Moved out to Kansas CIty about 6 years ago for a job, myhead full of expectations and stereotypes about the area. Having come from a pretty rough little blue collar city in Massachusetts, I figured KC would be like Andy Grifith’s Mayberry in comparison.
Imagine my surprise when I found at that Kansas City has, at times, riviled NYC in murders per capita.
A week after I got here, a coworker told me about the time she had a mugger put a shotgun to her temple in broad daylight.
OK… so that’s the big city.
Of course the quaint little towns will be all super-friendly, right? Wrong. My travels into rural Kansas and MO also haven’t really given me the warm fuzzies like I had heard about. Not so crime-ridden of course, but, IMHO, not all that super friendly, either.
At least not any more friendly than any small town I’ve been in New England.
So what do you think? Is the mid-west really that much friendlier, or is it just a popular myth?
I live in Columbus, Ohio, and whenever I visit the west, especially California I notice that people there are much more rude than in Ohio, and my cousins from California are not very friendly. However, I dont think that there is any difference in rudeness between midwesterners and those living in New England. When I went to New York City I thought that the people there were very nice.
I’ve lived in East-Central Illinois my whole life, and I say: not hardly. I’ve never heard the myth, either. We’re all a bunch of rude bastards around here.
My experience, based on places where I’ve lived, is that people in the Midwest are nicer in general than people in the state of New York. We just went on vacation in New Hampshire, though, and everyone was just as sweet as you please.
So I’m starting to think that people in New York are just assholes.
I have lived and traveled in a lot of places in the US. My experience is that people in the Midwest may sometimes be more courteous, but not necessarily warmer. Oh–and if you look not white, or queer, forget it. Only in the Midwest have I been denied access to gas pumps, told to move on, asked where I was “really” from, not been waited on at restaurants, told directly that “your kind is not welcome here” (college graduates? people with credit cards?) and had items taken from my backpack at airport security and shaken/tinkered with in a way that seemed intended to provoke me so I could be roughed up or cited. All this in jeans or pants, a tee or short sleeved shirt, no puercings except ears, with one pair of earrings on, and a pleasant and respectful manner drummed into me by my southern upbringing.
I’m from central Indiana (Hoosier Hospitality,) and I always thought of my home state as being populated by friendly folks. Occasionally, though, I’ve met folks from Tennessee and Kentucky who thought we were cold-hearted people.
My grandparents took great pains to raise their kids to treat everyone equally. Now their granddaughter (not me, my cousin) is dating a black man and their true feelings are coming out–they think that people should stick with their own race, and they disapprove of the relationship. It’s really painful to see. Honest, a lot of the problem comes from the fact that the Midwest is so whitebread. I still have trouble dealing with my internal feelings about people of different races just because I didn’t grow up with many of them, and I’m not used to being around non-caucasians, and sometimes my first, knee-jerk reactions are pretty shameful. But I try very hard not to let that affect the way I treat anyone.
I guess not everyone does, though. Jerks. I’m so sorry about your experiences.
Well, I’ve never been to the midwest, but I grew up in VT, and traveled a lot in New England, and now live in the Albany, NY area, and I have to say thawt with the exception of a lot of Mass., the ncest folk I’ve encountered are from New England, especially the rural communities. People say helo, they ask you how your day was, answer questions about how to get from here to there (just so you know in advance: you can’t.)
Another odd thing I noticed, the capital region of New York seems to be a million times nicer than the City. I was actually very suprosed when I got here that not all of New Yorkers are jerks.
Out of towner to Mainer: Say, can I take this road to Boston?
Mainer: Ayup. But ah believe they have their own roads dahn theyah.
As a Chicagoan transplanted to Maine, I must say, you really can’t get there from here. Travel in Maine is quite, “circuitous”. Folks are friendly enough. Nicest folks I’ve met have been from Texas, although I’ve never been there.
NE Pennsylvania native here, who spent four years in the Cleveland area before moving to Philadelphia. I learned much more about the differences after I moved back to Pa.
I found Northeast Ohioans **do not chat **with strangers. When I am in a store in Pennsylvania, total strangers will ask me my opinions about items for sale, comment on the weather, comment about my parking, my driving and just about anything else I’m doing at the time. (Of course, the flip side: Pa. peeps will be glad to yell “Asshole!” and flip you the bird when dismayed at your behavior. Watch an Eagles game sometime.) Folks in Ohio pretty much would rather pretend no one was there.
This behavior makes it really hard to get to know anyone in the neighborhood. We lived in the same house in Ohio four years and I knew almost no one when we left. We lived in our new house outside Philly four weeks and I knew half the neighborhood, my kids have been invited to use one neighbor’s pool, another neighbor’s basketball court, another neighbor’s trampoline. Doesn’t matter if they’re home!?!
The first day we lived in the new house, our neighbor across the street pulled out of his driveway at the same time we pulled out of ours. We waved, then he stopped at the corner, got out of his car, came back to ours and introduced himself. Our other neighbor left a letter in our mailbox introducing herself.
Customer service in and around Cleveland is nonexistent. Customers are generally bothering the sales staff, the wait staff or the hotel staff. If my cow orkers were in the middle of a personal conversation, I had just better be prepared to wait until they were done to transact any work-related matter.
I have inlaws who live about an hour from Pittsburgh whose children all went to college in a very small Indiana burgh near Chicago, and their experiences with Ohioans are the same.
And I third the racial comments as well.
Other parts of the Midwest may be friendly. That part ain’t.
I have traveled through many parts of the US, lived in WA State, and Texas, and I was born in GA. I may be a bit biased here, but I found southerners to be more polite than any other region of the country.
I lived in a military town in GA for a while, and the soldiers would always comment on the fact that strangers wave to them from their yards or cars…some would ask why, but most just thought it was cool that people would be that friendly.
I did travel through Illinois, Kansas, and Colorado…I don’t remember them being particularly friendly, but not particularly mean either.
First gas station we passed in WA state had the rudest clerk I’ve ever met though…
An acquaintance of mine recently visited NYC. She and her boyfriend were on the subway and were a little confused about how to find a certain place. One kind gentleman got off before his stop, walked them outside and pointed out where they wanted to go. Then he returned to the subway. Wasn’t that the nicest thing?
This is a personal observation and worth just about what you pay for it.
I’ve run into helpful, friendly people all over. I’ve run into hostile jerks all over, too. If there is a common factor it is that the helpful, friendly people are not worried about being suckered while the hostile ones seem to think that everybody is out to take advantage of them. I’ve been treated well in German and Italian cities and even in NYC. I’ve been treated badly in Des Moines. Go figure.
By and large, however, I get the idea that rural people tend to be more trusting, more willing to help out, and to go out of their way to help, and less hostile because they aren’t looking to take advantage and it never enters their mind that someone may be trying to take advantage of them. Being helpful and friendly, in my experience, is a rural trait sometimes shared by urban people.
As far as racism is concerned, a stranger who resembles you is easier to identify with, less threatening, and less strange than a stranger who is not so much like you. Since the rural Upper Midwest is pretty much all Northern European descended there is a tendency to be a little stand offish toward people who could not pass for fellow Northern Europeans. Not pleasant but a fact. There is a trace of tribalism in the friendliest hick.
ZebWalton–I definitely relate. We’ve lived on this street for 10 years, and we are still not on any terms beyond a casual wave with any of our neighbors. In the house before this one, my family was on slightly freindlier terms with the neighbors, but not much. I’m happy that I’m so much friendlier with “neighbors” while at school!
This thread brings to mind a thought I know I shared with manny, and possibly some other Dopers when in Manhattan last January. I observed that one difference I noted between Houston and NYC was that if I rode on an elevator with you here, chances are better than 50/50 I’d have some kind of conversation with you, albeit relatively meaningless, while in NYC that was unlikely to happen.
Here, we’ll acknowledge each other when passing as total strangers.
But, that said, I didn’t find New Yorkers generally anything but pleasant and helpful, once their cultural parameters regarding stranger interactions were somewhat glomphed on to.
Makes me think of the distinction someone drew above about courtesy v. warmth.
Last Christmas I spent some time trying to tick off all the differences I could between Massachusetts and Kansas to an old friend who’s never really traveled.
The obvious ones were accents, heritage and religions. I forget how blonde and Christian is is out here until I go home and see the difference. You’d almost forget Jews and Italians existed, living out here.
If anything, I can honestly say most native Kansans/ Missourians seem intrigued by other parts of the US. I tell someone I’m originally from Massachusetts and they seem genuinely interested. I tell someone from Boston I live in Kansas and I get a blank stare, like I’m making it up or something. When I tell them we’re an hour behind them here, I honestly expect them to start talking slower to help us catch up.
The one place I keep hearing good things about is Minneapolis. Liberal, open minded town filled with nice people (or so I’ve been told). I know… I know… More stereotypes. Albeit positive ones. Anyone been?
Stereotypes can be helpful when dealing with groups of people but break down when you start dealing with individuals.
For instance, my mom is originally from Manhattan and despite some of her prejudices, will generally chat with anyone friendly looking. My dad, on the other hand, is from rural Tennessee and while friendly enough to those he knows, is stand-offish.
I, much like my dad, am Southern, born and raised, and would rather just pretend you don’t exist as talk to you if I were with you in an elevator or passing you in a hallway. I’m not so rude as to ignore you if f waved at, greeted, or something, but I don’t want to be your friend either.
All three of us are the opposite of the stereotypes most would put us in.
I’m so sorry about your experiences.