Appropriate behavior, or not?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I referred to this situation in a Pit thread - but decided to formally ask for opinions, as I just spoke with my wife and it appears as tho feelings are still upset.

Had my sisters and their families over yesterday. I have 3 sisters, and between us we have a total of 14 kids from 2d grade to college soph.

During one conversation, one of my sisters commented how her HS fresh daughter and her friends amused themselves by going downtown with a videocamera, asking nonsensical questions of strangers, and filming their responses/reactions. My sister said they were doing nothing wrong. I believe her exact words were that the kids were not hurting anybody.

I said the kid was being rude, using other people for her own enjoyment. I also said that being rude IS wrong, and that I would discourage such behavior.

My 2 other sisters and my wife agreed. The original sister vehemently disagreed. She kept saying something like, “Do I approve of it? No. Will I forbid her from doing it? No.” Her husband, normally a really mellow guy, totally agreed with his wife, and appeared somewhat upset at the discussion. He kept saying, “I don’t know why we are making such a big thing out of this.”

Fast forward to today. One of my sisters is in from out of town, and folk were going to discuss doing something together. I guess the word is that the one sister is still quite pissed about last night’s “discussion.”

(Just to make things more interesting, they are hosting a party Sat nite! Should be fun!)

Wondered if any of you would offer your opinions on my niece’s activity?

I stand by my original words. If I heard of my kid doing that, I’d tell them that was rude and disrespectful behavior, and that I did not want to hear of them doing that again.

2

I agree that it is rude, annoying, and wrong. I, for one, would not appreciate being approached by a stanger and asked a nonsencical question intended to prove just how “intelligent” and “clever” and “funny” he or she is. If I’m in a mall or downtown, I am there for a reason, and the chances are almost 100% that the reason is NOT to be irritated by smartass kids. If I found out that my kid ever did something like that, it would be a while before he had access to a video camera, the downtown, his friends, and any of the other things that mature, responsible teens take for granted.

3

Well it is not really rude… they are just having fun…

As long as they are doing it in a safe enviornment then it is not a big deal… kids like to have fun… at least they are being somewhat creative… and it probably provides hours and hours of drug, and sex free entertainment… that is always a good thing…

Jay Leno even does a skit like this… his questions are normal… but the people he asks are always really dumb… so he tries to make an ass out of them…

It is not what you would want your child doing… I understand that… but I would much rather have my daughter doing that then what I was doing when I was in high school…

4

I think it’s rude. Other people don’t exist for your amusement.

5

I think the teen’s behavior was a bit rude.

Having said that…I try not to comment on the way people parent, as oftentimes it starts a fight.

I dunno, as I was not there, but maybe your sister felt ‘ganged up’ on because everyone (except her hubby) agreed it was rude. Maybe it reminded her of being a kid or something, you know how weird family stuff can be.

My free advice (and I don’t have kids. I am a kid) is that when you see your sister on Saturday tell her you love her, and you’re sorry about any feelings hurt on Christmas.

Good luck. :slight_smile:

6

I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s harmless fun. Sure, some people will be irritated by it, but others will just laugh it off. I know it wouldn’t bother me - I’d be amused. I’d also be glad that these kids were at least attempting to do something creative even if, from an adult’s perspective, it isn’t all that clever or even all that amusing.

7

It’s rude to videotape other people without their consent, especially for the purpose of laughing at them later and making yourself feel all smart.

It’s also rude to criticize other people’s childrearing techniques. So I would call it a draw.

8

I guess it might be too late for some - but it might be interesting if folk would add in their ages. I’m 42.

9

I’m under thirty…but it is closing in quickly.

10

So, apparently, something is only rude these days if it physically harms someone.

I’m in my mid-30s.

11

I’m another person who considers the behaviour rude. I’ve got a couple of questions.

First, at what point does “using other people for her own enjoyment” become making fun of people? While Dinsdale[ didn’t say so in the OP, I got the impression his neice and her friends were laughing at the people they caught on tape. Having had a rough time because of people making fun of me in high school, to put it mildly, I’m not sure where the line is, and I’m afraid I cannot consider making fun of people “harmless fun.” I know too many people who were harmed by it.

Second, why would your sister not forbid her daughter doing something she doesn’t approve of? I’m childless and old-fashioned, and I realize things have changed, but aren’t parents supposed to set limits on their children? I can see letting a teenager do something their parents disapproved of if they could offer a very strong, compelling, reason, but not just because “it’s fun.”

Anyway, Dinsdale, good luck on Saturday. I just hope your family decides to let the things you share outweigh the disagreements. Good luck, and gritted teeth,
CJ

12

i think it’s rude, personally… and with today’s volatile society, you never know what could happen when the kid comes across the wrong person at the wrong time… to me, there are other things to do to occupy the time than pushing the envelope in this manner… oh, i’m in the early 30’s category

13

I think much depends on how the taping was done. Did the kids ask permission from the strangers to videotape them? If they asked in a genial manner and the person agreed, and if the question itself was not rude, then I don’t see any problem with it. Remember Alan Funt and “Candid Camera”? I don’t remember any big outcry against that.

So if it was all done in a “spirit of fun” and the stranger was not insulted, then what could be wrong with it?

14

It depends on their behavior during filming, I suspect - perhaps on some other message board somewhere, posts like “Some drunk chicks got hold of a video camera this Christmas, and were asking incomprehensible questions” are popping up. If the girls weren’t pointing their fingers at the film-ees in person and laughing their heads off (or broadcasting it later on, on national TV), then the rudeness level drops considerably. I still consider it somewhat rude to stick a camera in someone’s face and surprise them with an impromptu interview, regardless of whether one is a professional or not.

I’m not certain I would have shared my opinion, however.

My mother disapproved of my reading of books on the occult and the paranormal when I was a kid, but allowed me to do so after discussing with me why I was reading them. At first I was interested in the books, but I developed a strong skepticism in the end as a result of that and reading debunking books as well.

Early 30s, here.

15

Yeah. Being approached by two girls with a video camera turned off and having them ask, “May we ask you some questions?” and proceed in a goofy but polite manner is completely different from being ambushed with the camera already on and having questions shoved at you before you’ve had a chance to consent or get your bearings. Either the OP left out critical info, or the OP’s sister did.

Bear in mind that this is from a guy who thinks hidden-camera shows should be illegal, or at least subject to the same ethical review boards that medical & psychological experiments are subject to.

16

Like ratatoskK, I feel like I’d have to know exactly what was going on before making a judgment on it, but overall it depends largely on intent.

Are you singing at the top of your lungs in the shower because “Carry On Wayward Son” is on the radio and you LOVE that song? Or are you doing it to piss off your neighbor because you think it’s funny when he runs out of the house in his underwear to yell at you? If it’s (a), carry on . . . if it’s (b), you need to be spanked.

Similarly, what I think about the activities of your sister’s kid would depend largely on her intent. For the record, though, I disagree with the whole “she could be doing worse things” argument. If she is in fact being rude and/or disrepectful towards people, then she deserved to be disciplined, even if she’s not on crack.

17

I think you’re overreacting. Did the kids berate people, chase them down the street shouting nonesense at them? Or did they just ask a question to see the confused expression it prompted?

Kids do things like this. I wouldn’t let it create a “family conflict.” By the way, I am a wise 41 years old.

18

I agree that consent makes a big difference where a videotape is concerned. If they were just saying silly things in order to see a confused reaction, I might brush it off, but they’re recording it. I’d consider it an imposition and an invasion of my personal privacy to have someone barge up to me acting stupid and videotaping me without my permission, even if we are in a public space. But if some kids came up and asked me to be part of their video, I’d probably agree and play along with the fun, since I also think it’s good to see kids doing outgoing, creative stuff instead of sitting around smoking dope.

The other thing that would make a big difference is the nature of the questions and the perceived purpose. There’s nothing intrinsically rude about mutually enjoyable nonsense, and I don’t expect visionary filmmaking from 14 year olds. But if their idea of fun is simply to make other people look stupid or hurt or embarrassed, then it might be a good idea to hold onto the camera till they’ve matured a bit.

Oh, and I’m in my late forties.

19

cj - she was trying to draw some distinction I couldn’t understand. Sort of like, “I wouldn’t recommend it, but neither would I forbid it.” As I said, I was not entirely clear on her meaning, and can imagine it is even more opaque when I cannot offer a specific quote.

Also, the sole example of a question was along the lines of, “What picture would you have on your electric toothbrush?” Again - no specific quote. I asked what that meant - what type of respone they wanted, and the girl (and her dad) responded simply “It is just a silly question.”

Sorry I don’t know more specifics about how the kids asked the questions or handled the camera. This girl and her friends strike me as very cheerful, outgoing, and confident. They also are attractive and fit (on basketball teams and such) and tend towards heavy make-up and more revealing clothes than my tastes.

*aside - This particular sister has always been a judgmental sort. Very opinionated. And what is wierd is when she seems to be so judgmental of others, but turns a blind eye to her own ids’ behavior. Don’t get me wrong - her kids are good kids. But not significantly better or worse than any of their cousins. She is periodically pissed as various of her siblings. Her general disapproval of me and my family seems due to the fact that we are godless heathens. So this is no huge deal as far as family dynamics are concerned. I’ll let it drop. She’ll stew on it for a while, and it will never get mentioned again.[/aside]

Back to the OP, I wasn’t all that interested in a discussion of whether I should have said anything to my sister in this instance. I was manly interested in how you would react if your kid came home and said this is what they did for fun to pass the time of day.

I guess a case could be made that our society would be better if we were open to the possibility of more spontaneity and unconventional behavior in our daily lives. And I guess one might contend that these kids might learn something about human nature from the responses they receive.

But I did not get the impression that these kids intended any such beneficial or insightful results. Instead, they considered this a harmless was to spend time goofing around.

I tend to think it is a pretty good idea to not to initiate interact with someone unnecessarily unless you have reason to believe the other person will benefit from it. Or at least feel rather certain that they will not be inconvenienced - however mildly - by it. For example, pay someone a compliment. Tell them their shoe is untied or shirt collar is up. Or ask the time or for directions.

But this type of behavior seems to me very one-sided. Maybe some people will welcome the interaction with these kids. And feel their day was enriched as a result of this silliness. But I suspect far more would consider it an undesirable intrusion. However they approached things, I must say that if I am out running errands or shopping or attending to my own business, far more often than not I would prefer not to be approached by someone asking to videotape me. Perhaps that makes me antisocial.

And I think some folk are setting up a false dichotomy, in suggesting that the alternative to such behavior by teenagers is drug use or sex.

And as far as “it isn’t that big of a deal” goes, pretty much most of parenting is made up on things that by themselves are not that big of a deal. But I feel a parent ought to guide and instruct their kids concerning them nonetheless.

20

I’m 31; I agree with those who say that it depends on the method of how it’s done. If the kids are doing ambush-style guerilla humiliation, I’d say that’s something to be discouraged. But if they’re asking beforehand and being polite about it, I have no problem with it. Heck, they’d probably cheer up a few folks who’d catch on and decide to get with it.

Incidentally, someone asked about showing people on TV; everyone whose face is shown on TV (on “COPS,” &c.) has to sign a waiver allowing their footage to be used. NPR had an interesting (and hilarious) feature on it which you can listen to here: