Many years ago I was witness to a failed alien abduction. I promise you, I am not making this up. It was the early '80s, and I was around 10 years old. I was camping with my family and friends at a nearby state park, and I was sitting by the lake admiring a gorgeous moon in a completely cloudless sky. Man, what a night. Suddenly, out of the pristinely clear night sky came a beam of some sort! The thing missed me by about 12", and didn’t repeat. It hit the ground on my right side, and I fell outta my chair to the left. Wow! Man, WHAT A NIGHT!!!
The next morning I investigated the area under daylight and found a hole in the ground beside my chair. A hole that hadn’t been there the day before. Strangely, it smelled of sweet pickles. It wasn’t until years later that I realized I was almost an abductee. I mean, c’mon, the moon doesn’t just throw sweet-pickle-smelling beams of light around. There was some serious technology behind that, despite the failed attempt at collecting a weird little 10 year old boy. I assume that, while their technology is so far ahead of ours today, back then they were just catching up. That’s why their beam missed me when they tried to teleport me to the craft. Either that or they were trying to vaporize me and missed. Either way, I missed out on some serious childhood excitement. So, over 20 years later, I’ve been on a kick of recapturing memories from my youth. Visiting old places. Reading old books. Doing old things. Which brings me to this. Is there any way to actually encourage aliens to abduct me? I’d like to know just what I missed as a result of their faulty technology. Do they have a craft from that era that I might see? Also, is anyone familiar with the alien craft technology from the early 1980s? Was that just a test or did they legitimately miss? And, more importantly, why did it smell of sweet pickles? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
I find almost all of my alien abductions to be encouraging.
They usually chat me up and comment on my good looks and then slip me a fiver before putting me back.
One kind of irksome thing, though… They always put me back one day before the abduction. So that means I have to spend a whole day avoiding the past me before the abduction.
It’s worth it, though. Hey! I get a vacation, a compliment, and some dough. Cool, no?
I’ve heard they’ve lost interest in Americans - you’ve all seen too many abduction films and you’re no longer considered suitably naive subjects for their experiments.
Reliable sources tell me the current interest is in abducting men who stroll naked down British supermarket aisles.
The last time I was abducted, I specifically remember taking large doses of LSD and watching a star trek marathon… It must be a mixture of the two.
Try taking the acid, going back to the wooded area(works best if you go alone and wear different coloered socks)and watch some sort of star trek type show two hours before you go. You must be hyped up and under no circumstances should you for any reason have any doubt in your mind that you are not brain damaged…
You should definitely pretend to be British. Always wear shoes and socks along with your naked body, and shout out things like “I am the next candidate for the Tory leadership”. This will show the aliens you are British.
I haven’t been abducted myself, but I actually have a photograph of an abduction attempt. I was able to rescue the intended victim, but it was a close call.
Yes. Especially whiny, Eric Cartman impressions. Try saying “I AM NOT FAT!! I’M JUST BIG BONED!!” through your nose, and wear a lot of extra padding. Careful of those anal probes, tho…
