To me the rituals surrounding death (despite that hey it’s your funeral man) are not for the corpse.
Anyway the OP has a factual answer: cremation has increasingly become the default in America:
According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) 2025 Cremation & Burial Report, the U.S. cremation rate will reach 63.4% this year, more than double the projected burial rate of 31.6%. These shifting preferences reflect lasting changes in family priorities, funeral profession practices and cultural attitudes. …
… 61.4% of consumers express interest in exploring “green” funeral options, demonstrating shifting consumer preferences toward more sustainable practices …
… As more Americans identify as non-religious (28% in 2023, up from 16% in 2007), traditional funerals are steadily declining. Funeral profession experts also note that life’s realities - like the rising cost of living and more geographically dispersed families - impact end-of-life choices.
My sister needed not to see our mother’s or our father’s bodies. I needed to see them.
I wasn’t there when my father died; and some portion of my head wasn’t convinced he was dead until I saw the body. Nothing to do with rational logic; that portion of the mind runs on its own kind of logic.
ETA: there was no general open casket viewing; this was a private option for immediate family only.
Not that I go to a lot of funerals, but the open casket funerals are a minority whereas 20 years ago they seemed to be the norm. That’s fine with me; I hate having to see a corpse. They never look like the person did in life and just creep the shit out of me.
I believe so, yes. The pattern I’m seeing, at least in the events I’ve observed, is about 75% cremation and 25% burials. Most funerals have been replaced by Recognition of Life gatherings at a later time.
If by ‘funeral’ you mean a religious service, the decrease could also be attributed to the large increase in “no religious affiliation,” which looks to currently be about 28%, compared to 25 years ago, when it was about 10%.
However, if by ‘funeral’ you are also including some non-private ‘celebration of life,’ to me it seems there has been a significant increase in people having ‘no services.’ Not that I could put a percentage on it, but I’ve noticed more commonly in obits over the past 20 years or so where it says “No services are currently scheduled.”
As noted numerous times, the service, whatever the form, is for the living, sharing stories, seeing people whom you might not have seen in 40 years (that is, for the people you’d like seeing, but just never made time for).
My mother died in her 80’s, the last of her eight siblings. My brother arranged the funeral, sped up a bit, there was a ‘showing’ in her Russian Orthodox church followed immediately by the burial. We split the cost. There were maybe 50 mourners that showed up, and we went to a diner after and sat and caught up. My brother said we were going to call everyone, every relative, and let them know “the last of the olds” had passed on…..My husband later died during the height of covid, I called an ambulance and he was taken to the hospital where no one was allowed to visit. He died 12 hours later peacefully and my daughter and I arranged for a cremation. No funeral, no service. (he had been retired for a few years and hadn’t left the house - didn’t keep in touch with any of his friends, we had only a handful of relatives left who were informed - some sent cards.) I have his ashes here in a beautiful carved wooden box. Don’t know what to do with them, I’ll let my daughter worry about it after I pass on.
For sure. I was offering one data point. You & sis are another.
If a would-be decedant has the “fuck it I’m dead” attitude, ISTM the courteous thing for them to do is tell the extended family that they’re indifferent about a celebration. “Have a gathering or don’t as you see fit; I’m not wanting to obligate you in either direction.”
My late MIL, a lifelong Catholic, had always insisted there be no service of any kind; just cremate her and find a scenic place to scatter the ashes and walk away. She’d be pissed if she was watching from heaven and saw us having a service. We felt a bit burdened by that; Mom deserved more recognition than zero, and her friends and family deserved more too.
Her daughter, my wife, died before Mom did. Which was wrenching for Mom of course. Per my wife’s wishes, we had a large service at the Episcopal church where she’d been very active for years. Mom of course attended. And having seen that, changed her mind and now loudly wanted a similar service when her time came. Despite Mom not really being much of a church goer, and certainly not to Episcopal ones. More burden. Once she died we arranged all that and it went off fine. But it felt a lot like force-fitting something.
My bottom line:
If you don’t care, say that. If you do care, say that. But large asks come with large guilt / hassle attached. Are you sure you want to pile that on your immediate family at that time?
This is for the UK, and the only funeral I’ve attended in the UK. My girlfriend’s mum died at home last year. They knew it was coming so I think already had a funeral home on standby. They came over quite quickly but GF’s dad, who is Irish, turned them away. Apparently it’s an Irish tradition to leave the body in the house overnight. On the day of the funeral hearse with the casket and a limo came to the house to pick up the family. The streets around the house are quite tight so one of the funeral directors walked in front of the hearse with a formal funeral suit and top hat. Once we got clear he got back in the hearse and we headed to the crematorium. The crematorium hall was church-like with pews, a lectern, and a plinth for the casket so it could be used for either religious or secular funerals. GF’s mum wasn’t religious at all. The celebrant had interviewed the rest of the family about mum’s life and had written a really nice summary of her life. Then my GF got up a read a bit. The celebrant did another little bit, a curtain was closed and that was it. People milled around in the car park for a bit then headed off to the pub for a wake.
A wake at a pub seems an integral part of a funeral in the UK and they can get quite boozy.
Edit to add, I didn’t really address the OP’s question. Cremations are far more popular in the UK as cemetery space is quite limited.
Indeed. Everybody (and I mean everybody) should have a Final Disposition or Last Wishes document that they have shared with close family members.
My wife and I are in the process of having a Trust created for our assets. Along with the Trust document, the attorney is preparing updated Wills, POAs, DPOAs, Advance Directives in case of dementia, and documents for no prolonging of life by artificial means if death is imminent.
What’s not included are the documents I described above, but we’re going to create them ourselves and make sure our kids have copies.
I certainly hope so. I absolutely hate attending them. So awkward, creepy, and morbid. I can’t think of anything more pointless.
Out of compassion & respect for my friends and relatives, I don’t want anything when I go… just a low-cost cremation with no funeral, no viewing, no service, no graveside gathering, no ashes, nothing.
See that’s the thing. That is not necessarily compassionate or respectful to relatives and friends.
Not everyone is helped in their grief process by a ceremony with community support, or has stress reduced by having defined rituals take decision making out of their (individual their being one thing and more complex when several family members with different wishes are in the mix), but plenty are. Even if they had … complicated … relationships with the deceased with mixed emotions on their passing; maybe especially so.
Maybe we do “die alone” … but we don’t have to mourn alone.
Same here for when my son died. They took care of all the onerous tasks that no family wants to deal with, even to getting copies of the death certificates. There was some marketing that went on for trinkets with ash in them, etc., which I ignored. I guess they did a service, but I didn’t stick around for it, as I don’t see the point in any of that. My cousin had a bit of a memorial after his death, but it was at the cemetery with only local relations. His ashes were buried in a Crown Royal bag, which was appropriate. The man liked his whiskey.
I’ve been to a number of memorial services held between a week an a few months after death. People would speak about the deceased and then refreshments would be served. I found them quite moving and much more satisfactory than the old-fashioned funerals. Me, I would like my body donated to the med school. My DIL said that after her first year of med school dissection the school had a service for all the bodies and she found that very moving.
There is a whole industry that makes concrete burial vaults. I don’t know if they sell them to people who are squeamish about their expensive caskets not being sealed off from nature, or if it’s code in some places. Personally, roll me up in a biodegradable shroud and stick me in the ground. No box.
My dad had his body donated to the University of Kansas med school. He died in August, and in May of the following year there was a program given by the med students for the families of the donors. Since Mom wasn’t able to go, I attended the program and it was indeed moving and gratifying, and I was damn happy I went.