This morning I was driving in LA and searching the radio for something to listen to. I was therefore subjected to the horror that is the Morning Drive Time Radio Show.
Every one of these things is identical. They used to involve one or two people but are now almost always three retards, two male and one female, babbling endlessly about nothing and laughing as hard as they can physically manage at every single comment. All the alleged “jokes” are about the basest and least funny things possible, and every once in awhile they’ll throw in an imitation of a celebrity that really sounds nothing like a celebrity.
But what really gets me is how they laugh at every single statement. These college dropouts are so conditioned to the rule that they have to laugh at their own jokes to make the listener think something funny has happened that they reflexively laugh any time there’s a pause in conversation, even if the preceding comment was not funny - in fact, even if the preceding comment wasn’t MEANT to be funny. So this morning I actually heard this, which I’m transcribing as accurately as I can:
Guest: So then I asked my wife to go to Subway, and she said she’d be back by 7:30.
Three Retards: AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
Guest: Um, but then she wasn’t back until 8.
Tri-Speds: AH HA HA HA!! OH, HO HO HO! SNORT, GIGGLE! HA HA HA!
Guest: Anyway, she also got me some chips.
Tres Idiotas: HA HA HAAAAAAAAAA!
Guest: Then we watched some TV.
A Trio of Numpties: HA HA HA HA LOL!!!111
Oh, and somewhere in there some jokes were then told at the expense of the allegedly loose morals of the female radio host, which is part of the script on every one of these shows.
This mundane and completely unfunny story was followed by a “press conference” by “George Bush.” The person imitating Bush sounded nothing whatsoever like him; he kind of sounded like Seth Green. No funny jokes were told. This “imitation” staggered on for six or seven minutes, a truly excruciating period of time when nothing being said is the least bit funny. Every sentence was punctuacted by the drei idioten: “BWAAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAHAHA!!!”
I travel on business a lot and have had the misfortune to hear a lot of these morning teams before I finally manage to find either NPR or a Robo-80s station like “Jack FM” or “Bob FM” or whatever they call it in the market I’m in. Morning show hosts are all exactly the same, and none of them are funny. They suck donkey cocks. Fuck morning radio show hosts.