Do few black women fall in love with non-black men?

(CAVEATS I know many of you simply hate these threads…and I am fully aware “race” is a mostly bogus concept in scientific usage. I am talking about ethno-social groups as defined by mainstream North American society. Personally I don’t like these categories much. And I know one or two black people can’t speak for 35 or 40 million of people. Furthermore, I guarantee I will say at least three or four stupid things here).

Anyway, there is a lot in the media, films, popular culture about the fact that many black women feel there is a ‘shortage’ of black men - as growing numbers of black men date primarily women that are not black. Just from my own observation, I rarely see black women with men that are not black.

One reason I have heard, especially as it regards to white men, is that many black women are very sensitive about the history of being sexually exploited in the past. Is this something that is openly discussed by a lot of black women, or just some sociological theory heard in academic circles? Also, in the past black women were viewed as unattractive by many other people - I mean some people even today say things like “good hair” for straight hair, or prize thin lips and light skin. Yet, there is no shortage of black female sex symbols today.

Also, I think many non-black men have sexual stereotypes that black women expect things out of a lover that white men can’t often provide, or are otherwise “different” sexually…as the Rolling Stones’ “Some Girls” said:

“Black girls just wanna get f*cked all night
I just don’t have that much jam”

( )

Yes this is a really stupid line from a silly song, but it seems to be a common ‘locker room’ type view. And I am sure many black women are wary for that very reason.

Anyway, today there are many black man/white woman couples, white man/Asian woman couples, quite a few Asian woman/black man or Asian man/white woman coupls, and Hispanic (who really can be any race or any mixture of races) with non-Hispanic white/black partners…but black women just don’t seem to date others that often.

And I haven’t even brought up gay or Lesbian couples…

10,9, 8,…

syncrolecyne [ from west west Texas] What’s the real reason for asking this question?

chaventh: go away and don’t come back, please

The real reason? Well I have recently read several articles on this topic…(“Newsweek”, “” to name a few), and in my limited observation, have seen this to be the case.

As you pointed out, I don’t live in the most cosmopolitan setting, and I thought this might be a place for a more informed answer (maybe my hopes were a bit high).

By the way, do you really live near the river Congo? I was mainly asking this in the context of North America, I have absolutely no idea if this topic is relevant or newsworthy in Africa, Europe, South America and so on.

I dated a nice black girl in college. I know a few other white men dating black women. Yet, I have to agree with you in sorts.
It does seem that the majority of “mixed” couples I see tend to be white female/Black male.
Granted, I still live in alabama, where most of the state is a bit behind on the curve.

Well, this isn’t much of a statistical sample, but my younger brother (Jeiwsh Whitebread) is happily married to a nice woman from Haiti, and by all accounts (theirs) they have a wonderful sex life. In fact, I wish my sister-in-law would stop talking about how wonderful it is.


There are several past threads addressing this exact topic you can search on.

The simple answer is that people tend to hook (marriagewise) up with people who are in both their racial and socio-economic cohort. There is no exceptional shortage of black men overall numerically, there is an acute shortage of acceptable black men to aspirational black women, and those men that are “acceptable” have their pick of black and white women which leaves many black women out in the cold.

See The Marriage Dilemma of College-Educated Black Women:

My sister once dated a white guy but she broke it off because she couldn’t see the relationship lasting very long. He used to make fun of her, and she was always reminded of her “blackness” when she was around him.

No, there are no shortages of black women sex symbols. But what about beauty symbols? In American society, the “white” look is still the golden standard. Those black women who have been appreciated for their looks–Halle Berry, Vanessa Williams, Thandi Newton, Imani–are basically cocoa-flavored white women, in terms of looks (I feel like I can say this, being a light-skinned black person myself). Do you see people like India.Arie and Missy Elliot getting play from white guys? I don’t know.

Black women still have a ton of stereotypes attached to them. Supposedly, we’re loud, ignorant, uneducated, mean, promiscuous. gold-diggers. Yeah, a guy might ignore these things to get some one-night stand nookie, but that’s probably it. Plus, interracial marraige is still a taboo in our society, and I imagine that the pressure is greater on men to get that “perfect spouse” than on women.

I wouldn’t be adverse to dating white men, personally. As long as they treat me right and love me for me, we can chill. :slight_smile:

Come to Park Slope. I think we have the lowest incidence of opposite sex-- same race unions in the entire world with no shortage of black women/white men couples. We are the future!

I love my neighborhood.

Sadly, it’s in New York.

I dated a black man once, and we din’t click because I was “too white” I tend to stay away from black men around my town because , well they call whatever I am “trying to be white” , They just don’t seem to like it, So I tend to end up with white men.

I’m white, and was dating a black girl a few years back. She said she loved me, and have no reason to believe she was lying.

There is also a political-consciousness reason that suports the disparity, although I don’t know if it applies much in “real life” (comments welcomed) –

synchrolene’s OP:

You can split that into two columns, a “race” column and a “sex” column. Black women as blacks have been exploited on grounds of race (as have black men), and as women have been exploited on grounds of sex (as have white women). As you can see from that little grid, black men and white women have something in common, and it is possible that this creates a kind of balance. Each is on the “historical oppressor” side of one of the two axes, vis-a-vis the other, and each is simultaneously on the “historically oppressed” side vis-a-vis the other axis as well.

In contrast, a white guy may be dense and clueless and unable to relate to a black woman’s experiences as a woman or her experiences as a black person. Looks like somewhat trickier going.

Of course, I reckon most of us aren’t spending all of our dating and flirting time contemplating sociological stratifications and historical oppressions and group identity and whatnot, so it’s hard to say how much of a role this plays. But perhaps some.

My brother (white) is living with a Zimbabwean woman (black) at the moment. Don’t know much about their relationship because we just don’t talk about relationship stuff in our family. But there you go. Another example for you! :slight_smile:

I have a white friend who married a black woman. As far as I can tell they are very much in love.

I’ve been kinda wondering how it’s working up here in the frozen north. I’m married (both of us white), so it’s academic, but a while back they had a census thing in the paper that said;

Nationwide, 7% of married black men are married to white women.

Here in Minnesota, an astonishing 44% of married black men are married to white women.

That’s gotta be making a severe dent in the black dating pool and limiting options for black women.

Either that or there just aren’t very many married black men!

over in merry olde England, half the Black male population is either married or currently dating a White woman…so it’s even harder for Black women over here.

I can’t speak for the entire South, but on my college campus here in MS, almost every black girl I know has either dated or is dating a man of another race. Most are black woman/white man, but some are black woman/latino and one is black woman/chinese man.


In Toronto, it is pretty common to see black women with men who are not black (nor necessarily white).

In Martin Amis’ London Fields, the author hypothecizes that in some communities, black women do not date non-black men because this causes black men in that community to harass or beat up that black woman. I have no specific reason to believe this is true from my experiences. However, I have good friends from many other (non-black) cultures who are “second generation” Canadians. Some of their parents do harbour very strong negative attitudes about those outside their specific group; this includes a number of groups considered white.

Who, precisely are you calling a black female sex symbol? Whoopi Goldberg?

All the black women who the media tout as sex symbols possess characteristically “white” traits; light skin, straight hair.

Halle Barry, Beyonce Knowles, Vanessa Williams, Tyra Banks, Mariah Carey. When these women do magazine covers, they are uniformely airbrushed to appear even lighter in skin tone.

When Grace Jones or heck, Star Jones is on the cover of Vogue, you let me know.