My ex- is from India, last SO was Iranian, and about half the women I’ve dated were Hispanic. I’ve never dated a black woman but that’s due in part to the fact that I think some are looking for black men, might not consider dating a white guy. I’ve certainly met some whom I’d like to date.
My nephew—45 years old—has been married to two black women. He said that if a black guy dates a white woman, that’s a real feather in his cap in the black community. But if a black woman dates a white guy she takes grief for it, like she’s not attractive enough to get a black guy.
As I grow older I’m still attracted to the exotic, but I’ve also learned firsthand that differences in background can create extra problems in relationships. My attraction level for an exotic might be on a par with what I feel for a white woman, but I won’t pursue the exotic unless I’m really attracted. I might meet a pretty black woman and maybe she’ll reject me because I don’t look “black” enough. And I just expect to be shot down more, i.e. she may not be willing to take flak for interracial dating.
That’s odd. I find the tribal scaring amplify her beauty myself - and I’m not really into body mods either.
I’m quite fond of Skin (former Skunk Anansie singer) although she can look quitescary sometimes
ETA :
That’s true for me as well, for some reason. I probably won’t do a spit-take for a Halle Berry lookalike, but a really, really dark skin, like as-black-as-Dick-Cheney’s-soul black with the exact same features I’ll find achingly beautiful.
I disagree. I just stated that I generally find black women less attractive, but it’s entirely look related. It’s the same as white women I find objectively beautiful but subjectively not that attractive, like the “IMHO hot babes” I also mentioned. I assume here that it’s a common experience for men to find women beautiful but not attractive, but then again maybe not.
You (and another poster) listed several possible alternative explanations. Racism (I’m of course going to deny being racist), other people’s opinion (I don’t think I’m close to anybody who would think less of me for being with a black woman), social class and wealth/income (I couldn’t care less for social class, and wealth/income is probably the last thing I would consider). The only thing that would make sense for me is cultural differences.
But it still falls flat, like actually all the other explanations, simply because when I check up a random woman at the local cafe, I’m not wondering “hmm…how would it be if I dated/married her? What problems could arise?”. I generally stop at the much more basic : “Hot or not?”. And my general opinion about the relative beauty and/or attractiveness of black women is essentially based on those “check up of random women at the local cafe”.
Why should it be a problem? There are plenty of men who pay more attention to the face than to the body. Somehow, it should be shameful not to like a facial feature, but not shameful not to like, say, an ass?
I’m not attracted to overweight women. But other than that, the face takes by far precedence over all other considerations for me. I probably wouldn’t remember anything about a woman I found attractive apart from her face. I probably wouldn’t have paid the slightest attention to some elements that a number of men notice a lot, like her legs or her size(*). Why on earth should I feel ashamed?
(*) I’m strikingly oblivious of size, except when a woman is taller than me. I’ve known for many years, and met on a regular basis, a woman that I happened to find attractive, and it’s only when she one day mentioned her size (1m47, that’s apparently 4’8") that I noticed she was short. Previously, I would have been completely unable to tell how tall she was if you had asked me without having her in front of me. For all I knew, she could have been 1m70 (5’6"). I just don’t notice that.
That’s about par for the course. It’s one of those subjects one doesn’t bring up in polite society (not that the SDMB is anywhere near “polite society”).
I think because we’re such a status- and materially-motivated culture, we’re trained not even to recognize it. Bringing it up is sort of like being invited to a sumptuous dinner party and mentioning all the hormones they put in the meat.
No, I was just saying they’re attractive. Exactly how black they looked didn’t enter into it. The OP was apparently referring to his friend not being attracted to black women regardless of their degree of “blackness.”
I agree with this. I am a mid 40’s white male raised in the Northeast. All my girlfriends growing up as well as my wife have been the blonde hair blue eyes type. I always thought that I didn’t find black women attractive also. About 7 years ago I started traveling to Washington DC pretty regularly for business. Each time I visit I am amazed at all the beautiful black women I see. I suspect for me it was just a matter of living in a place that had few black women & did not notice until I found myself in a place where there a lots of black women.
What a crazy question! Don’t tell my wife I’m saying this…You can put the most beautiful white woman next to the most beautiful black woman, and the black woman will be hotter every time.
I think what I take issue with the most out of your post is that you’re making some sort of distinction between who is “beautiful” and who is “pretty” when this stuff truly is subjective. I would have no problem describing Beyoncé or Gabrielle Union as beautiful, whereas you might say that you only find them “pretty.”
So which one of us would be right? I can’t say.
As to the question in the title, I think the answer is no. Generally people are attracted to members of their own race—probably some Freudian bullshit about secretly wanting to bed your parents, or something. I think it’s likely that you and your friend are generally less attracted to black women than you are to white women, and there’s nothing wrong with that, really.
I’m sure if she was giving me a lapdance I’d have a hard-on, but I wouldn’t fantasize about her from her pics. She’s beautiful, yes, just does nothing for me beyond aesthetics.
I am of the opinion that among relatively pure ethnic groups, the largest number of beautiful people within a single group are either Somali or Ethiopian. (I decided this back in the 80’s when the Ethiopains were suffering famine… I couldn’t get over how gorgeous all the dying people were…)
I am of the opinion that the least attractive overall are Inuit.
So, to answer your question more directly: no. And I think you and your friends’ assessment of the beauty possessed by Halle and Beyonce is very wrong.
And finally, I think the largest number of beautiful people will be found among the people of mixed race, even if the “mix” is merely mixing varieties of whites, like Irish and Russian, or German and Italian. The more homogenous the genes, the less attractive the people, generally. Especially white people.
Sincerely,
Stoid
White Woman: 50% Irish (Cassidys breeding with other Cassidys!) 50% classic American mutt, the only known component being Cherokee, roughly 5%.
I think first you need to define what you mean by “beautiful”, vs “pretty”, “attractive”, and “damn sexy”. Because those can be synonyms.
Next, and most importantly, I think you need to ask yourself and probably your friend what it is about black women vs white women that keeps them from being “beautiful”. Is it their skin color, the shape of their lips and noses, etc?
I think you will find if you really consider it the reason you don’t rate black women beautiful is that their common features don’t match what you find attractive. If that is the case, then you probably won’t be able to find a black woman that he finds attractive or “beautiful”, because the features that make them black are exclusionary criteria.
And there’s nothing wrong with that, at a personal level.
However, the assertion that other people, including people of different ethnicities, do not find them beautiful is naive, parochial, and a bit insulting.
As far as explaining why black men date white women, and more black men seem to date white women than black women seem to date white men, etc, there are other social factors in play that people have discussed.
Somehow, as a straight man, knowing that gay men finds them attractive makes it sound like I should like them less.
Hopefully not by gay men!
Amusingly, the first time I heard the word “striking” used as a descriptor for attractiveness, it was being applied to a picture of a woman whom I felt looked kinda blah. I decided that “striking” meant “looking at her is like getting struck in the face”. YMMV.
As far as the First Lady, she has narrow set eyes, high wide cheekbones, her lower lip protrudes, and her face is slightly unsymmetrical. Those are objective descriptors. Judgements about whether she is attractive or not are in the eye of the beholder. Our President finds her beautiful, and that is his perogative.
Too much makeup, maybe. Or maybe I just would go wild for her but not for your ideal girl.
I know that there are some people on this board who will name Helen Mirren as the hottest woman EVER; especially if the thread asks for women over 40. I find Helen Mirren to be unattractive, even in her younger years. Different strokes, different folks, and all that.
