John Wayne in “The Shootist”
Eve, don’t worry about whining when your mom’s the one in the dire straits. After all, if she whines enough HER doctor WILL be courteous enough to dope her up.
<you never offered to let me sock your beezer>
Welcome back.
Is your mom a joiner? Will she participate in the activities at the home? Sometimes after living alone, its nice to be around others. My grandma hated us when we put her in a home. (We did it for her own safety ) Soon, she was enjoying bingo and crafts in the main hall. She had friends her own age. She was there for 4 years and other than the first month, I think she enjoyed it.
She actually did sign up to go to a concert today, which is an excellent sign, but she keeps asking me, “How long am I going to be in this place? When can I go home?” And her cat still has not come out from under the bed.
I sent the “Wellness Director” (!) an e-mail with what I think is the list of Mom’s meds and when she gets them and asked, “Is this correct? Is this what she’s getting?” and got back a big goddam lot of help answer: “The way I prefer this to work is that next visit you can see her MD orders to update yourself. We arrange orders directly with the MD, not thru the family to the MD. This system decreases medication errors, which is our utmost concern, and keeps things legal. See you next week.”
That’s not what I asked you, bitch—I just want to know “is this what you are currently giving her?”
Note to everyone with parents, grandparents, aging spouses: look into assisted living, nursing homes, home health aides, now, before you need them. We were taken unawares and had to scramble.
And as an addition to Eve’s comment-keep up your information once you have it. if they tell you that there is no waiting list, find out if that is because they just built the facility and it isn’t full yet. Don’t assume that the length of time one must wait now will be the length of time one must wait in 6 months or a year or longer.
My grandmother lives in a complex which provides all levels of care from living on one’s own to nursing home care. When she moved into her cottage there, there was no waiting list for assisted living. Now there is a 12-18 month waiting list. (Unless my information is wrong, if she needed nursing home care they would still accommodate her at once, but the in between are not as easy as my uncle was assured more than 5 years ago). She had a crisis in November, things have worked out, she has recovered, but my uncle was horrified to discover that he might need to look elsewhere for help if the crisis had become a chronic problem needing more help now.
I know you hate internet hugs, so I’ll just send you some warm wishes that your mom settles in soon, gets comfortable and starts enjoying her new surroundings.
. . . Just got a call from the assisted-living place that Mom (instead of being at the concert) is at the hospital with chest pains—the reason I’m not having hysterics is because she has acid-reflux and a hiatal hernia, so she frequently has these and (so far) her EKGs and echocardiograms show her heart is fine.
At least now, I didn’t have to rush out of my office, hop a train to Phila. and rush her to the hospital or her doctor to find out “everything’s OK.” So these places do have their up-sides . . . They said they’d call me as soon as her results come in.
Eve, I know you don’t know me, but I actually was wondering where you’d been lately. I’m glad you seem to have found a good facility, many others aren’t so lucky.
Best wishes to you and your mother.
Good luck and best wishes. We’re going through similar issues for both my wife’s mother and grandmother, but we’ve been fortunate to have some lead time. Last minute sucks. Here’s hoping that the good news starts outweighing the bad.
Crap—just called the hosp. and they said they are admitting her overnight, can’t tell me why, she has no phone yet, her cat is alone and no one can get in to feed him and I can’t get any answers from anyone and my f*cking in-box is overflowing with work I can’t even goddam look at right now . . .
Hi Eve,
No doubt, you won’t see this for a while, but I will be thinking of you and your mom. She’s lucky to have you. I hope things go better for you both.
Eve, I’m sincerely sorry you’re going through all this and that your mom is, too. I’m thinking of you.
BZZZT! Lauren Bacall.
Cool. 
OK, I am so mad right now I am shaking–and when I get mad, no grass grows there again, ever.
Her doctor wants her admitted “for observation” till Friday! She’s (rightly) in hysterics about her cat being alone with no food or water in a strange apartment . . . The whole reason we uprooted her and spent every cent of her money to put her in assisted living is so this shit wouldn’t happen!
I can see them taking her to the hosp. I’m glad they did if she was having chest pains. But her EKG and enyzymes came back fine–IT WAS INDIGESTION. Nurses at the assisted-living place will look in on her every few hours. The worst thing in the world for her heart and blood pressure (and indigestion!) is for her to be in a hospital, when she was just trying to get adjusted to her new situation!
I have a Pager Message to her doctor. An Emergency Page. I told the pager lady my message and she said, “We can’t use words like that, ma’am.” I am sitting here shaking like Katharine Hepburn I am so mad, waiting for that sonofabitch to call back so I can tell him he is checking her out of that hospital TOMORROW MORNING, if he knows what’s healthy for her AND for him.
Bastard. He doesn’t know who he’s fucking with–this ain’t my first time at the rodeo.
Do you know what that coward bastard did? When he got my pager message, he called my mother at the hospital to tell her he didn’t have time to waste calling me back.
Huge tactical error on his part.
I called his office answering machine, where tomorrow at 9:00 he will hear the most succinct one-minuite message he has ever received, explaining that he is GOING to release her from the hospital tomorrow morning, that she can be “observed” at the assisted-living home and that her cardiologist says she is FINE.
On the off chance that his answering macgine has not melted or exploded after I got through with it.
I’ll be praying for your mother and you. I hope things work out well. Do you have anyone that can feed her cat for her at all? 
Is there a lawyer you could consult, that could add weight to your words? Maybe they could speak on your behalf? Is the doctor bending laws by ignoring your wishes? Are you logging these events? Good luck. Take a bit of time to calm down, before you make your next move.
Have you gone to your physician with your stomach pains? It seems to me that they flare up with stress, might mention that to him. I myself, have IBS and have to take Zelnorm now, I had bad cramps etc. when I got stressed, and I have to avoid greasy food now too.
I’ll be joining up at the beginning of next month, probably. Not sure with some of the attitudes I’ve seen from the Powers that Be, and other posters though.
The doctor has every LEGAL right to keep her there, and if she checks herself out, insurance won’t pay.
The bastard finally called, and we Had it Out. He backed down and said he’d “see what he can do” about getting her released tomorrow. He’s never heard me in full fury before, and that 6’5" Irishman will never be the same again.
As for me, I’m gonna go wash down enough pills to fell Liza Minnelli.
Holy crap, Eve. You must be furious!
I sincerely hope this yahoo knows who he’s dealing with. You go, girl.
Be sure to hit the Irishman on the way down. Eve, that’s appalling, and I am so sorry this crap is happening.
Talked to Mom this morning, she feels fine and wants to know “why the hell am I still in the hospital?”
Talked to the doctor’s receptionist and explained that the melted lump of plastic on her desk was the answering machine, and she needs to check with the doctor to confirm that Mom is being released today. Also drafted a fax to send to him explaining that this “keeping her in for observation” or “let’s just see how she does for a few days” stops now.
[Ninotchka] “The mass trials were a grrat success. Philadelphia will have fewer but better doctors.” [/Ninotchka]
Wow. I really hope everything goes okay. You always have our support.
Best wishes.