I’m sure some dopers will have experience of or about Chemotherapy. A freind of mine is going through this process, having fairly mild chemotherapy. What sort of things should I try to do to help?
That really depends on what they need, of course. You should ask them. There are so many kinds of chemo nowadays that it’s hard to give decent generic advice. Are they going to lose their hair? How much nausea are they going to deal with? How about other gastro problems, or numbness, or dizziness?
My guess, based on your description of “mild,” is that they will lose their hair and suffer stomach-flu-type symptoms for a couple of days after each session.
That said, here are some helpful things to offer:
- Rides to/from the hospital. When you’re feeling queazy is no time to drive.
- General help-around-the-house stuff. Walking the dog, grocery shopping, do a load of laundry, pick up the kids from school.
- Food-related help. They need mild-tasting, nutritious, easy to prepare. Soup, maybe. Fruit. Good bread. Ginger ale helps with that funny taste in your mouth.
- Buy them a hat. Buy two. Hats are far more useful than wigs or scarves.
- Offer to take a walk/work out with them. Exercise is increasingly being seen as a big help for those going through chemo. I don’t know why it is, but it seems the more you exercise (within reason, of course) the milder your chemo symptoms.
- Offer to help them keep the bills straight. There are so many, coming from multiple groups, that it’s really easy to lose track. (For each visit, you could get one statement from the doctor, one from the hospital, one from the pharmacy, and of course one to three from the insurance company.)
Excellent list, Agonist.
My MIL’s going thru this now. Bippy, does you friend have a significant other? Don’t forget it’s pretty rough and grinding on them too and if appropriate maybe you could jst sit in for them every once in awhile and let them get away, relax and recoup as well.
Other than that, as mentioned the patient isn’t going to feel like doing much of anything and I’m sure whatever help you could give with driving, shopping and chores would be much appreciated.
Stay away from them if you think you’re even mildly sick. Keep other sick people that are idiots from going near them. Visit them and be ready to accept that they feel bad, and don’t want to talk that day. Check in for a visit daily, to make sure they aren’t having a bad reaction. Make sure stuff that you can take care of is done, like the dishes washed and stuff.
The most important thing for a family friend of ours has been to support his wife emotionally, honestly. He’s really been down (even though this is the last round of chemo and he’s evidently in remission - good news recently) and it’s been so hard for her. Also, if it’s like with him, it’s important to keep inviting even if he never comes. Of course we go over there, my dad more than the rest of us, but his wife tells us that our constant pressure to get back out into the world has really been a good thing for him. Of course, chemo is different for everybody, and your mileage may certainly vary.
Ask them if they need help. Sounds simple enough.
Anecdote: I had a friend who was diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent chemo (which ended up being successful). She was a bit down and annoyed by the way that everyone was asking “are you ok?”, “are you sure I can’t get you anything?” etc. She never liked being treated like a fragile egg and hated being the center of attention. She also had a bit of a dark sense of humor, so I decided to help the best way I knew how. I bought a Barbie and carefully opened the doll, carefully extracted the doll, shaved her head and put her in a hospital gown with headscarf accessories and put her back into the box. I then made an overlay sticker that said “Chemo-fabulous™ Barbie”. She loved it because it made her feel normal again.
Ask. What can I do? Is there anything you need? Who is taking you to your appointments? Want me to pick up some milk/bread/tea?
Supporting the SO is also important - many times people are so worried about the patient they forget the SO and other family members are also suffering. Are there kids involved? Offer to take them to the movies, or camping for a weekend (if you are the kids/camping type), or even out for ice cream. They may need someone to listen to their fears.
I asked this ?? on some cancer support board when they recently thought my GF had cancer…the best thing I was told was to tell her that you are there for her ,and for her to ask you for whatever she needs…some days after chemo, she may be too tired to even talk, some days she may NEED to talk, ,and some days she may want someone to take her out for lunch. It’s tough to know day to day what they need, so if you make yourself open to them that is the best thing you can do.
It is said that statistically a positive attitude of those around a cancer patient contirbutes towards their recovery. I certainly believe this was responsible for my full recovery from a melanoma about twenty years ago. Make positive waves. 