It seems to be a summary and critical review of 2 chapters of a larger work. Since the reviewers are summarizing someone else’s work, what you have is really hearsay:
I heard it form a friend, who…
heard it from a friend, who…
heard it from a friend you been messing around.
Then, from 2 different places in your cite:
The opening quote mark is in your cite both times (without ever having the corresponding closing quote) leading me to think that in the original work that they summarized had this statement.
So, you are left with your cite only giving 48% of men (which is still not most men) expressing a desire to engage in extramarital sex; Your cite states that not all of these men experience these desires will have extramarital sex; and some of these men may be in “open” marriages and have consent from their wives and therefore not be cheating.
True, but it’s obvious that Surreal didn’t explore his Google links very well. Further, one should find his links PRIOR to making a claim.
If Surreal simply hadn’t grabbed the first piece of evidence that seemed to indicate that he was right, he would have seen the other links that Black Knight provided, and he would have realized that his statements are not entirely accurate.
Again, true, but the point is that simply grabbing the first “agreeable” citation isn’t the way to go. There’s a difference between simply citing “The Naked Ape” and additionally citing two or three studies/critiques that agree with it.
Of course not all people, men or women, cheat if given the opportunity. However many men do, I think.
Take the example of WWII. I would venture to WAG that at least 80% of men in the services then were married. I think my estimate is low but take it for that anyway.
Millions, probably hundreds of millions, of anti-venereal prophylactic kits were distributed and an awful lot of them got used. I really don’t believe that a large fraction of those used were used solely by single men.
This blanket statement is so offensive that it is beyond offensive. If I wanted to sleep with someone other than my girlfriend, I would first end it with my girlfriend. As long as I wish to remain in a committed relationship with my girlfriend, I will not even entertain the thought of sleeping around. And I will expect her to do the same.
I suppose one could make the case that one’s options become extremely limited if one isn’t looking for any extra-curricular activity, so to this extent affairs are a function of options. But this is to redefine “options” beyond the meaning of the OP and create a self-fulfilling prophesy. No - whatever way I look at the OP’s application of his own odorous set of morals to me is simply obnoxious.
Before we all get self-righteous and congratulatory about how wrong the OP is and how No-One on the straight dope would ever cheat, it might be interesting to consider how we would respond if the question had been modified slightly: “Most men, given the right (wrong) set of circumstances, will cheat.”
The circumstances including not merely “opportunity and options” but also a terrible current relationship fraught with stress, anxiety, distrust, lack of support and the like.
My point, such that it is, is that it’s easy to say “I’d never do it” and to talk about somebody’s need to have some charactor or to ‘grow some moral fiber’ when one is in a relationship that is going well, but put your average man (or, perhaps, woman) in a really troubling relationship for a couple of years, and then his (her?) answer might very well be different.
No one (I hope) gets married planning to cheat, yet many, many people do that very thing. Hmmmmm.
Back when I was a single girl, I got turned down at least once by SINGLE men. And I’m not bad looking. In the one case I remember, it was a male friend who didn’t want to change the relationship
Believe it or not, not all men cheat. Not all men will even grab at sex when offered to them when it isn’t cheating.
Wha?
No one ever said or even remotely implied anything like
“no one on the Straight Dope would ever cheat”.
With regards to how we would have responded if the OP had been worded differently, that’s already been covered. It’s a given.
Pablito - then they need to end that relationship. Noone is holding a gun to your head and insisting you stay in it, after all. Whilst you are committed to the relationship, however, you have a responsibility to the other party. I’m sorry - I see no grey area here at all.
and, i also just know that women are bad drivers, blacks are lazy, atheists have no morals, southerners are rednecks, muslims are terrorists and gay people have a secret agenda controlled by their lobby. or something.
I agree–absolutely no gray area here. My point was that lots of people say and believe that they’ll never cheat, but then they do. Nothing excuses cheating, but that doesn’t mean we can’t argue about why they do it.
The argument here, as I understand it, is not about the rightness of cheating but about the ‘whetherness’ of it.
OK - but we have lots of people here saying that they have had the chance and they have not cheated. And I know for a fact that I would fall into the camp, because a few moment’s pleasure could never make up for the lifetime of guilt I would feel as a result. Being a human - i.e. one who is able to override their base instincts by rational decision - I know that I would simply say no. I hope the day never comes when I am just a big bag of hormones with no higher-order functionality.
Sheesh, maybe it depends on how you’re wired, but men do have control whether or not they pull their dicks out. Jimmy Carter lusted in his heart. Lot’s of people, heck maybe everyone does to a certain extent. Acting on that lust is a whole nother ball game.
I go on business trips all the time. $10 for a rub-and-tug, $25 a rub-and-blow and under $50 will buy you all night. To me it’s cheating, and I’ve never done any of the above when involved with a SO. I’ll take the fifth on other times.
There are a very vocal minority of married people that are absolute whore hounds the second their spouse’s back is turned. I’ve personally noticed a lot more men than women exhibit such blatant behavior, and for both groups they are a small minority of the business travellers. Yet this is the stereotype perhaps that the OP is addressing. This is an obnoxious minority.
In my experience, most of the above are the kinds of co-workers and bosses that you want to keep as far away from as possible. They tend to fuck you over in your company faster than they proposition a hooker, and with as much deliberation. Think about it (provided they do not have a mutually agreed upon open marriage), they obviously do not value their SO’s trust, fidelity, health, etc. You think they are going to give a rat’s ass if they can stick it to you at work for any thing that will help them get ahead?
It’s an inaccurate and offensive stereotype. Some men cheat a lot and may fairly be likened to ‘dogs’ in the sense that they indiscriminately ‘get it where they can’. These men get a lot of mentions, especially by women, and even more especially by women comedians. But they are in a minority. Most men, like me, do not regard sexual incontinence as either desirable or acceptable. It’s rather like saying 'Women are hopeless drivers". Well, a few truly are. But most can drive just as well as men, if not better.
Stereotyping is ignorance recycled. It has no role on the SDMB.
