sure, but I feel as though the interest displayed here is a little like cars slowing down to stare at a bad accident.
Octarine, I do share your negative feelings towards such things as well as some confusion over how I should be feeling. Disgust that our society seems heading in the direction of ever more sensationalism in the “news” arena, and concern that that level of attention engenders copycat behavior, are just two of many reasons I wish this sort of thing would just go away.
Perhaps a more “academic” setting for discussing the merits of such reporting would cut down on the popularization of such actions, but it would appear that “rumor rags” and their equivalent broadcast outlets have too much of a following for that solution to have a chance. Similar arguments can be made for Porn and Snuff Films and the like. Moralizing and trying to sell Decency are just Old Hat these days. Each new generation (including the one I have grown up with) looks for ways to push the envelope on what’s shocking or disgusting.
What will be fun, if we live long enough, will be to see what it takes to shock and repel the generation (or two) after this current one!
I don’t know. I think there could be some really useful information in there about how people parent, where they believe one thing (EG: My perfect child!) versus the reality. Now, I don’t know if that would actually do any good and reach those who would need it, but seeing the breakout on how this happened and how better to (maybe) prevent it, should be a helpful thing. At least, to my way of thinking.
And the reason I think that memoirs from the victim’s families go nowhere… sadly, there’s nothing useful to glean from them. I mean, there basically just reactionary tales. Wrong place, wrong time and little else. Not to mention the proliferation. At this point, with the exception of the aforementioned Rachel, do any even stand out as distinguishable from the others? It’s so incredibly horrible, but true. There’s just too many.
What fascination? I’ve seen a couple of articles on Reddit, but there is no real “buzz” that I can tell.
I’m scratching my head over your complaint. Why not hear the killer’s mother’s story? Perhaps someone can learn something from her testimony. What signs does she think she missed? Was there anything she would have done differently?
And then there’s the (potentially interesting) story about how one picks themselves up after the very worst thing in the world happens. How hard was her life afterwards? Was she abandoned by friends and family? Did she and her husband manage to stay together? What haunts her the most? What advice would she give other parents who are in a similar predicament?
You may not find either of these stories captivating, but plenty of people do.
I dunno, I think it is interesting and insightful to hear what she has to say. School shootings are an absolute plague and they do not seem to be leaving America any time soon. People want to know how and why it happens, and a big part of the how and why begins with the intimate details of the shooters’ home lives.
Finally, someone is giving us the intimate details of one of the most notorious shooters’ home lives. Perhaps it will help us make sense of the tragedy and, most importantly, perhaps the insight will help someone put a stop to another tragedy of the same kind.
If she has anything important to say she should be providing the information for free, rather than trying to profit from her failure to stop her son from becoming a monster.
I understand that they’re captivating - it’s prime material, compelling and interesting. But that’s what makes me so squeamish. Why are we so enamored by the “bad guys”?
I know there are multiple theories as to why school shootings are such an issue nowadays (and the reality is probably a combination of many factors), but I believe a major part of it is the 24/7 media endlessly publicizing the shooters and giving them a kind of fame. Looking at it that way, wouldn’t the damage done by continuing to spread their names around be greater than any “warning signs” relatives might give (most of which is generic, anyway: “he was quiet”, yeah, big whoop).
Maybe she doesn’t have any grand epiphanies to share. Maybe her story is simply: “I don’t know what the hell we can do about mass shooters. I’m just as clueless as you are. Sorry!”
If you don’t want to hear this, don’t buy the damn book. But what you and the OP are doing is judging her story before you’ve even read it. That hardly seems fair.
I think you have perhaps inadvertently explained why you don’t like the idea of this book: you have decided it’s her fault and that she could have prevented the shootings.
I have not read the book, but I did see the 60 Minutes interview with her. I think it is an important contribution to understanding those events. The OP does not seem to want to shift from a simple demonization of the principals (and their parents). The tragic mistake that she made in dealing with her son was a simple one; she assumed that he was fundamentally like her. He was not, and she (and likely most of us) was not prepared for that. I know people who are dealing with a psychotic child and I sympathize with them. Anything that adds to our ability to discover and treat these people is good. I suspect there are many of them out there, although most are not given to the kind of violence that characterized Dylan Klebold, they all hurt themselves and the people around them.
Eh, I didn’t mean to come across as against it because I think the woman is evil or anything - the blame certainly isn’t entirely hers to bear, and if she’s found ways to deal with being the mother of a mass murderer, more power to her. It’s more an annoyance that once again we’re giving the names and photos of the killers recognition; it’s what they want. It would be nice to be able to talk about these issues without focusing on the individuals and giving them a twisted form of celebrity status.
In a review in the NYTimes, the book quotes a letter sent to her from one of her son’s victim’s parents. It basically said she should discuss how Dylan was parented because people would learn and most people think you were bad anyway. So she was writing it with that intent.
She will be on NPR’s Fresh Air tomorrow.
I am not getting the impression that this is exploitative to make a buck and more about looking at what can be learned from this now-more-regular occurrence. Unfortunately, from the reviews that I have read, the answer is No - she and her now-ex-husband saw some signs of a teenager with issues, but nothing pointing to this terrible tragedy.
Do you think that was her intent; to raise a killer?
I can’t even begin to imagine the horror of not only losing my child but to know that they were intentionally responsible for the deaths of so many others. I’d think the questioning, the self-doubt, & the grief would tear me apart.
