In one of his HBO comedy specials, Cris Rock said “Men are only as faithful as their options”, meaning that a man’s fidelity hinges upon how desirable he is. Do you agree with this statement?
I tend to agree. I can’t imagine any man turning down a good offer, ever. I don’t care how much ‘in love’ he is with his partner. If he’s poor and ugly, he probably won’t cheat, not because he wouldn’t want to, but because the opportunity to do so will not present itself.
If he’s rich, famous, good looking, etc., he most definately will cheat, because the temptation will always be there.
I dunno. Your theory sounds plausible, but at the same time, it fails to explain the Jerry Springer Specials who are obviously poor and ugly, yet have a mistress, or two wives, or seven kids with five different women.
Another hole in the theory is that it assumes that a rich, good-looking guy will always cheat, and I just don’t think that would be so.
To say that your appeal to the opposite sex has no effect on the possibilities you are or aren’t confronted with is crazy, but when it comes right down to it, your choice is a matter of character.
I’ve known plenty of very attractive people who’d never consider cheating, even though they’re presented with plenty of willing partners. And why should a person who’s not considered a classic beauty and doesn’t cheat be considered to be any less virtuous?
lieu- “I’ve known plenty of very attractive people who’d never consider cheating, even though they’re presented with plenty of willing partners.”
Why not? It’s so easy to rationalize it. Let’s say that he does it in such a way that his wife doesn’t find out about it. He uses a condom, so no harm done!
You are not only wrong, you are downright insulting. Surely you don’t think men are merely subject to the penis? Men who cheat do so because they lack the integrity to be up front about what they need in a relationship…same with women. It has nothing to do with “options”. Even an unattractive man can pay a hooker.
Surreal: “Why not? It’s so easy to rationalize it. Let’s say that he does it in such a way that his wife doesn’t find out about it. He uses a condom, so no harm done!”
Who says “no harm done”?
I’d be ashamed as hell if I ever cheated on my wife. I’d consider it a character defect on my part. How could I then expect her to hold to a higher standard than I? How could I look at my kid and expect any admiration from her after I had cheated on her mom?
I’ve had my chances but was never even remotely interested. I think your too easily discounting guilt and the terrible toll it might take on a cheating spouse. Not to mention the fact any woman I ever had an affair with would likely stalk me forever.
Well, I think you’re stereotyping a bit here. It may be so easy for you to rationalize it, but that doesn’t necessarily extend to every man. You are assuming that the only reason not to cheat is because the partner may find out. However, what if the man in question has a value system which does not include certain behaviors? What if he values his relationship above casual sex on the sly? Even if “no harm done”, in terms of sexual health, maybe the man has character standards for himself that he does not wish to violate. He may be harming his own sense of security, well-being, self-esteem, and general desire to “be a good person”(according to his own definition). He may genuinely love his partner and only want to be with that person sexually.
Just because these reasons may not apply to some men, doesn’t mean they won’t to others.
There is a saying in the military (or the AF anyway); “What goes TDY stays TDY.”, meaning that many people feel unbound by conventional faithfullness mores when on temporary assignment away from their home base.
It is true, many people take advantage of the relative anonymity, however, many more do not, and many of those people have no lack of willing partners.
So no, I don’t think all men will cheat when given the opportunity. I think it has more to do with their character than their attractiveness.
Frankly, the OP is wrong. Sure, some people might cheat, but they aren’t good people. I love my BF, and I would never cheat on him. I’d feel flawed and dishonest if I did.
I mean, as far as I know, I’ve NEVER had a serious opportunity to cheat on my wife in the years we’ve been married… but that’s partly because I don’t go places where such opportunities might arise, and I don’t do things to bring about such opportunities.
I’ve never cheated on my wife, and I think that would be an utterly rotten thing to do. That said, I’m not virtuous, crazy or dishonest enough to say I could never be tempted. I certainly COULD be tempted. All the more reasons not to put myself in temptation’s way.
Men may be “only as faithful as their options,” but men also have some control over what those options are. A businessman who travels a lot may SEEM to have more opportunities to cheat than I do… but where and how he spends his free time in a strange city is a matter of CHOICE.
Well Chris Rock was not saying how men should behave, he was just commenting on how they do behave.
And I don’t think I buy this whole ‘lack of integrity’ argument. Just look at JFK, who was a man of very HIGH integrity. But because he was rich, famous, powerful, and good-looking, he was having orgies in the white house.
Maybe part of our ability to always say no is having the sense not to put yourself in a situation where we’d come under any temptation to ever say yes.
