Hypothetical situation:
A woman lives in a country where arranged marriage is the norm. She doesn’t want to enter an arranged marriage, but it looks like her family will force her to. Are there any charities that help women in these circumstances? Would she qualify for refugee status in any country? Does anybody have any other ideas?
It would be extremely difficult for women in repressive countries to contact the charities for help, since they’re not allowed to leave the house alone in many cases. Secondly, the woman would have to be willing to sever any ties to her family, because in many cases, they would never forgive her for bringing shame to their family. Thirdly, she would have to have the resources to begin a new life in another area, something which isn’t cheap. (Most charities probably couldn’t afford to help many women.) Lastly, many arranged marriages are done when the women are still technically children. To remove them from their parents would be kidnapping.
All that aside, despite how abhorrent it is to modern Western culture, an arranged marriage is not the end of the world. Most of the time, the parties learn to get along and live pretty good lives. Some of them even come to love one another over time. Yes, there are cases where women are given to abusive partners, but not all men in these cultures are abusive: many cherish and respect their wives.
It’s a practice which has existed for thousands of years. Marrying for love is an abberation, actually, something which has emerged relatively recently in human existance. I’m not saying arranged marriages are “right” or “wrong”-- I’m just saying that it’s not as abominable as we Westerners sometimes imagine. We think it’s horrid because we’ve been socialized to believe strongly in free choice, but the people within those cultures don’t feel that way. Many girls probably look forward to their arranged marriages because they’ve been raised to do so.
And why just the women? In a lot of the countries that have arranged marriages, it’s not like the guy has a choice either. Sure, there’s some places where a family can more or less sell a girl to a guy, but in others, the two respective set of parents make the deal, and both the guy and the girl just gotta hope they’ll get along.
Several of my coworkers are Indian, now living in Canada. For them, marriage was a little like a job interview process - the arrangement wasn’t made when they were kids, but as adults, when they were ready to marry. In their cases (and I know that this is true for at least 4 different couples) the families of the men lined up a series of several women, and they met each individually, for a short period of time. Once the man had made his choice, the woman was in all cases allowed to refuse, but generally they don’t. Basically, husband and wife met for the first time within a few weeks of marriage.
I still am not 100% comfortable with this way of doing things, but it basically seems like (baring violence or abuse) the couples end up with a good co-worker type situation at worst, and love at best. Culturally, they are much less inclined to consider divorce, so often petty and frivolous peeves either become ignored or resolved, while it seems that in North America, people get divorced for pretty much anything.
The interesting thing is that in almost all the cases I know, the wives are more likely to say they want their children to follow the traditional marriage path for their culture, while the men are more likely to accept the fact that children raised (and in many cases born!) in North America are more likely to choose the marry-for-love route. Somehow, I would have thought it would be the other way around. But then, this is a very small sample size!
I wouldn’t (and didn’t) choose this path - I married for love (gah, if my parents had selected a spouse, I’d likely feel like I was married to my dad, AND I’ve have to cook for myself!) but it doesn’t seem like the horrible option I thought it was before meeting these coworkers. Of course, their experiences aren’t necessarily typical of all cultures, but still, it isn’t all bad!
As mnemosyne points out, you need to distinguish between arranged marriages and forced marriages.
In general, activities against forced marriages are going to be centered in women’s-rights NGOs. (As Athena notes, forced marriage can be a burden on men too, but men in such heavily patriarchal cultures usually have more choice and independence than women do.) You could look for such an organization that works in the country you’re interested in.
In the long run, what’s needed is to support education for girls and economic independence for women. These tend to be what give women the economic power to overcome repressive structures like forced marriage.
In the short term, if you know a person who’s threatened by a forced marriage, I would guess their only option would be to contact a local human-rights NGO and ask for help. Local law enforcement officials are usually pretty sluggish when it comes to interfering with such “traditional” practices, even if they’re technically illegal.
Pretty much what needs to be said has been said.
Arranged marriages are not usually enforceable by law, but the threat of “you’ll never see your family again, you’ll be considered unmarriagable and you’ll have to make a living someplace where women have a very limited role in the economy” is a strong one. The answer to this isn’t working to abolish arranged marriages, it is to provide ways for single women to make a living and have a good role in society.
I’ve met some women in horrible, heart-wrenching situations because of arranged marriages. In all of their cases they were married quite young and frankly wouldn’t have known where to begin challenging the life set out before them. They could leave, but they’d lose their kids and would be put basically alone in a world where a single female really has no place.
I also know plenty of arranged marriages that are working out great. It’s not like our system is all that fabulous, either. Having the person you want to fuck when your 20 as your life partner and parent to your children isn’t always the best way. Generally families work hard to find well-employed, personality matched partners. Often the pool of “suitable” partners is relatively small to begin with and the parents will have a good idea of who is favored. Everyone in the world tends to date within their religion, ethnicity, location, class and economic level. With the Internet, the marriage arrangement world is opening up a lot (marriage sites are HUGE) and people are taking a much more active role in things, with the parents acting more as facilitators, chaperones and advisors than dictators.
In the case of India, at least, mindset plays a role. One of the aspects of “dharma” is that you will do your job well and do a good job in your social station. If your caste is a merchant, it’s a religious duty to be the best darn merchant you can be (contrast this with America, where if you are a merchant your social expectation is that you will work hard to gain riches, own companies, and rise up as far as you can). If you are married to someone, it is your duty to be the best husband and wife you can be. The idea of becoming more happy by changing your life and making more choices is not as prominent.
India also has a concept of romantic love after marriage. In American movies, the movie always ends with the wedding- as if the rest is just a void. In India, it’s not uncommon to see a romantic comedy with a married couple as the star. Family is WAY more important there- more important than friends, more important than career, more important than riches. And the social ideal is spouses as best friends and romantic lovers for life.
As for asylum, that can be hard to get in these situations. You have to be able to prove that you will be thrown in jail for a long time, badly injured or killed if you go back. It was a struggle to get female circumcision on the 'reasons for asylum list", and that involved a clear physical violation. Merely being unhappy or unmarriagable or economically bad off most likely won’t do it- after all, a good chunk of the world can claim that.
Okay, specific situation
The girl in question is 19 and really does not want to get married. She has said she is considering suicide. I know that not all arranged marriages are bad, but I think if a woman would rather die than be in an aaranged marriage, perhaps marriage isn’t what’s best for her.
I mainly want to know what her rights are in Kuwait. Does her family not need her consent to marry her to someone, or is she free to disregard her family’s wishes?