Or is it just me? I live in DC, and have lived on the east coast my whole life. I remember when I was in Europe 18 years ago there seemed to be a much more significant culture of tolerance - but then again there were very strong reminders of a class system, so it may be a little of an apples to oranges comparison.
Also, people have told me the West coast is a little different culturally than the East, but I’ve never been - so maybe it is more of a regional thing which correlates with the highly status conscious environment of the east coast, or maybe I have no idea what I’m talking about.
Everybody judges everybody all the time without respite, it’s human nature. The question is what are they judging and if that specific type of judgment seems reasonable to you or not. Lots of non-American cultures judge very heavily on inherited family status and connections and many immigrants have cited this as one reason they came here to get out from underneath that.
Americans judge positively on existing situational wealth with historical family background and status not considered quite as important as in other countries. If you’re talking about things like being gay American culture is slowly accommodating that. Other than some Scandinavian countries we’re not that much different from most of the industrialized world. Religion is a similar story.
What kind of specific “judginess” are you talking about that Americans do that other cultures don’t??
I question judging of all types; there is the idea in many philosophical and religious works that people should not judge one another; I believe some people achieve that or come close to some degree. I believe in America I believe another ideoalogy is so heavily ingrained that tolerance is rather rare - no matter what your political and ideological stance is. In a similar vein many religions and philosophical world views also take the stance that pride is sinful or not something to be cultivated. I think secular culture takes an opposite view - the goal is to satisfy the ego, feel the joy of judgement and satisfy yourself with pride.
I kind of started thinking about it when a friend asked me if I found it hard to have conversations with people - I thought about it and said yes. There is not often an exchange of ideas in conversations I have, but a battle of differing opinions, even if I have no opinion, the goal of most people seems to be something other than an exploration of ideas and concepts. I don’t really talk so much any more.
This probably doesn’t help much,- but hopefully it helps a little. I’m kind of in a rambly mood today.
IME Americans are not more likely to judge. They are more likely to say it out loud. Europeans and Middle Easteners are more likely to adopt a cold politeness instead.
And I will shoot the next person who says that the US does not have a class system. It does and it is quite apparent to this outsider.
I agree with everyone above that it is human nature to judge others, and that it’s the specific criteria that are being used that differ based on location. As someone who lives in San Francisco but frequently visits D.C., I find that people in D.C. are far more likely to judge on the basis of career and politics than people in S.F. Among people that I know in San Francisco, you might ask, “What do you do?” to be polite, but mostly people don’t care very much about jobs – a waitress, a person working for a tech startup, an attorney and the clerk in the produce store might all hang out together without paying any attention to their different jobs and economic status. Also, everyone would have pretty much the same (liberal) political outlook, and if there was someone who didn’t (your Catholic friend who had more conservative positions on social issues, for example), you would just politely avoid discussing the more contentious issues.
In D.C., at least in my experience, your career and political affiliation are the first things people want to know about you, and everything else follows from that. Conversations seem to be more focused on either how much work everyone has to do, or on political issues. This leads to that culture of judgment and status consciousness that the OP has experienced.
That’s not to say that we don’t judge each other in S.F. It’s just that you’re far more likely to be judged on your clothes (professional? hipster? high fashion? street?), the music you like, or the food you eat (organic? gluten-free? foodie? locavore?) than on what you do for a living or how much money you make.
Or, if you are one of those “bridge people” who don’t live in SF proper.
My parents chose to move into a new retirement community in Florida years ago, after living most of their adult lives on the west coast (altho both native to NYC). I asked my dad how the neighbors at his new residence were - he commented that he once used the community pool, and a woman swam up to him to strike-up a conversation. Eventually she asked him which model home they bought, he told her, she said “huh”, then swam away.
He believed this judginess was an east coast cultural thing, where people have been more competitive for longer, and have had to deal with crowding longer. I pointed out that there is a lot of this on the west coast as well, perhaps more in rich enclaves, but he said that attitude was more pervasive thru all classes back east.
I don’t think any one achieves that except for very specific definitions of judging *. Every time you meet someone and decide you either do or don’t want to cultivate a friendship with them, you are judging them in some way- at the very least you are judging whether you will enjoy spending time with them. When you are hiring someone , unless you either hire the first person to apply or use a lottery, you are judging. You might not judge people based on their job or their wealth or their family or their neighborhood or any other specific criteria- but that’s not the same as not judging them at all.
one of the most judgmental people I know is fond of telling other people they are “too judgmental”. Because she and only she determines exactly which issues you can and can’t have opinions ( which is just another word for judgments) about. Think freegans who dumpster dive even though they can afford to buy food are crazy? Unacceptable to her. Call your school-age nieces and nephews “label whores” because they don’t shop in thrift shops? Just fine. According to her, she doesn’t judge people.
It is one thing to know what you like, what you enjoy and who you enjoy being with. I suppose those feelings involve judgement. But to say what you like is better, and what you don’t like is inferior, that is more the type of judgement of which I speak. It’s not really a crazy thing to be able to say well I like this or that but I don’t know if this or that is better. Sort of like you can view things more as choice of ice cream flavors and not as a hierarchy.
Similarly, you might not hire someone for a job, but that does not mean they are inferior as a person. I’ve hired people before; I was judgmental when I was younger, as I got older, I would just look at it like, “this won’t be a profitable arrangement,” or “this person does not have enough experience” etc. But I guess it is pretty common for people who hire to take a different, more personal, tone.
I don’t plan on staying here, that’s for sure. The west coast is starting to sound pretty nice after reading the comments in this thread. I don’t find DC to be any fun at all. Even if people are not judging me per se, I just don’t find myself enjoying the general culture very much. I can’t move for a couple years though; my fiancé goes to grad school here. Also, it is possible for me to work and go to school here and cover my bills on a 30 hour a week job - you can’t do that everywhere.
But really, I feel like I’m in some sort of cultural purgatory. There is nothing to do about it but complain on the internet and wait until we’re done school so we can move to greener(not that green is any better; I just happen to like green) pastures.
That’s what I meant about a specific definition of “judging”. If you define “judging” only as believing some people are inferior as people to others, probably a lot of people come close- but I still doubt if anyone completely succeeds.
I wasn’t talking about taking a more personal tone - “This person doesn’t have enough experience” is a judgment. It’s not a judgment on their worth as a person, but it’s a judgment nonetheless.
Because Americans tend to have much more of a moral, self-righteous streak than other people. This is true of liberals and conservatives alike. It can be an ugly thing sometimes.
This seems a very judgmental thing to say about Americans. As a non-American who lived for a long time in America, I never noticed that Americans are more inclined to be judgmental than anybody else.
Admittedly, I spent nearly all my time in America on the west coast, and some people in the thread seem to be saying that this is an east coast problem. I can’t really speak to that. Californians do have a reputation for being “laid-back”.
