It’s been stated by many black women that they aren’t into white men because they don’t have swagger.
It appears that it goes both ways. Many white men aren’t attracted to black women either. This makes me ask, if there is one or more traits that black women lack, that many white women possess.
I’m not a white man, but I like women. I’d hate to admit this…I have trouble finding myself attracted to a lot of black women. I’m attracted to women of all races, including black, but compared to women of other races…there’s less black women i’m attracted to. I can’t put my finger on it, it’s a certain unidentifiable trait that many black women do not have.
I’m certainly not trying to say that black women are too ghetto and aggressive. Theres many college-educated and middle class black women out there. Yet, even among that group, I just feel this lack of chemistry with them.
I feel really guilty about this and would like to change.
Anyone else experience this or have any thoughts or opinions related to the subject?
Are you surrounded/exposed to as many black women as women from other races?
My money is on “not”.
So, aside from all the societal pressures and from “hey, you like what you like”, if black women made up a 15% of the total women you see - all other things being equal, only 15% of the women you found attractive would be black ones. (Number pulled at random, simply because IME people tend to understand “15%” better than “N%”)
Hmm, I’m getting a Google ad for an Afro Romance website in which a black chick is eagerly eyeing a white guy who doesn’t seem to be swaggering. In fact he appears to be semicomatose.
I’ve tried to swagger but all too often I just trip over my own feet.
Maybe it’s somehow related to white women having their faces and bodies plastered on 99% of all mass media outlets? Or, when someone relays a story about an attractive woman, 9 times out of 10, the word “blonde” will be somewhere in there?
There are stereotypes, some that are wack and some that are not. Not an expert, so not about to judge which ones are accurate or not. White women are sexually “easy” and will do things, like fellatio, that black women will not. White women know how to care for their men and make them feel all macho and cool. Black women are domineering, both in size and demeanor. That they have baggage–hair baggage, skin baggage. That they are overweight, or given to being overweight if they aren’t already. That black women are loud and aggressive, while white women are quiet and demure. Etc., etc.
It amazes me how many people act surprised when I don’t get angry in that stereotypical, “oh no you didn’t” kind of way. They’ll say, jokingly, “Can you do that neck roll thing that angry black women do?” I’ll do my best attempt and they’ll ask if I’m having a seizure or something. No, not all of us are “like that”. In fact, some of us are as diametrically opposed to that as can be. It still doesn’t stop people from telling me, “You know the-other-black-coworker-on-the-floor? She intimidates me!” I’ll ask why and they’ll say, “She just seems like she’s angry all the time.” I could fill a phone book about all the annoying ways of this coworker, but “being angry all the time” wouldn’t even make the cut. People simply see what they want to see.
And they don’t see what they do want to see. They’ll see a “cool” black chick but mark her as somehow different…an aberration. A black woman’s not supposed to dig Led Zeppelin or the Black Crowes more than some hip-hop group that just came on the scene five seconds ago.* No way! So either she’s not really black, so the radar isn’t picking her up as a black woman who’s “dateable”…or she’s just way too hip to holler at. At least, this is my hypothesis. Not being a white guy, I don’t know what’s really going on in their heads.
*Or another thing I’ve heard…a black woman who likes these things is “trying too hard.” That’s it unnatural. Yeah, try to have a conversation with me about Chris Brown and I can tell you exactly two things about him. That he once hit this chick named Rhianna and he tries to dance like Michael Jackson. That’s about it. I’m not trying to be “cool”. Not anymore than you’re trying to be cool by listening to hip hop and Top 40.
I grew up in inner city, as a white male, attending schools that were 40% black and 20% Asian, and just a few Hispanics. The remaining % was mostly white.
I am not attracted to many Asians, Hispanics or Black women. Actually, Asians and Hispanics turn me off, whereas I am attracted to some Black women.
I have no idea how this helps, but I do believe that white women are trophies, because they are slapped on everything. The list of Black trophy women is short… because it would have to be a famous Black woman, such as Hallie Berry.
For a Black man to have a white trophy girl, she just has to be attractive relative to the standards established in the media.
See, I would take this as evidence of white woman = trophy. Yeah, she might be ugly and fat, but she’s white. You can get a black one all day long, but a white one? Hell yes.
The reverse might also true. My father once remarked that as a principal over a predominately white female faculty, he’d often overhear his employees drooling over the fugliest, peanut-headed black guys. He couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps they were attracted to other things other than their faces.
What do white women have that black women do not? Stereotypically, an interest in dating white men. I’m not surprised at all that many men tend to be attracted to the group they’re more likely to be successful with.
Are you a white man by any chance? I have to say being a white man is really awesome. In my experience pretty much everybody wants to date us. The only women I’ve ever met who didn’t date white guys were very traditional Indians or Muslim women. Also that woman on this board who thinks shaking hands is tantamount to rape probably doesn’t date many white guys.
I’m sure there are black hispanic and asian women who don’t like white guys but I’ve literally never met one. I’ve met quite a few who only date white guys or strongly prefer white guys but most have been open-minded about dating their own group or dating white guys equally.
So not to try and throw cold water on your theory but in my experience white guys really do not need to try hard to find groups willing to date us.
My “theory” is just based on the stereotype existing, not on it being accurate. The first line of the OP is “It’s been stated by many black women that they aren’t into white men because they don’t have swagger,” so evidently some people believe this. People’s behaviour will be more affected by their perceptions than the truths they don’t know. If a guy is automatically thinking “I’m probably not her type,” whenever he encounters a woman of another ethnicity, he’s less likely to ever find out if he’s wrong.
I am a white guy, but I don’t have a very varied social life (been dating the same white woman for practically all of my adult life, not really friends with any black women), so I’m not going to argue with your experiences.
Based on physical characteristics alone, I find a number of African American women to be very attractive. However, so far as my personal life goes, I just don’t come into contact with black women all that often.
It’s true. If someone says “picture a hot woman” the odds are I’m going to picture a white woman or Salma Hayek (the most beautiful woman in the world).
Do you think some of this might stem from a difference in how black Americans communicate with one another versus how whites communicate with one another? I’ve noticed a higher percentage of black women who talk to me at work come across as being aggressive when compared to white women. Mostly it’s the tone of voice. i.e. I’m asked a question in a way that sounds like I’m being challenged. Conformation bias perhaps. The three black women I’ve worked with or have had social contact with over the last few years are nothing like this.
I don’t think black women very often do that saying-everything-as-though-its-a-question-even-when-its-not thing that I see whole lot of white (and Asian) women do. This way of speaking comes as across as deferential and meek (and highly annoying) to me, so I’m not surprised black women are seen as aggressive when they tend not to speak in this manner.
It might be. It might be that the coworker is more relaxed around me than she is around white people. And I could see how she could come across as a know-it-all because sometimes that IS how she comes across. But angry? Uh…I just can’t see it.
I will say this, from my experience, younger white women seem more “shiny happy” than younger black women. By this I mean they’re more likely to be giggly, very friendly, talkative, and even flirtatious. I was staying in a hostel this weekend and almost all the girls in my room were this way. Laughing really loud and frequently, doing that stereotypical “Oh my GAWD! That’s TOTALLY amazing!” thing that gets played up all the time by black comedians. Very cutesy, playful, and non-threatening. From my experience, black women aren’t typically like this. It’s not that we lack a sense of humor (I certainly do not). It’s just that we don’t present as “chipper” or “bubbly”. And in a professional environment, we tend to be even more reserved because we don’t want to be perceived as being a silly negro. Even I, evermost the class clown, will not laugh at every and all jokes that have been said, like I’ve noticed my white counterparts doing. I don’t even do the polite laugh. I’ll smile a little, but if you want me to laugh, you better come with the funny.
Used to have a white coworker who was the same age as I am (in an office full of old fogies). We started at the same time. Now, I just said that I have a sense of humor and I’m a class clown. Anyone who spends just a few minutes with me knows that this is true (whether I’m actually funny is another matter :)). However, this white coworker of mine quickly earned the reputation of Little Miss Sunshine while I was just “new girl”. You could hear her laugh a mile away (which was obnoxious sometimes, working in the cube next to hers). She was always gabbing on the phone, flirting with the coworkers she was talking to, regardless of gender. She would bring in cookies and cake every week, and she actually made embroidered caps for the co-workers she oversaw. It struck me as trying a bit hard, and she eventually did confess to me that she really wanted people to like her. And when a couple of people didn’t want to be her BFF, she let the hurt feelings show and it wasn’t pretty. Talk about conflict! I think it’s why it was so easy for her to quit, ultimately. This is just one white person, and I’m just one black person, but to be honest, I can’t imagine a black woman going through all these motions. I suppose it might be that black people in general go into a situation expecting people not to like them (or at least being indifferent to them). So our bar is set low, a protection for our egos, but we also don’t get to be Miss Popularity because we aren’t thinking we’re even in the running. So it’s a double-edged sword thingie.
Is that a conscious thing, of trying not to act a certain way because of how you’ll be perceived based on race? Or does it start out that way and become unconscious because you get used to acting that way?
I have no idea. All I know is that when you are a black person in a predominately white working world, your personality is not all the time natural. Sometimes you feel like you have to be extra serious to gain any kind of respect. Sometimes you feel like you have to be extra easy-going just so people don’t feel intimidated.
