As someone who has an anxiety disorder, I think you are on absolutely the right track.
And I think you are doing a damn good job of looking for the right solutions.
I’m going to raise this at the parent group tomorrow night but checking if someone here has experience.
So, if it wasn’t clear. Twin A has always been a snacker and still is now. We have also had success with agreeing on an action plan, and then she works the steps, handles it her way, with a good outcome (she had a failing math grade early in the 2nd semester, and pulled it up to a B+ by end of the year). So, I’m thinking if it is a good idea (and I’ll check it with the anxiety parent group moderator/doctor), if we do a weigh in once a week? I can join as I would like to lose 10 more pounds to reach fighting weight.
I’m not sure if this would feed anxiety or empowerment? It would relieve *me *from worrying if she’s getting enough calories. 
We could do a first thing in the morning weigh in to make sure she isn’t losing weight and hopefully I am.
Mine was 25, not 13, but the advice I got was to not let her see the number she came in as. I would have her step on backwards. I would also spring it on her randomly, after she had peed. A good way to cheat is to drink a lot of water in prep for the weigh in.
She’ll go up and down a pound through the day, so don’t bother thinking too hard about the last digit. So long as you’re ± 3 of where you’re supposed to be, you’re all good.
I should have said, don’t give it to her if she’s on other stuff, unless you get a sign-off from a doctor that’s good with brain chemistry.
Though, at that dose, we’re talking nutritional supplement not medication, so there’s unlikely to be any issue.
Thanks SR. Good tips and I’ll bring up at therapy. The last thing I want is it to become stressful or something to be obsessed over. At the same time, a 105 pound growing 13 year old should not be losing weight.
Understand on the daily fluctuations. It’s like the great advice my pediatrican gave: kids need a balanced diet over a week, don’t sweat a meal or a few days.
Didn’t get a chance to ask on the litium or weighing in to ensure no wait loss at the parent session yesterday.
However, Twin A and I agreed to create a “fear ladder” on her fear of the dark. Long story short, set a series of increasingly harder goals until reaching success. For example, at bedtime, turn out the lights for 2 minutes (with parent outside the room and no cutting short the time to “rescue” the child from experiencing the anxiety) and then turn on the night light. And then increasing the time and pushing outside the comfort zone to 5 minutes, 10 minutes, etc until the child understands that there is nothing to fear. The darkness is not a real danger that poses and imminent threat of harm that triggers the fight or flight reaction. It will be uncomfortable, but have to help the child face the anxiety (with positive reinforcement, rewards, praise, etc) to get over it.
She’s also picked a goal to raise her hand in class at least once per day. She has really serious anxiety over being called upon by the teacher. I’m going to talk to the counselor about this as well as parent group. Need to have a plan to address this because cannot go down the path of the teacher *not *calling on her thus enabling avoidance and never addressing the anxiety. Twin A gets intellectually the worst thing that can happen is the teacher will correct her or ask another student, and it’s not the end of the world to be called upon by a teacher. That said, Twin A doesn’t get that in the moment when she is called upon.
Regarding eating. We had a long talk. I said I was concerned and warning bells were going off. Admitted I might be over reacting but anorexia has serious repurcussions so I can’t ignore it. Understand dinner might be stressful given my wife and I are at the table together. I care that she gets enough to eat/calories over a week, she snacks a lot that I might not be aware of, but if she loses weight it’s a real issue. She assured me that she tracks calories every day to make sure she is eating enough, that she is eating healthy and not overdoing any junk food, and that her weight has been steady for 18 months (actually she has put on some pounds but kids often have poor time sense). I pointed out that as a growing 13 year old, if her weight does not increase then in relative terms she is losing weight. That was kind of a light bulb moment for her.
Twin A then said. I’ll show you my weight log. I replied that this is too important for self reporting. She then volunteered go weigh me right now (clocked in at 109), and we can weigh weekly. I gave her high praise for being an adult and challenged her to show my concerns are unfounded. Feeds right into the anxiety stuff we are learning about positive reinforcement (my praise and giving her the power to manage her weight herself as long as it’s in the right direction) and negative reinforcement (gets me off her back with a bonus of being able to “prove” me wrong). At least I am a lot less concerned now. I will though randomly do a weight check weekly…
And first day of 8th grade seemed to go well. At least, she doesn’t avoid school, or make herself throw up at school so she can go home or anything like that (thank goodness never has)…
That all sounds positive.
It sounds like you are doing well! So glad to hear it.
Talk to her pediatrician and make sure you have a reasonable idea about what her weight should be. 109 sounds pretty good to me. I was a ballerina, so lots of muscle but almost no fat. At 13 I was already 5’9" and weighed about 105. Encourage your girls to focus on being strong rather than being thin or what their weight is. (beyond this tracking thing, of course, not arguing that.)
Can they do a pull up? Do 30 sit ups? Run a mile? Make those sorts of goals, because the muscle they lay on now will serve them well throughout their lives. A girls metabolism goes through all kinds of fluctuations, but a good muscle base really helps to even that out.
And, for some reason, flexibility seems to “stick”. I haven’t been well and am very inactive now, but I can still bend over and touch the floor, stuff like that, from when I was younger and exercised.
I went by urgent care and got her last report from early July, and she is virtually the same weight. The report also puts her at about 55th percentile for height, weight and BMI, so that all looks good.
She runs at least a couple of miles per week cross country during school (it’s a “running school”), can do 10 pullups.
Even better she’s been eating and at least toned down the food avoidance. We picked up her buddy for a sleep over and went to Fat Burger for lunch. Last week before our talk, she started out by saying I can’t eat more than half a vegetarian Amazing Burger and want to skip the milkshake (BTW, these are amazingly good. Could prolly fool most people into thinking it was a hamburger and not a veggie burger).Today we got two burgers cut for the 3 of us and a milkshake they split. Twin B got a kids meal. Well, Twin A and her buddy pretty much devoured Twin B’s fries before their order came. I’m not quite sure who ate how much of the burger but they kind enough to leave me 1/4 of a burger and a couple of French Fries, and they finished the shake. She is also eating more at breakfast (yogurt, one egg and cheese omelet, fried potatoes). So, I am very happy to report that the obvious in your face food avoidance that started this thread seems to have abated. Of course, I will monitor closely but give Twin A the freedom to make sure she eats enough by herself.
We’re working on the anxiety and working the plan to get over being scared of the dark as the first one to resolve. I’m pretty sure once we start removing some of the anxiety, then the overall stress level will come down and become a virtuous cycle.
I also met the new middle school counselor yesterday. She’s great. Will restart the weekly at school therapy. She will also work with me (and my group counseling lead) to work on the raise hand in class anxiety and the teacher calls on me anxiety. Gotta face those fears to get to the other side.
For what it’s worth, I can’t eat a full-sized burger from any takeaway chain, and I’d never be able to drink a milkshake as well. Given her age, I think what you are saying she ate sounds like a fair bit.
Yes, and a huge contrast to the avoidance or couple of token bites that she did on our epic trip to Banff