Are daddies more indulgent of their daughters??

In My Humble Opinion
1

My daughter informed me a couple of weeks ago that her math teacher wanted them to bring pies in today, Pi day - 3/14… 3.14… a math joke, I guess.

So, I asked her to make a list of what she needed to make her pie. We’ve been out shopping at least 2 times since she told me about it, plus I made at least one grocery run during that time. She never made a move to purchase what she needed, never asked me to pick up the ingredients.

Last night, she came home late - the chorus attended a regional choral festival - and wanted to know where her ingredients were (translation: Mom, why didn’t you buy that stuff I need?) and would I take her to the store to get them. I pointed out that I’d asked her about this on Monday and she blew it off. I further pointed out that she knew this was coming and it wasn’t my project.

Dad took her to the grocery store.

She made her pie, but didn’t have time to do the dishes because she had homework and it was almost 9… Lest I forget, she didn’t have tome to do her regularly assigned Tuesday chore, either.

So, Dad’s the hero, Mom’s the bitch, and the kid was bailed out again. I told hubby this morning that I thought it was wrong of him to drop everything and help her - AGAIN. He thinks I’m mad at him… maybe I am, but mostly because I think this is part of the reason she puts stuff off.

So tell me, Daddies, am I wrong here? Am I really the evil shrew undeserving of the sainted title of “Mom”? Should I go home and wash all the dishes myself and beg her forgiveness?? (Unless, of course, Dad did the dishes before he left for work.)

And Moms - can you back me up?? Shouldn’t a 15 y/o be old enough to be just a tad more organized?

2

Mom reporting in. I agree that a 15 year old should have taken the consequences of her actions in this case.

Daddies more indulgent of daughters? not by my childhood standards. My baby brother got away with aboslutely everything. My sister and I still gripe about it.

However, baby bro has his Karmic consequences. He’s a salesman. hospital supplies. :eek:

3

As a 25-year-old princess, I can assure you that my papa has often played the hero much to my mom’s dismay. I can only tell you that this has gotten worse since I’ve moved out. I’ve always been close to both of my parents, but it’s my papa who is the pushover.

4

Yeah, 15 is definately old enough to be responsible for their actions. But then, one of my Golden Rules is Logical Consequences as a teaching method.

Some Dads may be too indulgant with their daughters, but not my Daddy! I had curfews and rules out the wazoo. But my brothers came in at all hours and as long as they did okay in school and respected Mom it was cool. Still pisses me off sometimes.

Now as Granfather my Dad is such a pushover, especially for his grand daughters.

5

My Dad was never a pushover… still isn’t actually. Mom is the one who is a pushover (I even know how to get her to buy me something without being whiny. I just show it to her tell her I would like this but I don’t need it and she usually buys it for me. I stopped doing this though cuz that wasn’t very nice.)

Dad is the pushover for my brother though, at least more then he is for me. I mean he was going to take my brother (along with his girlfriend and her son) to California and leave me behind! How nice is that huh? And one of the reasons he gave was because me and James fight if we’re in close quarters for awhile. We have matured greatly since then. We haven’t fought in over 2 years and even if we disagree it gets nowhere near the level it used to.

Ah well. I know I’m gonna get a trip with Dad sometime. He promised me he would take me somewhere since he took James somewhere.

6

Dad here.

My kids are too young for me to be answering this, but
I’ll probably be a pushover on stuff like that.

I’d let her be scared about it for a while, and if I were
creative think of some way she could make it up, but I
would still want her to get the assignment done.

7

My daughter is 2. She is, and will be, my only child. I discipline her on the big, “there’s a lesson to be learned here” stuff, but I’m also very indulgent in lots of ways. I expect that this is only going to get worse (or better, depending on your perspective).

I think that I’d let the 15 year old make her own mistakes and suffer the consequences, learn the lessons. The lesson she learned (prioritize, take responsibility, etc.) is much more important than learning the concept of pi, so I wouldn’t be too upset about her flunking the assignment.

8

Just speaking theoretically, as a Dad with a son who’s just starting to learn how to manipulate the big-ums… but if I were the father of the 15-year-old daughter in the OP, I’d probably make an effort to stop bailing out said daughter and let her learn to take care of herself. I get pretty indulgent with the tot right now, but even I know there are times where I have to put my foot down and insist he can’t beg/whine/cry for everything he wants.

9

Yep, 15 is old enough to have planned this assignment a little better, BUT I think there’s a lot of truth to the Daddy’s Little Princess idea.

In our family, growing up, I was Daddy’s princess and got all those benefits, but at the same time, my brother was totally Mommy’s Little Angel, and got even * more * perks from Mom. My mom treated me like an adult by the time I was a teenager (the best route, I think, especially in areas such as school assignments) yet my Dad indulged me as if I was a small child, probably because in his mind, I was still his baby.

To this day, both my brother and I (we’re adults now) pester our parents to finally fess up to this favoritism. We ask my mom “Who’s your favorite?” and we once got her to say “Son … uh … I mean both.” My dad is more savvy, and he responds with “I never liked either of you.” (In a very joking way, what else do you say to two adults who have asked you 20 times in an hour which one you like better?)

10

I suppose I should have noted that my daughter is generally pretty conscientious - under most circumstances she does her homework as soon as she gets home. It’s the out-of-routine stuff that she isn’t managing well - science fair project, banner for history class, audition for the talent show, and now this. Her grades have always been good, and frankly, I think it’d do her good to get a goose egg to teach her a lesson. Of course, the over-achieving mom wants her to maintain her straight-A average… still, self-induced failure can be properly humbling.

Obviously I missed the part where they hand out the parenting handbook with all the answers. I live in fear of getting a call from the Springer show for the “My Mom is a Heartless, Cold, Unyielding Poopyhead” episode…

Oh yeah - did I mention that Dad let her get a henna tattoo at Bike Week??

11

I got my “mommy rule book” at the hospital (or at least that’s what I told my son while he was young ‘sorry, but the mommy rule book says…’, and when he asked where it was "well, they don’t let you keep it)

One thing I think is important for kids to learn (not that you cause it of course) is how to deal with disappointment, and especially with disappointing yourself - ie - “I screwed up, now what?” we all do at some point, and need to be able to say ok, deal with it and move along. Explain to hubby that she needs to deal with this, too.

No, but did you have a problem with it? I didn’t have a problem with my son doing any of these (he’s currently 16): dying his hair various colors, (permanent dye waited til he was 15), eyebrow ring (ring can be taken out when he needs to look conservative), shaved head, hair half way down his back, etc. Henna tattoo wouldn’t bother me at all either (please don’t suggest it to him, though, we don’t need any additional ways for him to spend $$)

12

As long as it wasn’t a real tattoo at that age…

I’ve had henna tattoos and those temporary ones you get at fairs and get painted on… I’m planning on getting a real oe sometime. Just depends on when I actually have money adn that won’t be soon.

13

Actually, the only reason they got the tattoo was to yank my chain. I know they’re temporary and I really don’t care, but I had to act all huffy, but after all he spent in Daytona on shirts and leather and getting his helmet painted, etc etc, he really didn’t need to spend another $10 on a gag…

… and to tell the truth, I’m kinda looking forward to my parents’ reactions when they arrive on Friday…
Can I borrow your “mommy rule book”? :smiley:

14

Absolutely! and the great thing is that it’s written in invisible ink, that disappears whenever anyone non parental touches the book!

(and, by the way, the grandparental reaction may surprise you. My extreeeeeeeeeeeeemly conservative father has said re: Ben’s odd hair color ‘that’s ok Ben, don’t let them give you any shit’, and re; the eyebrow ring ‘just don’t expect me to make a ring for it’ - he’s a jeweler).

15

Even more of reason to make her responsible. Life doesn’t get any easier after this and any organizational skills she gains now will only be to her benefit.

Have you thought about maybe buying her one of those Franklin Planners or maybe even a Palm?

16

In some ways, yes. In others no.

For us it was a question of which parent related to the situation more. So, in moments like the OP’s, we’d go to Daddy (the procrastinator) who would bail us out. But then later, from Mom there would be some consequence for having failed to do the dishes and the chore.

(Actually, come to think of it, our moments were much worse than the OPs - if she was done baking the pie by 9, then she must have noticed the problem by 7… there would still have been time for us to be told “you can walk. you had better get going,” by both parents - panic wouldn’t have set in yet by any parties involved in the transaction… but then, by middle school, bedtime was more of a theory, especially if the dishes were not done.)

17

Her school issues all students a planner at the begining of the year - it’s great, and she keeps it up-to-date most of the time. The trick seems to be remembering to check it…

We’ve pointed out that college is just a few years ahead and she won’t have us or teachers to remind her of things… time will tell…

18

Scoff all you want, but lots of pediatricians believe that an ideal relationship is one where Mom looks after the kids and Dad looks after the Mom. Not saying I fully agree. Anyone who spends more time with the kids will become less tolerant of seeking favours. If one parent spends less time with the kids, they might feel less close to them and try to make it up in other ways. In general, women are very critical of women and men are not critical enough of women (or FAR too critical of women).

How’s that for sweeping with a broad brush? :slight_smile:

Mom was a pushover for me. Dad never was; never is.

19

Only for the small stuff. I’m much harder than my wife on issues like obediance/defiance, hitting, and so on. My wife is absolutely buffaloed by our daughter on Obediance & Defiance, but is pretty good on everything else.

Small stuff, though… Whoo-boy does she have me wrapped! Mrs. Tranq and myself have to constantly compare notes or she’ll play the old mommy-said/daddy-said game on us, usually with me as the stooge. It’s worth it though. Many of her manipulations involve a big hug (she found my weak spot), and I have a hard time saying no to that!

20

Just a quick followup… When I got home yesterday, the dishes were done, the kitchen was clean, all chores were up-to-date, and daughter was in her room deep in the Cask of Amontillado… <insert joke here> When Dad came home and asked her to clean the house on Friday (first day of her spring break) she not only agreed cheerfully, she offered to take one dog to the groomers for her haircut and she volunteered to bathe the other dog. Ya know, guilt is a powerful force for good… So Dad indulges her, but overall, she’s a great kid. Criminy, what am I bitching about??

Sheesh