Leaving aside the desperation of a segment of the transgender community for ANY sort of relationship…
Because a non-zero number of people with a kneejerk reaction of “no way!” to the idea of a transgender date, with an image of a stereotype of a “man in a dress” in the media, might change their minds if they spend time with and get to know a post-op transwoman who can pass.
If transwomen don’t take chances most of them will never have a relationship that most of the rest of the world takes for granted. Why does anyone take a risk? Because the perceived potential pay-off with success seems worth the risk.
Transgender people need to decide which is the greater risk - putting “I’m transgender” in their dating profile, or going on dates with people who don’t know they are transgender and might, unjustifiably, react badly. As well as wasting time dating people with whom there is absolutely no possibility of a romantic relationship.
But if you’re choices are between self-imposed isolation and the next best thing to solitary confinement and going out in the world in hopes of human contact albeit with a risk of violence… a surprisingly high number of people in general (not just transgender) will choose the latter option.
I’m sure transgender people try to asses the risk of coming out to people they encounter. Sometimes they get it wrong. Sometimes they get it right.
Which goes back to iiiandyiiii’s list of potential turnoffs and/or hot topics, including those relating to race, religion, sexual interest/fetishes, medical and criminal records, (other) body modifications and so forth.
It used to be that the whole point of the first date was to find out whether the two people involved were compatible.
Right, and transgender people who are dating have been making this choice, and continue to, based on their own experiences and inclinations.
This one applies to literally everyone who has ever dated, whether online or otherwise. This is always a possibility, or more likely a certainty (I went on dates with many, many decent but still no-possibility-of-a-romantic-relationship folks before I met my wife). I’m sure many of them thought the same of me, and probably wished that I had stated whatever no-go characteristic about myself that was unacceptable on my profile so that they wouldn’t have wasted their time.
Yes, there are some people that feel differently. Maybe one day, science will come up with a way for those people to identify themselves in dating profiles so transgender people would know who is open to it.
Chance of a relationship with any random non-smoking man: low. There could be all kinds of disqualifying circumstances or deal-breaker.
Chance of a romantic relationship with any random man who smokes: zero. There is always a deal-breaker, by definition.
Is a smoker dishonest if he doesn’t say that on his profile? (Assume he want explicitly asked.) What if he doesn’t smoke before dates, and “passes” as a non-smoker?
If someone is explicitly asked “are you X”, and they say " I am not X" when they are, I think that’s dishonest. I relevant comparison is “what if no one asked?”
I don’t know what percentage of non-smokers won’t date smokers, but I bet it’s high. (And if I were on a dating site, my profile would say “non-smoker. Of course, it would probably also say “seeking non-smoker”, but hey…”)
No. That’s among the reasons I don’t think trans people should be required to answer that question before they get a chance to meet a person, such as during a coffee date in a public place.
