Are there any advantages to having a baby face?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’ve had a baby face all my life, and until recently it was neither a positive nor a negative. Now that I’m in my early 40s, though, it seems to be an annoyance in nearly every aspect of my life.

Work: Most people think I’m in my late 20s, which means that when they meet me in a professional setting they assume I don’t have much experience. I’m mature enough to let my knowledge and competence speak for themselves, but because I don’t look like a “grownup” I repeatedly have to prove myself and establish that I know what I’m talking about – and that, no, I’m not an administrative assistant (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy with my career and I wouldn’t say that my appearance has held me back, but being a woman in my industry can be hard enough: looking young on top of that is definitely not an advantage.

Relationships: When I meet someone, I always have to wonder whether it will matter when he finds out how old I am (because sometimes it does). And on the other hand, some guys don’t give me a second thought because they assume that I’m too young for them…which particularly stings because I tend to prefer men who are 5-10 years older than me. (This is one area where online dating has an advantage: ages are disclosed up front!)

Music: I’m a working jazz singer, and the disadvantages here are similar to the “Work” ones. Also, I feel kind of guilty whenever some established local legend – or even an older audience member – says something like, “It’s wonderful to see someone so young doing this!” I don’t want to encourage a misconception, but I also don’t necessarily want to go through the “I’m actually 41” song and dance (in the grand scheme of things 41 is young, but it’s always clear that they think I’m much younger). It really does happen quite frequently.

Basically, I can’t think of a single benefit to looking the way I do. And every time another woman – because it’s always a woman – tells me that she wishes she had my “problem,” I have to stifle the urge to ask her what advantage she thinks it would give her. I also tired of hearing how much I’ll appreciate it when I’m 50-60: frankly, I don’t see how things will be any different then.

Can any baby-faced Dopers in their 50s-60s assure me that I will appreciate it someday? Am I simply too focused on the frustrations? Are there advantages to my baby face that I’m overlooking?

2

There is if you’re up against Neanderthals:

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](Neoteny | Zoology for IAS, IFoS and other competitive exams)

So go on and win the evolutionary race!

3

Maybe if you wanted to pick up babies

4

For a guy, it’s easier to keep a beard trimmed in a nice, round shape if you have a nice, round face: just get the clippers out and cut it off at 1/4" and you’re done. Might not be much help to you as you seem to be female, but I thought I’d toss it out there.

5

62 year old former babyface male here. At age 30 I still looked and sounded like 16, and being only 5’7 didn’t help things. For me, it was nothing but a curse until my mid 50’s, when it started becoming a blessing. Naturally, the effect began to diminish about the same time. I’m told I still look maybe five years younger than actual; If I’m like my parents (both of whom were quite young-looking), I’ll look my actual age in about five years.

6

You’ll be able to lose weight without aging significantly in the face.

7

There are if you’re an African-American male CEO.

8

“Stay young”, has evolved into my current motto. As I get older.

Better to look 30 at 40 then 50 don’t you think?

9

if you find yourself in danger of drowning, you’re more likely to be rescued than the other person.

10

The big thing is that you are nigh universally thought of as more attractive than your peers, and that comes with a lot of perks. You are assumed to be nicer. You are assumed to be more trustworthy. You are more likely to get favors, and not just from men. There’s a core level of competency you are assumed to have.

Furthermore, since you are assumed to be younger, all aspects of maturity come off as that much more impressive. Sure, you may have to work a little harder to be taken seriously in the office, but the mere fact that you have that type of job is impressive outside the workplace.

You say that it discourages the men at the age you are interested in, but you have more men total who are interested in you. Many women your age aren’t worried about telling their boyfriend about their age–because they can’t find anyone to date at all. Your at the age where many single women are actively trying to seduce much younger men, because all the men their age want younger women. I think you overestimate how many men you turn off.

Plus, how proactive are you on that front, anyways? I can see someone who thought you were in your twenties being turned off by thinking they don’t have a chance or assuming that you are too immature, but once they know your age? Once a fifty-year-old guy knows you’re forty, I can’t imagine it being anything but a blessing. (Heck, how well you are aging is something I look for all the time, and I’m only 27.)

I do wonder if there are perhaps some things you can do to look older. I know it’s possible for makeup to make you look older–teenagers pull it off all the time. I also know that how you dress can make a big difference. Being conservative in fashion helps a whole lot. Hairstyle can help, too. Older style glasses. In fact, I honestly think that it’d be easier to make yourself look older than younger.

Well, I’m starting to ramble here, so I’ll shut up. I’m not a woman, and the only women I’ve ever met who looked younger than they are all enjoyed it, and I never asked them why. But I felt you needed some of these types of answers, rather than just small benefits.

11

I think it’s finally wearing off now that I’m almost 40, but if I’m wearing a hat (balding dood here), and meet new people, they think I’m kidding when I tell them my age.

I prefer it, though. I still feel and act like I’m 16 most of the time, so when I hang out with people 10/15 years younger than me, I meld right in, and feel comfortable. Also, being in the creative field, it helps for any younger peers I work with to accept me more immediately.

It rarely affects me negatively, but in cases where maturity and first impressions matter on more formal/professional occasions, I notice a bit of underestimation or subtle condescension if I come across to them as too young or am not dressed more “seriously.” Doesn’t bother me much though, on the rare occasion when I can tell I’m judged on outward appearances, I’m pretty laid back.

12

How did it become a blessing?

I never said/implied that I’d like to look older than I am. :slight_smile:

I haven’t found any of the above to be true.

What? Did you read my post? :confused: Exactly the opposite is actually true.

As I implied in the “music” paragraph, I hate that. I have no interest in pretending to be an exceptional 25-year-old when I’m actually just a slightly-above-average 41-year-old.

Which doesn’t mean a thing if I’m not interested in them.

You overlooked the part where I said that I prefer to date men who are 5-10 years older than me. Plus, the men who want younger women aren’t the men who I want to date.

I didn’t provide an estimate. It’s a simple fact that some men in my desired age range will overlook me because they assume that I’m too young for them.

Umm, the normal amount of proactive? I don’t go around wearing a shirt that says, “I’m 41,” so it doesn’t come up unless age gets brought up some other way.

Yeah, I already do all of that.

Finally, an actual benefit! :slight_smile:

13

From my late teens to mid-30’s, being told I “looked like a kid” was irritating at best, and usually was a disparaging insult (often intentionally so). It had a negative impact on my professional career; rightly or wrongly, for many people my looking and sounding very young didn’t instill confidence. Fortunately for me, I happened to be very good at my job, with an appropriately good reputation that preceded me, and over time my appearance became less of an issue.
By my 40’s, I no longer resembled a teenager, and “You look so young!” was more of an inoffensive but unnecessary statement of the obvious. Made little difference to me-- I was still very damned tired of hearing it.

Mid-50’s is when “You look so good for your age” finally became an unequivocable compliment, and now at 62, my (unspoken) reaction is “Eat your heart out. Bwah ha-ha-haaa…”

14

Actually, if you’re black in general. 5 Random Factors That Determine Whether You Succeed In Life.

15

Yeah, that’s pretty much where I’m at now.

Being mistaken for a teenager when I was in my 20s wasn’t that big of a deal (except for the occasional bouncer who thought my ID was a fake), and looking 20-something when I was 30-something wasn’t too annoying, but for some reason being 41 and looking like I’m under 30 bugs me way more often.

Ahh, ok. So you’re saying that by your mid-50s you looked enough like a grownup that your basic competence was no longer routinely in question, and you could simply take comments about your appearance as a compliment? I never imagined a day when that would happen!

I should have, though, because I see it happen to my mom: she’s 64, and people routinely think she’s in her late 40s/early 50s. She was recently hospitalized, and several nurses thought we were sisters because she looked too young to have an adult daughter.

16

As you can see in this list of people known asThe Baby-faced Assasin, it can be an advantage in competitive situations. The incongruity of a boxer with a pretty face and a punch like a mule kick is a big psychological advantage. I prefer my opponents in life to underestimate me. You can use it to your advantage in some circumstances.

I don’t really see how it’s a disadvantage in dating, unless you’re only immature guys approach you. I would think guys your own age would be delighted with your youthful appearance.

17

I was just going to post this. How many 42 year old guys just hate it that their GF looks like a 30 year old hot bod? They would rather see the wrinkles and gray hair starting? :confused:

18

Yes, although more to the point (I think) is that I’d arrived at the age where looking young is an enviable good thing. To some people, anyway.

FWIW, my mother is now 85 and still looks at least five years younger. Dad looked ten years younger than actual until his early 60’s. He rather suddenly began looking his age, a few years before dying at 67.

19

I’m no hot bod. On a good day I’m cute, but definitely not hot. :slight_smile:

It’s not the actual dating, it’s the meeting: lots of men in their 40s/50s are either (a) looking for someone to have kids with (my appearance doesn’t affect my interest in being a parent, but it does affect the perception that I’m of low-risk-pregnancy age), or (b) not interested in dating anyone over 35. Like I said in my OP, when someone who’s been flirting with me finds out my age, sometimes it matters. Not always, but often enough that I always hold back a little until our respective ages comes up.

(There seems to be perception that I’m claiming to have a hard time dating, or that I can’t find any men my age or older who want to date me. Quite the opposite; in fact, I’m currently in a pleasantly complicated situation with a 50-year-old. I’m just saying that when it comes to dating, having a baby face is an annoyance that most other people don’t even have to think about. Heck, I didn’t really have to think about it until I crossed the “over 35” line that some men seem to care so much about.)

There’s hardly a single person on either side of my family who looks his/her age – going back at least to my grandparents, none of whom looked their respective age when they died.

20

That guy ( Clarence Otis) doesn’t look especially baby-faced to me.