Appropriateness of teen-aged bartender?

In My Humble Opinion
1

What are your thoughts about having a child under the legal drinking age act as a bartender during a party in your home?

We are having a cocktail party on Valentine’s Day. Approximately 35 folk have RSVPed. In addition to beer and wine, we intend to serve chocolate martinis and cosmopolitans (yes, this gin-ista considers both abhorrent, but I caved to pressure.) We bought a bunch of cheap martini glasses to which we attached guests’ names, which will function as both party favors and name tags. We bought and borrowed cocktail shakers, and intend to make up pitchers of the drinks ahead of time, and shake them up as requested.

But I’m not sure how to really go about it.

I’m not sure my wife and I want to be constantly on call as bartenders – needing to be contacted every time someone wants a refill. Could see that being a hassle for both us and our guests. Nor do we want to shake up and distribute drinks on any schedule that may be different from our guests’ individual preferences.

I know we could hire a bartender, but we never have done so in the past, and we would rather not do so on this occasion.

This morning we thought of our 14-year-old son. I think he would do a great job of working as a bartender, and would get a kick out of doing it (especially if the $ was right!). As you may recall from my previous posts, he’s the kind of kid who has long done better with most adults than he does with most kids. I am very confident that none of my kids drink, fuck, smoke, or do drugs. (If they do, they sure hide it well!) On the other hand, my wife and I certainly see no reason to hide our belief that responsible drinking in moderation can be positive in so many respects.

So what do you think? How weird/inappropriate would it be to have a teenage kid serving drinks at a household party.

(I don’t know whether it is illegal or not, and I’m not sure I really care. Same way I know it is probably illegal for me to let my kid try a sip of my wine, but that isn’t going to dictate my behavior.)

2

I think it would be exceedingly weird, to be honest. It might not be such a big deal if the kid was older, but a kid who’s barely even a teenager tending bar would probably put me off my alcohol. (And yes, tending bar at a social function is different from asking the kid to go fetch a couple of beers when someone drops in. I can’t quite verbalize how it’s different, but it’s very much so.)

Keep in mind that some guests may think it’s not just weird, but bordering on abuse or neglect. Trust me, people have called social services for less, and I don’t think you really want that hassle.

Spring fifty or a hundred bucks and rent a college student for the night.

3

I, personally, would be a little weirded out by having such a young kid tend bar. I wouldn’t think it was wrong, it would just cause me to feel a little uncomfortable and I’d probably be reluctant to drink as much as I would have normally. I’d be too aware of the fact that I should set a good example to relax as much as I might at an adults-only party.

But, I’m also child-free and have a group of generally child-free friends (ranging from their mid-twenties to mid-forties). Maybe parents are more relaxed around kids. Plus, my parents didn’t drink in front of us so that probably also colors my opinion.

4

Doesn’t sound like a big deal to me. As long as your kid knows how to act reasonably in the position, it shouldn’t be a problem. Most of the guests have probably seen him before and would get a kick out of it.

IANAL, but I would guess that this would begin to break liquor laws either if you paid him or if he was selling the booze (which is clearly illegal). As for child abuse? Well, as long as your friends aren’t hysterical idiots you should be fine.

If the tables were turned, I would probably have my son do it (not that I have a son), and I can imagine my parents having me do it, too. But it’s probably against the law.

5

I have to chime in here–probably not a good idea. Not necessarily a bad thing, mind you, but as CrazyCatLady pointed out, there are some people who would find that grounds for calling in CPS and/or the cops (not that your guests are among those who would).

6

Dinsdale, I wouldn’t have a problem with it to tell you the truth. In fact, my parents had my brother and I serving drinks to their friends during similar situations when I was growing up - we poured wine, ran for refills - in the situation you’re describing, I can’t personally - remember that word - possibly see how it would be a problem.

Having said that, however, CrazyCatLady has a very very good point - these days, social services have been called by people for less - you could be setting yourself up for a real mess.

7

I find underage bartenders to be very inappropriate but I’m not exactly sure why. I’m only 25, so I’m not that far past drinking age myself.

I was at a family function last year and there was an 18 year old kid serving drinks for the family. We made our own drinks because we were uncomfortable with him serving us.

Not only do I feel that it’s unfair to the kid (unless you’re paying him well for his time) to have to sit at a party full of adults serving drinks in which he cannot partake, part of any bartender’s responsibility is to decide when the person he is serving has had enough. Most 14 year olds are not capable of knowing when nor willing to cut off an adult. Most adults can handle themselves, but alcohol can get out of hand very quickly.

I agree with CrazyCatLady, hire a college student for the night… they need the money. :slight_smile:

8

If I were a guest and did not know your child, I would be a little apprehensive at the start until I see how he conducts himself.

If the child were neatly-groomed, dressed professionally, well-behaved, knowledgeable about drinks (considering you’ve pre-mixed everything, I mean knowing which pitcher has what drink) and was friendly and polite, I’d be delighted to be a guest at that house party and he’d earn some good tips from me.

9

Thanks for the responses. Please keep them coming. I am still uncertain about this, so I appreciate all views.

One thing that is tough for you is that you don’t know us, our kid, or the guests. I think every one of our guests knows all of our kids. Some very well, others less so. Some have independent relationships with my kids - buying them magazine subscriptions, e-mailing them, taking them to the movies, etc. My kids have always been welcome to participate in most “adult” conversations, tho they are not generally allowed to dictate or dominate such conversations. And on occasion, we will tell our kids to make themselves scarce.

Also, as I indicated, while I hope my wife and I aren’t drunks, alcohol is not exactly a stranger to our home. I can imagine my kid would really get into the “role.” I can imagine him assuming some Cagney-esque kind of persona, and providing some real entertainment for at least some of the guests. The question is whether this will be outweighed by any discomfort he causes other guests.

As a host, my main concern is for my guests to be comfortable. I’ll have to look thru the invite list closely. I don’t THINK anyone would throw a shitfit upon seeing my son pour a drink, open a beer, etc.

And the issue of moderating consumption kinda cuts both ways. As a host, I want folks to have a good time, but I do not want to overserve anyone. We made a point of not inviting our few guests who seem to have a history of overimbibing.

I brought this up to my best buddy at work. He has known my kids for years. He also rarely drinks. A devout churchgoing methodist and staunch Republican. I told him all about the party, said I wasn’t sure how to serve the cocktails, and concluded by asking whether it would be wierd to have my son bartend. His immediate response was "That is exactly what I was going to suggest."

My youngest has offered to be the coatcheck girl.

I guess all we need to do is get my oldest a pair of fishnet stockings and a cigarette tray…

Seriously, keep the thoughts coming.

10

I wouldn’t have a problem with it, and I think it’s silly that some people would. But then, I was drinking at that age, and my parents knew about it, so I guess that leads to a different point of view on these things!

As an alternative, make the bar a self-serve one. Print up cards indicating how to make each drink you’re offering, and set them next to the appropriate bottles and shakers. That way guests can serve themselves at will, and you’d only have to occasionally have to pop over and check that nothing’s run out.

If your kids are going to be there anyways, consider having them on clean-up duty (picking up and washing used glasses) or checking the ice bucket, or opening a new bottle to set out on the bar, that sort of thing. Just don’t let them pour and serve. Provide the ingredients necessary to make non-alcoholic drinks for your kids, such as shirley temples. That way they can self-serve themselves too!

Sounds like an interesting party! Have fun!

11

Oh yeah - I should add that to me, the idea of having a stranger/hired help in my house, would be stranger than having a kid pour drinks. But that’s just me.

Further, how exactly would you go about “hiring a college kid.” If we had one living next door, I could imagine it, but we don’t. My wife teaches at a community college, but I’m not sure if her students are of age, and I don’t know if it would be appropriate for her to hire current students.

Hiring someone through a service is a little more “professional” than any entertaining I have ever done before. A slight change of mood, as well as an expense. I don’t know.

12

My opinions as a 14 year old,

I’ve helped served alchohal and mix drinks for parties my parents sometimes have, they never liked organizing big, formal get-togethers and so neither do I really like them. I was never really a ‘formal’ bartender, but one of my dad’s friends showed me how to make a … something with orange juice and vodka, can’t remember the name, so I made them for everyone else.

Honestly, I’d be more weirded out by the people who would be uncomfortable with a kid serving them / mixing their drinks.

Let your kid do it, it’ll give him a sense of pride if he mixes the drinks and people like it.

13

I see nothing wrong with it. I would be VERY surprised if it was illegal. He’s under your supervision, in your home, and it’s not like you’ve got him breaking up keys of chronic or cutting crank or anything. This is all on the assumption your KID doesn’t get weirded out about it. If he felt uncomfortable, I wouldn’t force the issue.

Look at it this way…you will be able to mingle much more, your kid can tip you off if he thinks someone is getting shit-faced, and everyone will have a great time. You said your kid is at ease around the geezer set, so why not?

14

I don’t think it’s a big deal on the surface. However two things to think about: 1) Are you going to allow tipping? That may not go over well with some of the guests (but your friends sound pretty cool, so I doubt that would be the case; and B) What if, God forbid, something happened to one of the guests after leaving the party? You are putting a lot of responsibility on your son’s shoulders.

The second is obviously a slightly paranoid look at it, but I just want to encourage you to keep looking at it through all angles.

15

It also may depend on your location. As a former 12 year old growing up in rural wisconsin, it was expected of me to know how to mix an old fashioned for my parent’s guests. And that’s a whole lot more involved than pouring from a pitcher and shaking. It’s (or at least it was) also legal to bartend at 18 there (although bars hardly ever hired anybody young enough to be friends with the people they should be carding and kicking out), so I don’t think that there’s a single line for “old enough to serve drinks” and “old enough to drink”.

The only problem I can see is that it would be fairly easy for him, as the bartender, to sneak some for himself (in the aformentioned rural wisconsin, it would almost be assumed). If you don’t think that that’s will be a problem, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. Of course, people in your area may have a different world view.

-lv

16

I’ve actually been to more than one 21st birthday party where the hosts have recruited younger siblings (< 18 years) to serve as bartenders. Attitudes towards alcohol consumption are of course different here, but I can’t see anything wrong with the idea. On the contrary, I think it will be kinda cute to have your kids dressed up and helping out with mum and dad’s party.

Ryle Dup: orange juice and vodka mixed makes a screwdriver.

All the best with your party, Dinsdale.

17

I don’t see any problem with it at all, but then again I was once at an 18th where the barman was the host’s 10 year old brother. He was pretty damn good, and looked so adorable in his little tux, shaking up drinks.

18

I think that you should let him, kids love to be given a job that gives them a sense of responsibilty and makes them feel grown up. I actually blame youngsters irresponsible attitude to booze on the way people keep their kids away from alcohol fanatically. The only thing that concerns me is your guests perception of it, your age limit is 21 so he is 7 years underage so is that like getting an 11 year old to serve over here?

19

Americans are weird. No offense. I’m just surprised that anyone would find this “disturbing”. He’s mixing drinks, not pimping his sisters.

Does it bother you to buy cigarettes from a 16-year old gas station attendant?

And is it any different than sending your kid to grab you a beer?

20

Well, it wouldn’t bother me. I allow my own 17 year old to drink at home with us, though. Many people are a lot more fanatical about this than I am. If the guests will all be close friends who know the kids I should think it will be fine.