Or maybe stop dating strangers that think you’re a woman.
Yes they are. They are saying that they can be forgiven for their dishonesty because honesty puts their life at risk. That is literally one of maybe 4 arguments being made for why dishonesty is OK in this case.
Well, how about “she doesn’t want a second date with you”.
I think you are grossly over-estimating the odds that a random first date with a stranger from a dating site will actually develop into an intimate relationship. Most don’t. At least, according to my friends who use those sites.
No matter how many times you say it, it’s not dishonest. Saying that you’re a woman when it’s true that you’re a woman is not dishonest.
No, I’m agreeing with you that the safest course of action would be to not go home with guys they met in a bar.
Over 80% of people distinguish between women/men and transwomen/transmen enough to say they would not date a trans person. I assume most trans folks realize this. If you date someone that almost certainly thinks you are a natural born woman instead of a transwoman and you let them think that then you are dating them under false pretenses, aren’t you?
And I think you are grossly over-estimating the amount of times I said that a random first date with a stranger from a dating site will actually develop into an intimate relationship. Since I count “zero” as the number of times I’ve said that.
50 years ago, 80% of white men might have been aghast at the possibility of dating a woman with some black ancestry that she didn’t reveal. That doesn’t mean that she was a liar if she didn’t tell him before the date that she was part black, or dating him under false pretenses.
There are many similar circumstances. Lots of men would probably prefer not to date a woman who is HIV positive. That doesn’t mean that HIV positive women are morally required to share their status before dates (they are morally required to share their status before sex, though). There’s still a stigma, and there can still be risk, to revealing one’s HIV status. A woman who goes on a first date with a man without revealing her HIV status is not being dishonest.
Some more similar circumstances:
Very large financial debts
Being a former sex worker
Bisexuality
Having been to prison before
Have some tattoos one regrets
Being a member of some oft-mocked sub-culture (say, anime fans, or furries, or cosplay, or similar)
Secretly being royalty (say, the son of ruling king and visiting America to find your future queen) and wanting to make sure they love you for who you are rather than your wealth and status
Not telling a date all details about yourself before the date is not being dishonest.
I saw a documentary about a case like this. Some prince was coming to America. And the woman was certainly pissed off that he lied to her.
Are you saying that she was wrong for being mad?
No, her being angry made the surprise ending, in which she appears at the wedding, far more satisfying. Two thumbs up!
A large majority of people know that they will never be “at least somewhat” into a romantic relationship with a transgender person. So there is no “to begin with”.
The dishonest part, to the extent that there is a part, is the pretense that being transgender isn’t an absolute deal-breaker. And then going out with someone as if there was any chance of a relationship, when there isn’t any such chance. Why do the transgender people want to waste the time and take the risk? They don’t improve their chances of finding someone if they don’t make it clear up front, and they do increase their chances of betting beat up, or worse.
Regards,
Shodan
Sure, because he was a rich Prince.
If he just turned out to be a poor, married guy, I doubt she would have gone through with it.
Besides, you didn’t answer the question. Do you feel her anger was justified?
According to what I’ve heard from trans people, making it clear “up front” to someone who amounts to a stranger carries a risk of its own, and based on some of their experiences, that risk can be greater than waiting to make sure they trust their new acquaintance (and not engaging in any intimate activities with them before revealing their trans status).
The answer we have heard so far has basically been to increase their dating pool. After all we are talking about transwomen dating total strangers and not telling them you are transgender. Total strangers.
It may be that the pool of people who are affirmatively willing to date transwomen are frequently fetishists, bucket listers, sexual explorers, etc. And frankly, who wants to be object of a fetish in a long term relationship.
Perhaps they hope beyond hope that the nice guy that they have been going out with for the last few weeks will be able to look past the transgender status and remember how they connect and how they feel about each other. They are hoping that the 80%+ people who have an aversion to dating transgender are really only expressing fear of the unknown rather than a more fundamental aversion to dating someone who was born a man.
I hope they can find happiness even if it isn’t a June and Ward Cleaver brand of happiness.
That was a joke, not a serious example. I figured my reply made it clear. If you really want to discuss the movie, I’d be happy to in a CS thread.
No, it was not clear. Easy for you to clear up though: Do you feel her anger was justified?
Sorry, but I’m worried that continuing to talk about a movie that I mentioned entirely as a joke would be a hijack. Apologies for bringing it up in the first place, just trying to lighten the mood. I don’t actually think that that fictional example was relevant at all, it was just a little joke.
And that’s what I thought you’d say. Thanks for fulfilling my expectations.
You’re very welcome. Hopefully my joke made you laugh a little bit in these difficult times.
I laugh every day! 