So i’m going to the Registry of Motor Vehicles today, and a couple of whackos have a table set up outside the entrance. On the table are various books, some pamphlets, and a small stack of newspaprers. Signs hang from the table with eye-catching words such as “Israeli”, “Palestine”, “Sharon”, “Arafat”, and “Nazi”. There is an old brass lantern here. I am likely to be eaten by a grue.
But anyway, there are two people here, one male, one female, both white, i’m estimating their age at about 35-50. They accost people who are entering the building, trying to draw them into some type of conversation. Most people ignore them and continue into the building. Smart.
But me, hell, i’m curious. Curious like a cat, they would say. However, cats aren’t curious all the time. Take vacuum cleaners, for example. The only curiosity cats have with vacuum cleaners is “When the hell is that thing going to stop so i can get out of this box hidden behind the old winter clothes packed on the top shelf of this closet 7 rooms away from the offending machinery?” So, anyway, seeing that i show interest in their little display, the crazies pounce on me, exactly unlike how a cat pounces on a vacuum cleaner.
Upon a quick glance at the signs on their display, and after listening to their opening harrasment, i realise that they are supporting Palestine and are somehow equating Israelis with Nazis. “Wait, you guys are supporting Palestine?”, i ask increduosly. Blah blah Israel blah blah evil blah Nazi blah. So i tell them straight, “I fully support Israel, after sustaining days of terrorist attacks, they should go in and kick some Palestinian ass.”
The loonies look at me, shocked: “Does this include killing schoolchildren!” Blah blah blah Israel blah 400 schoolchildren blah blah Nazi-like tactics blah blah. At this point i realised i was in a no-win situation. I’m not a mid-east scholar. These people could easily kill me with details and information, whether false or true. Hell, a Bible Creationist could beat me in a debate on the street, just because i wouldn’t be able to explain how evolution isn’t disproved by the 7th law of thermodianetics.
I’ve got better things to do than argue with full-crazed no-wits on streetcorners. Sheesh, it was cutting into my time arguing with half-crazed half-wits on the internet. So i mumble something stupid concerning “freaking psychos”, and proceed to enter the building. As i turn away, the guy asks me, “You got your swastika with you today?” I, being the crowned prince of wit, tap my left arm and say “Yeah, right here.”, as if i were hiding my regulation Nazi armband under my Iron Maiden t-shirt, which incidently, has a picture on the front of Eddy fighting the devil … always good for first impressions.
Of course, as i walk through the double doors of the Registry of Satan’s Minions, the perfect comeback came to me. Forget about anything concerning Godwin, all i had to say was, “If i’m the Nazi, then why are you the ones on a streetcorner spewing propaganda?” Yes, i may be a complete idiot, but i’m only six seconds away from sparkling wit. If only i had a time machine, those bastards would feel silly!
And since this is the pit, fuck you and your little cat, too.
