This cracked me up:
The message would have gotten across except he was out of his plan coverage area.
Doesn’t it sound odd, if he was just planning on yelling at them, that he would bring safety glasses to protect his eyes when he tears the place up?
:dubious:
Maybe he has a job wrangling Spitting Cobras, and the safety glasses just happened to be in his bag. 
"Can you hear me NOW, motherf*cker?
Damn, Etherman beat me to it.
“I’m a raving ding-dong with impulse control issues”?
My favorite bit in the linked story is that the nearby stores in the mall lowered their metal security gates during the guy’s rampage.
“Hey Jim, somebody’s goin’ postal in the cellular shop again. Can you get the gate?”