About a year ago, a group came over from England to a conference where my wife works. We all met for dinner and drinks one of the evenings, as is the “custom” for entertaining out-of-towners. After the dinner, Mrs. Spritle informs me the the lady of the visiting group was flirting with me all dinner! (I was so clueless I didn’t notice.) I did notice that she was married and that her British accent was very sexy. She was TDY, but my wife was there!! Did I miss an opportunity for a manage, a minager, a mainger, a trio? Or did I not notice the flirting because I was not in the least bit interested in her British naughty bits? Hmmmm…
I’m married. A while ago I attended a party without my beloved, as she was away for the weekend performing. At said party, an extremely attractive woman - who I will freely admit was probably very, very intoxicated - asked me if I wanted to have sexual intercourse with her, except she said it using a very naughty word.
That was an opportunity. There have been other opportunities, as well, less blatant but still there. I am by no means rich, and certainly not what you’d call “good looking,” but almost everyone has multiple options over the course of a lifetime.
I have never cheated on my wife. First of all, why bother? She’s more beautiful, more sexy to me, than anyone I’ve ever known, so if I’m looking for sex, I’d be stupid to go anywhere else. Meanwhile, I get all kinds of rewards from being with my wife that exercising my “options” wouldn’t provide.
I, too, take offense to the statement that all men will cheat if they have the opportunity. I’ve known more women who’ve cheated on their SO than I’ve known men, and I know I for one wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I ever cheated on my wife/girlfriend. A lot has to be said for who the individual is and the standings of the relationship they’re in. I have plenty of friends who will admit to you straight out “Me and monogomy don’t mix. I’ve cheated on every SO in the past, and I’ll probably cheat on all of my future ones.” They’ll admit that and do whatever it takes to avoid a monogomous relationship. Eventually, the do get a serious SO, and then they cheat, and then drama ensues (and this is a friend of the female persuasion).
Also, if the relationship’s had hard times and the individual (or both members) have given up on the relationship, then yes, cheating will most likely occur. And some people are just very arrogant and can somehow justify having multiple SOs. But to simply say that all men are like that or think this way is very wrong. It’s like saying “All gay people sleep with anything they can get their hands on.” It’s a horrible stereotype, a lot of men take monogomy VERY seriously, and to feel that way about all men is a damn shame. I’m sorry if you’ve been hurt in the past by cheaters, but we’re not all like that.
Your above statement refutes the fact that JFK was a man of high integrity. If he was having orgies with persons other than his wife, he was NOT a man of high integrity. JFK had some admirable traits, but personal integrity was not one of them, by public knowledge, and by your own admission.
Didn’t we just do this thread a few weeks ago? Or am I losing it? Don’t answer the second question.
Anyhow, what astorian said goes for me, too.
And as far as the “no harm done” business goes: if I were unfaithful, I would know. I don’t know how long it would take to trust myself again after betraying, not just my wife, but myself in that manner. And I don’t particularly want to find out.
And I would have to carry around that secret without being able to confide in my wife, because it would hurt her terribly to find out. So I’d have to bear that burden alone.
Pardon me while I crawl out from under this blanket statement you seem to have thrown on top of me.
I’m married and have never even considered cheating on my wife, despite the fact that she’s been away for two weeks, and I probably will not see her again for probably about another month. I would divorce my wife before I’d consider cheating on her. It’s just not done.
What the others have said. Chris Rock is a comedian, not a social commentator. Just to let you know, anything else he says about men and tv remotes and women and driving are completely false as well.
It’s true in the business world, it’s true in the political world, it’s true in the sports world, it’s true in the entertainment world, it’s true in the military world, etc.
And maybe all of the guilt would make the guy behave BETTER toward his wife. She won’t know the REAL reason he’s acting that way, she’ll just know he’s treating her better!
Yes, RTFirefly, we had this discussion recently, here. The only difference is, that thread was started by a woman who, to interpret it uncharitably, had had numerous bad experiences and was now looking for carte blanche to hate all men.
Sometimes I wish there were categories beyond simply “men” and “women” so I didn’t have to share anything at all with people who display, and even more bizarrely seem proud of, Surreal’s worldview.
Thanks, Cervaise. I thought I remembered thinking through a post along these lines recently.
Guin - I can’t remember what TDY is an acronym for, but if one is in the military, it’s basically a short-to-medium-term (6 months or less??) posting away from one’s home base.
Just because there is a term for it in these arenas does not make it any more “true” than any other weird blanket statement. To me, that’s the equivalent of saying all Jews must be money-grubbing pinch-pennies bent on world finanical domination, just because a similar sentiment has cropped up in several countries. People say a lot of stupid crap, and a whooolllle lot of it is ignorant bluster.
This misses the point in so many ways it’s almost amusing. The point that most people have been trying to make here is that the man in question would feel he had violated his own moral code, his own integrity, his own sense of himself as a principled human being. For many married/partnered men, to betray his wife is to betray himself.
I think it’s also pretty evident from the responses that the opportunity to cheat is not worth the fundamental betrayal and damage the act of cheating would cause to the man’s relationship with his SO. Whether or not his wife ever learns of it, and whether or not he treats her better out of guilt is by far a secondary consideration compared to the man’s own knowledge that he’s betrayed the relationship. Assuming the wife would find out, the enormity of pain that would be caused to her drains the opportunity to cheat of any enticement.
Anyway, I think that anyone who seriously argues that a betrayal of trust might somehow benefit the one betrayed has some re-evaluating to do, to put it mildly. That’s one of the most ridiculous rationalizations I have ever read.
As far as I can tell, everyone who has responded here has been an American, which is probably why they seem so interested in forcing their religious opinions off on everybody else.
I’ve heard that in many cultures the women allow their husbands to have mistresses because it is understood that this is how men are. If you want a good husband, you’ll let him cheat because good men will have many opportunities.
You’ve been on the SDMB for at least a couple of months, and you still haven’t figured out that “I’ve heard” is not an acceptable citation? In the absence of said reference, I shall regard the above pseudofactoid with the same respect I show the hypothesis advanced in the OP.
Um, yes I am American, but I’m curious…when did religion get tossed into the equation? If you’re talking about the fact that many men have used “I’d feel guilty” as your basis for this, you’ve got something confused there. Guilt is not a religious thing, it’s a moral and personal response to an action. Religion has nothing to do with this conversation. There are also many societies where it’s looked down on for a man to have mistresses, so don’t even try that defense.
Regardless of your personal religious beliefs, if you grew up in America you had exposure to Judeo-Christian ethics since day one, which may have molded your mind into forming opinions which you now might assume are ‘logical’.
And all you have to do is go to Google and type in ‘Polygamy’, you’ll find countless documentation, such as this-
“For other societies , like most African societies today, the most honorable outlet is to allow polygamous marriage as a culturally accepted and socially respected institution. The point that is often misunderstood in the West is that women in other cultures do not necessarily look at polygamy as a sign of women’s degradation”
