My GF, Honesty, is currently under chemo treatments for breast cancer which is spreading through her chest. She hasn’t been feeling well the last couple days, and I’m feeling helpless over here. I was wondering if anyone here has had to undergo chemotherapy, and if so, what can I do for Honesty? Is there anything special that I could do for her to help her through this and maybe help her feel better? I feel so stupid just watching her feel so sick and not being able to do anything other than offering comforting words that I’m not even sure are so comforting.
Not that I am telling you to go break the law, but a friend of ours who was very nauseous during chemo smoked pot to help combat the sickness as well as bring back his appetite.
Chemo is a very nasty thing, I am so sorry the two of you are having to deal with this. I will be thinking about you.
Try to be as supportive as you can, without smothering or trying to fix everything, because you can’t. Try not to be depressed or impatient or pissed off when you’re together, because she will be looking to you for support. Understand that you didn’t cause this, and you can’t fix it. What you can do is ask her what she needs, then do your best to help, even if it’s just getting some Haagen Dazs or renting her favorite video.
Hello BratMan. My best wishes for you and your Girlfriend to come through this OK.
Yes, I’ve had chemo. ABVD for Hodgkins. I won’t bore you with the details.
Different people have different emotional responses to a situation like this. I, for instance, didn’t want my wife to try cheering me up. I was sick and she couldn’t fix my physical problems. Every time she was obviously trying to cheer me up it was just another reminder of how much my life and our relationship had to change because of the cancer. My biggest method of coping was to try and live as normal a life as possible and this wasn’t helping. I din’t want to be treated like a cancer patient despite the fact that I was.
So what did help? Things we could do together, especially things to distract me from my sickness. Going out to a movie for instance. What you can do, of course, depends on how much she can do.
When all is said and done, she may have a vastly different coping method than I did. Listen to her. This may be a challange because you are both in a new situation and she may not know what she wants or be able to communicate it if she does. Let her know you’re there for her no matter what.
That’s all I have for now. If I think of more I’ll add it in.
Good luck.
you’re such a sweetie…sigh…
when my dad was going through chemo…mountains of icecream helped him feel better (the chemicals in chemo can screw with your stomach, ice cream makes the fires of hell feel lessened)…and the biggie that seemed to help him was…ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…
that his doc also suggested a joint if he felt especially nauseous…which in turn, led to comedy movie rentals by the dozens…alot of Cheech and Chong, Carlin, etc…
my mom and I just tried to keep his spirits up, and we learned to leave him alone to suffer when he truly wanted it that way…
after a year of chemo, he has been cancer-free for over 7 years now…
Cancer free for 7 years? That’s good news. I’m not sure about her smoking pot though, since just late last year she cleaned herself off drugs for good.
Anyway, I wasn’t sure what I can do for her, and apparently, there’s not a whole hell of a lot for me to do. I’ll just try to be there for her, I guess.
Bratman-
I am really, really sorry that Honesty is going through this. And that you are, too.
Please give her my best, and a hug, and tell her I’ll be praying for her.
Scotti
Ask her what you can do (if anything) to help. Like Trion, she might want to be left alone, but she might also want hand-holding and cups of tea. Just make it clear to her that you want to do whatever you can–including leaving her alone, if that is what she wants.
I haven’t been through this, but I have been around folks who have. People have different ways of coping and the only way to really know what will help is to ask.
BTW, marinol is a precription drug that helps with nausea, but it is a derivative of marijuana, so I don’t know how she will feel about taking it. Fortunately, the nausea usually goes away on its own over time. To hurry it along, I have used a self-meditation trick with nausea with some success. You use deep breathing to relax and then picture your stomach as a lake with lots of turbulence and waves. Then you slowly visualize the water becoming calmer and calmer. This works with me and I have used it with chemo patients. When it works, it is great and it does not hurt to try.
Good luck to both of you. She is lucky to have you be there for her.
My dad has just decided not to continue chemo for a strange form of lymphoma. Although he has known for a while that any treatment was going to be only therapeutic and not a cure, I think this was an important step. I went out to Arizona to be with him for what I am certain will be his last summer in his garden. We talked about cooking and we talked about plants and we talked about family and we talked about the future. As much as the nattering of the mundane may grind on your ears, talk about the simple things. And don’t be afraid to speak of the worst things either, because you must.
Ron, I’m so sorry that you are both going through this. Just be there for her. Ask her if she needs anything or wants anything but don’t pressure her. I know you feel helpless but you can’t fix this and it will just make her feel worse if she has to think about making sure your feelings aren’t hurt. If you need anything, let me know. And if you need to talk, you have my number (if you don’t have it anymore, e-mail me and I’ll give it to you.)
Thanks, evilbeth. I have your number somewhere, I’m sure. I’ll just have to look around for it. I’m not the most organized person in the world, you know. All I know is that it’s on a yellow index card somewhere in my apartment.