I saw a woman who was the clumsiest woman in the ugly forrest. It looked like she fell into/off of/around/etc every tree in the forrest. To make it even better before I got a good look I told DC this and we laughed to ourselves. Then after I got a clear view of her I saw that she was wearing a cast on her arm which was all the proof I needed to be sure that she was the clumsiest woman in the ugly forrest.
I personally found her quite ugly but couldn’t quite point out what was wrong with her (that she could change) other than her 1)hairstyle 2) her nasty conservative clothes (if she wore a lace collar and an Amish bonnet she looked less conservative 3) Hi Opal 4) Bad makeup (blue eyeshadow and bright red lipstick may have been in style in 1972 but now a more natural look is preferred) and 5) her bad hair (needs mention twice since it was exceptionally bad.
Let’s start with her hairstyle. It looked like she originally had straight hair and went through a series of bad perms and dye jobs eventually attempting to go back to the original look. Her hair seemed to be made of very brittle yet knotty straw. My younger sisters once bought a home hair perm kit and expiremented with it (my younger sister (11 at the time) tried to perm my youngest sisters (8 at the time)hair) to hilarious effect (almost like Farrah Fawcett’s feathered look which I find so funny). This woman’s hair was even worse than the 11 year old perming the 8 year olds hair. If you can imagine my youngest sister crying because it looked so bad before it set and trying to wash it out and only being able to wash out one side since she didn’t think to jump in the shower and then having the one side that didn’t wash out set while the other side was still straight then you can imagine that since this woman’s hair was significantly worse what type of mess it was. At least my little sister’s hair didn’t turn her into the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz.
Her clothes were just as nasty even though they were clean but mostly because they were so conservative. She looked to be in her mid-twenties and by her clothes at least moderately well-to-do but her fashion sense left there. I know I personally don’t like to wear clothes that match because that is a conformity to modern style and slavery that I feel submitting myself to harms. (I still match for work.) Anyway, I see her with 1980’s conservative fashion looking like she is going to go out on the town (this is 9ish in the morning). The clothes were all dark and were the absolute worst complement to her skin tone and body. This woman would have done better to have taken clothing advice from me which at least closer match and complement my colouring even if they don’t necessarily match eachother. (I like to wear plaids on plaids and plaids on prints because I am just cool that way.)
Hi Opal.
Now we get to go to her makeup. As I said earlier blue eyeshadow is out. It makes one’s eyes look like they are bruised in a bad way. She also wore bright red lipstick which normally one does not think of as a conservative colour but it only seemed to accent the fact that everything else about her looked like it was a stamp from the Fascist Regime ™. She was exceedingly pale which I could tell from her arms and neck up to her chin where her makeup line showed which was even accented more by the fact that she wore all dark clothes and had this bright babboon butt looking face. She wore a base that was way too dark for a pale human which made it look more like she was having a heart attack since it was such a stark contrast to her pale arms and neck. Then she had a medium rouge blush on which though not as bright as Tammy Faye’s (in the heighth of her and her husbands televangelical carreer) and more moderate than the rest of her makeup just went to accent her clownosity (I like that new word). How anyone could think dressing up like a conservative clown is pretty is beyond me.
Now everyone can point and laugh at the unintentional clown with her bozoesque hair and makeup. Mwuhahahah. Mwuhahahaha. Mwuhahahaha. I guess she may have been doing Tammy Faye drag since she often wore some really conservative 700 Club type of clothes which is unfortunate since she appeared so young. I think that if she ever kissed or gave someone a blowjob that you would be able to tell who she was making out with because they would have a distinctive imprint of a clown’s face wherever her face touched the other person/animal. I only say animal because if one’s face looks like a babboon’s butt then there must be some serious cross-special thing going on.
Well, it wasn’t today, but about two weeks ago, on my drive home, I witnessed a woman sucking a dildo in her car. I almost drove off the road I was laughing so hard.
I saw two heavy-set women seated on the West Side IRT, who chatted pleasantly together all the way from Brooklyn Heights to Times Square, and decided for the thousandth time that people whose asses take up two seats on the subway should be required to pay a double fare.
I also had to crunch into an uptown local for the ride between 42nd Street and 50th Street between two large husky men, and wondered for the thousandth time why, when trains are that crowded, I never get to jam up against a couple of dewy, curvy, perfumed ingenues.
Theres this woman; she looks to be in her sixites.
From far away she looks nice. A nice thin shape, long curly red hair.
But when you get close, she really looks in her sixties, she wears lots of black eyeliner, lots of neon blue eyeshadow above and under her eyes, maroon red lipstick, and of course, two nose rings. And I dont think she has her teeth in most of the time.
my morning commute entails going home from work, which is odd enough… But the crowd of young girls waiting outside the office for the Moffats is funny enough. They’ve been screaming since 2 am…
Well, actually, I was in the interesting thing this morning. Our bus got pulled over.
Apparently it was because one of the signs (one of those ‘Othello’ type jobs that have disks, green on one side and black on the other; they flip around and form words that way) had “Emergency Call 911” displayed and someone phoned it in. Passengers were commenting that they’d pointed it out to the driver but she either couldn’t or didn’t change it.
So it was kinda weird to hear a siren out the window next to me and a cop holler “Pull the bus over!”
Sqrl, you are entertaining the #@% out of me lately.
Are you sure you weren’t my date to DipBall at Georgetown, 1996? I went with a cute gay guy, we went up to the balcony and did fashion commentary on everyone. “Look, another little black dress! Oooh, holy Walking Bottle of Pepto Bismol! (about this girl in pepto-pink) Does she apply her makeup with a spoon”
It’s not like I’m such a great dresser that I can get credibility as “the fashion police” but it always cracks me up when someone has tried hard to achieve a really bad look.
Anyway, to end the hijack, I saw a girl apply her makeup on the eL today - full on cover-up, base, eyeliner, blush, mascara, and creepiest of all, eyebrow pencil - all in public on a moving subway train. She definitely looked better without all the face-lard, but I had to admire her skill and composure.
Can I cheat and offer something else, not on my commute?
Spouse and I were on our way to Evanston and while we were in Chicago my husband said "Wow, is that guy ever ugly. " Then he began coaxing me to take a look at the next car over. I always try to be nonchalant about such things to make up for my pop-eyed, no-subtlety better half, but before I can slide my eyes over in a casual fashion, my husband says “Oh god, it’s TWINS!” sure enough, it wasn’t just an ugly guy, it was an identically ugly guy in the passenger side next to him.
It was sorta creepy. I even spared my husband the “judging people on appearances” lecture because it was just so damned funny to see TWO of them sitting there in that old beater.
I kind of doubt that I was your date to your Georgetown function, Magdelene as I would have only been four at the time. Well not really, but I would have still been in college back in Texas at the time. I am happy that at least one person has been finding me entertaining lately.
I always look at people in other vehicles when I pass them on the highway… just out of curiosity. Well, I passed a car this morning on the highway and the girl was picking her nose! Not a little pick either, she was up to the second knuckle just digging away. I think she was lip-syncing at the same time because I noticed her mouth was moving. Either singing or eating what she picked. Ewwww!
vanilla, have you ever seen those two women who ride the 22 bus down Clifton? They both appear to be in their sixties, and they wear full-length fur coats 365 days a year. They have the most god-awful old-woman makeup jobs. They also are either cancer victims, alopecia sufferers or crossdressers, because they have the most fake-looking wigs I have ever seen. I suspect that “cancer victims” is our winner, because as soon as they get off the bus, they both light up.
This morning, I saw the woman in the car in front of me applying mascara. It’s not all that unusual a thing to see someone do during a morning commute, unfortunately, but as I pulled up beside her at the next light, I saw that she had moved on to CURLING HER EYELASHES.
I don’t know how she merged with freeway traffic while applying an eyelash curler; I got out of her immediate trajectory as soon as I could. It made me feel downright friendly to all those oblivious cell-phone users on the road.
I don’t know if someone that gets cancer from smoking can really be called a victim…
Ya know, in my mind when you stick your dick in the cigar guillotine you got whats coming to you. I don’t think anyone’s gonna call you the guillotine victim!
So when you smoke…its just a matter of getting whats coming to you! But you’re not a victim…at least not in mind.
This morning, the powers-that-be decided to conduct ID check at the gates to NAS Jax… The traffic was backed up into the next county. It wasn’t so much interesting as annoying. The thing that DID strike me, tho, was how some people couldn’t seem to figure out what was going on before they got to the guard shack. Are they not paying attention to the news? Don’t they know that all bases in the world are on heightened alert? Your tax dollars at work… <sigh>
A few days ago, I saw where a UP freight train had hit an 18-wheeler. The wreckers were just getting started pulling the truck out from under the train when I drove by.
