To cheat or not to cheat?

God knows how I got onto this subject with my wife…but I did…and I wish I had not! But it did get me thinking, so I thought I would throw it to the SDMB.

If you could cheat on your spouse or significant other with the woman/man of your dreams, would you? A few things; First, the only two people who will EVER know is you two. Not a single other person would ever know. Second, its a one time deal, not a mistress, just an affair. You would never see each other again.

Now, being a guy and married I am a bit torn here :slight_smile: On one hand, its just sex, it is not like im killing someone. Also, I would hate to be eighty years old and think to myself; “I should have”. But then, I do love my wife. And she deserves better than to have me have throw away her trust in me. Course she would never know…so…

In the end I said 90% of all men would take the sex, whereas only 15% of women probably would. Men of course being the horny ass dogs that we are would take the sex. My wife said “no way”, and that I was a pig.

So what do ya think? Was I off in my estimation? Would you take the sex?

This may be more of a GQ, but I figured it might also spark a debate of some kind about men, women, and sex. If the mods would perfer this in GQ, move away.

If it was one of those truly once-in-a-lifetime things with like, the laminated list of five, then yeah, I probably would do it.

And I’d keep my mouth shut about it forever.

I don’t think I would. If I was married (I think) it would tear me up to know my wife did the same.

Not to get all gooshy here, but my spouse is the woman of my dreams, so I guess I’m all set.

But in a fair attempt to answer the question, I acknowledge that before I fell in love with her, I did have other dreams, so if an unattached Helen Hunt came my way now and was available… would I?

Nope. Because then my wife could not trust me. Granted, she wouldn’t know she couldn’t trust me, but she couldn’t – in fact, her not knowing that she couldn’t trust me would simply be another betrayal of her trust, if that makes sense.

So I’d have to content myself with glaring at Ms. Hunt and asking her where she was when I was single.

  • Rick

This ain’t a GQ or a GD, it’s an IMHO.

Anyway, a married couple I know has a “list”. On this list are several celebrities that, if the opportunity arose, they could have consequence-free sex with. Her list includes James Marsters and Vince Vaughn, while his includes Jessica Alba and Jessica Biel.

I’m not married, so for me it’s a moot point.

One word: Guilt. Maybe I’m wired funny, but I percieve cheating as a bad thing to do to a person, even if they’re not aware of it. Kind of like bashing someone behind their back: ‘I tell them they’re the love of my life and all I’ll ever need, but heh heh heh…’. Because I’m a selfish jerk, I wouldn’t want to have to listen to my conscience mulling over my misdeed. So I wouldn’t do it.

I wouldn’t do it. I love my b/f too much.

Man here. I wouldn’t do it. The thought of my wife doing it would drive me batshit insane.

This figure needs to be way higher.
I have cheated in past relationships. However, when I try to play this scenario with my current SO in mind, I have no interest in doing so at all. Sorry, Alan Rickman, you’ll never get my sweet lovin’!

Woman here and nope. Cheating on the marriage is not just cheating on the spouse it is cheating on yourself. Those vows I made were commitments I made to me. I want to stay true to the person I want to be. Nooky just isn’t worth it. That, and when you are used to making love, plain old sex just doesn’t cut it.

Keep in mind that wedding vows are made without the knowledge that Tom Cruise or Britney spears will want to have sex with you. If you did have prior knowledge of that event, I’m sure you would think twice about the vows. I would understand if my wife had sex with Tom Cruise, I might even make fun of her if she turned him down. It’s an experience of a life time, why have the person devoted to your happiness ruin it for you?

Sure it would.

Just hope you don’t pass on the opportunity and then find out years later that your SO had been cheating for quite some time (or even once, I guess).

Trust me, it sucks.

-Joe knows

I’m on the chopping bl-- er, getting married-- in January. Having watched (and enjoyed) Eyes Wide Shut as a parable about the importance of trust and the power of guilt, I wouldn’t ever cheat. Monogamy is all about trust and commitment. You throw away that trust, and it’s all but impossible to earn back. What else is there?

Trust? Youi twist and turn peoples words and meanings on this board alot. You have had to learn that trait over many years and trust will never fit into such factors.

Well there you go. Your wife’s a smart woman - she’s already denying it, and you’ve already given yourself away !

Everyone will have their own reasons for wht they’d do, but here’s mine.

I wouldn’t do it. Not because my wife wouldn’t want me to do it, but because I already promised her I wouldn’t do it.

When I’m in the position of having to break a promise to someone, I have to have a whole lot more justification than “just sex.”

If I’m going to worry about anything at the age of 80, I’d much rather worry about missing out on a chance for great sex than about being someone whose promise wasn’t worth a damn.

Another vote for the female figure to be much, much higher. Every study on the subject that I have seen always has surprising percentages of spouses who are actually cheating, nevermind those who theoretically would.

I don’t have a cite, but I do remember that it’s much higher than 15%, and men do cheat more often than women. Although, I would think it is hard to get reliable information on cheating spouses.

Female here, and no.

Sex, for me, isn’t about sex. If it’s not about love, I don’t want it. And one night of mere sex isn’t worth walking around the rest of my life knowing that I broke my marriage vows.

Countdown to flameout in 5…4…3…

-Joe, owns a stopwatch

Female here and completely in love with my SO but YES! In a heartbeat, under the conditions outlined. I am not owned by him, nor him by me.

Difference being, I guess, I can think of him doing such a thing and not flinch. In fact, when he went to Vegas for his brother’s bachelor party I gave him a pack of condoms even though I knew he wouldn’t cheat.