Are there public places where a woman should not breastfeed her child?

In My Humble Opinion
41

[QUOTE=WhyNot]
Breastfeeding should be the default assumption*, and that means frequent feeds and normalizing breastfeeding wherever that baby happens to be.
*With understanding and compassion to those who can’t manage it, of course (again, like me - had to go with half formula and half pumped milk for both my kids, dammit). But bottle feeding is just *not *just as good. I wish we’d stop pretending that breast milk provides *advantages *in health and development and just admit that bottle feeding presents disadvantages. It’s a semantic game, but a significant one, I think. A colostomy bag is not as good as a fully functioning colon, and a bottle is not as good as a breast. But now I think I’ve fallen off the topic…
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Do you mean bottle feeding itself is inferior, or formula is inferior? There are TONS of folks who pump and bottle feed the breast milk when mother’s breast is not available, or to let dad in on the action. The theater is one of the times that one should consider pumping and bottle feeding, or simply accepting that an infant is going to cramp your style for a couple of years.

As much as Little Mermaid is sort of a “Disney on ice” type of show, people pay big money to go, and have the right to expect not only top notch performances, but appropriate behavior by the patrons. My wife worked on Beauty and the Beast, which preceded LM in that theater. One thing she always tried to keep in her mind was that this show was probably a BIG EVENT for a large number of the audience. It’s a big expense, and for many tourists, will be the only Broadway show they get to see in their lives.

42

[QUOTE=Cheesesteak]
Do you mean bottle feeding itself is inferior, or formula is inferior? There are TONS of folks who pump and bottle feed the breast milk when mother’s breast is not available, or to let dad in on the action. The theater is one of the times that one should consider pumping and bottle feeding, or simply accepting that an infant is going to cramp your style for a couple of years.

[/QUOTE]

If it’s appropriate to bottle feed an infant in a particular location, then it’s appropriate to breastfeed. I’m with those that don’t feel that the theater is an appropriate location for an infant to be in the first place, though.

Mostly, though, I just wanted to tell everyone how happy I am about the fact that this thread is one of the most sane and rational discussions on the topic of public breastfeeding that I think I have ever seen on the Internet.

I’ve done quite a lot of public breastfeeding over the past several years, and I’ve found that in general, even people who are initially uncomfortable when they realize what I’m doing get over it pretty quickly once they realize that 1) nothing is being “whipped out”, 2) hardly anything is visible, apart from the baby’s head, and 3) it’s really not a huge deal. Babies have to eat. This is how a lot of people feed their babies. It’s no big whoop.

43

[QUOTE=Cheesesteak]
Do you mean bottle feeding itself is inferior, or formula is inferior? There are TONS of folks who pump and bottle feed the breast milk when mother’s breast is not available, or to let dad in on the action.
[/QUOTE]

Both. The suckle from the breast takes a lot of work, which helps with the development of the oral musculature. This leads to better speech development. The breast stops the flow of milk when not actively pressed (after the initial letdown spurt), so it’s easier for babies, especially preemies, to learn the suckle, swallow, breathe sequence which prevents choking than with a bottle or cup, which keeps dripping milk even when the baby’s not suckling on it. There is less air intake with a breast, which means less stomach upset and spitting up.

Despite the labels, most bottles are nothing like the breast in their mechanics. There was one bottle on the market which really did have a very close suckle to a breast, and my daughter’s speech pathologist was super-duper excited to see the vast leap forward she made when I put her on that bottle, but it’s one of the BPA containing ones now, and the nipples won’t fit BPA-free bottles.

In addition, some of the nutrients in milk start to break down almost immediately when stored, and many of the antibodies disappear within a few hours. It’s theoretically possible, although I don’t think we know yet, that some of those nutrients are the ones responsible for proper brain development, weight control and diabetes prevention that are associated with breastfeeding. As far as I know, no one has tested pump and bottle feeding alongside formula and breastfeeding.

So yes, I’m saying that *even *bottle feeding pumped milk is not as good as getting in straight from the source. But it’s generally still better than bottle feeding formula. I did pump and bottle about half and half with formula myself, because my kids wouldn’t take it from the breast, but I don’t see any reason to think it was exactly just as good as breastfeeding.

44

THE LITTLE MERMAID seems to bring out all kinds of bad audience behavior from people who think that because they paid for tickets, theirs is the only experience that matters and everyone around them be damned. Over the weekend a mother brought her young child to the show and both of them proceeded to yell and scream and talk back to the performers and when asked by other audience members to be quiet or leave, the mom cursed at them and gave them the finger. Just because children may be allowed does not mean you can act in a disruptive manner.

Babies should not be brought into a theatre in any case. If they are young enough to be breastfed, they will have no interest in or concept of the show onstage anyway.

45

**Are there public places where a woman should not breastfeed her child? **

Porno theatres. The mom is likely to draw a crowd, some hoping to see a breast, some who want to listen to the suckling sound.

Plexi Guy mentioned a strip club. All the dancers would gather round to oo and coo at the baby, leaving the customers with no one to flirt with.

46

[QUOTE=NinjaChick]
As for breastfeeding, I personally see no reason why it can’t be done in relative private. Step into a restroom, your car, or better yet: just wait until you’re back home/in your hotel room or whatever. If you can’t avoid going out with an infant for an extended period of time, just use bottles, and the problem is solved. At the very least, use a blanket or something to cover up what’s going on. I fully expect to be flamed for this, but breastfeeding is gross. I have no desire to see someone’s milk-swollen boob, and I also have no desire to see a living organism sucking on another’s bodily fluids, because…ew.

Someplace that is not appropriate at all is when you and your infant are crammed in the middle seat in coach on a plane. It’s a two hour flight for god’s sake, it can wait!
[/QUOTE]

Ideally I think breastfeeding should be done in relative privacy. I never mastered the art of doing it and not flashing everyone around me, so I only did it at home, in lactation rooms at places like Babies R Us or when I remembered to bring a blanket to cover myself.

That said, it’s not as easy as just waiting. And the problem isn’t just “solved” for everyone when bottles are used - it may be for the baby (provided they’re willing to accept a bottle - some nursing babies refuse), but not for the mom. If you’re nursing and decide to wait, not only do you leak, it can really hurt. Additionally, having had to nurse in a restroom, I can tell you that I’d prefer never, ever to have to do that again. It was disgusting (women can be much sloppier in the bathroom than men), it was loud and given that my son took an hour per session, I really would have preferred NOT to sit in a stall for an hour.

I’m not sure what the solution is. I’d advocate for the thin blanket, but I think it would be wrong to say flippantly, “Just stay home” or “Just wait.” That said, I don’t think it’s a great idea to take a kid that small to the theater - not only can it be very loud and therefore kind of scary to a tiny child, you might spend the entire time in the reception area anyway if your kid gets fussy. Still, nursing really isn’t that easy as just waiting or using bottles, though it’s not always apparent if you’ve never lactated.

47

[QUOTE=Eyebrows 0f Doom]

Babies should not be brought into a theatre in any case. If they are young enough to be breastfed, they will have no interest in or concept of the show onstage anyway.
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This is not true. My daughter is almost 2.5 years old, if my wife wasn’t pregnant she would almost certainly still be nursing. I don’t know how old the child in the OP is, but it is possible that they were 2 or older and still nursing and able to enjoy the show. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t take my daughter to such a show, but that’s only because she couldn’t be quite enough.

48

Oh, and FTR, a very small infant cannot “just wait” two hours for a feeding. Unless you’d rather hear a shrieking, hungry child for the two-hour flight than have to experience the nightmare scenario of a mother quietly nursing her infant in her seat, that is.

49

[QUOTE=NinjaChick]
Someplace that is not appropriate at all is when you and your infant are crammed in the middle seat in coach on a plane. It’s a two hour flight for god’s sake, it can wait!
[/QUOTE]

:eek:

So I’m guessing you’ve never actually taken care of a baby for longer than was required for its mother to go to and from the bathroom, right? I mean, gods of earth & air, were you raised in some sort of virtual reality creche?

50

I agree that there are two issues here–where a baby should be, and where a baby can feed.

The reality is, when you’re a parent, you can’t take a baby everywhere and that means either finding a trusted caregiver when you go to those places, or not going to those places until the child is older.

For practical, sane, and biological purposes, a baby ought to be able to breastfeed anywhere a baby would be bottlefed. In the U.S., however, attitudes about breasts and lactation are not that straightforward–I know moms who won’t nurse in, say, church, or at their older kid’s soccer practice, and I understand why. I wouldn’t either (well, except maybe at the UU church), although I lament that so many of us feel that way. There what should be, and there’s what is.

I think AskNott’s response is brilliant–I heartily agree.

51

I would first say that no one should be bringing an infant to a theater in the first place, but I would also say that any place which is appropriate to bring a baby is appropriate for breast feeding. That’s what breasts are for. That anyone is uncormfortable with it is a reflection on how much some societies have pathologized the human body.

For anyone who has a problem with it, I would point out that you have this think in between your head and your shoulders called a neck. It can actually turn your head away from the boobies if it’s upsetting you so much.

52

[QUOTE=NinjaChick]
I agree that, unless it’s some sort of Shakespeare in the Park-esque performance or a designated children’s show, no child under the age of, say, eight or nine belongs in a theater. Kids are not just very small adults, they’re kids, and lots of stuff is not kid-appropriate.

As for breastfeeding, I personally see no reason why it can’t be done in relative private. Step into a restroom, your car, or better yet: just wait until you’re back home/in your hotel room or whatever. If you can’t avoid going out with an infant for an extended period of time, just use bottles, and the problem is solved. At the very least, use a blanket or something to cover up what’s going on. I fully expect to be flamed for this, but breastfeeding is gross. I have no desire to see someone’s milk-swollen boob, and I also have no desire to see a living organism sucking on another’s bodily fluids, because…ew.

Someplace that is not appropriate at all is when you and your infant are crammed in the middle seat in coach on a plane. It’s a two hour flight for god’s sake, it can wait!
[/QUOTE]

Look at this. A condescending, uninformed lecture from someone who’s never been a parent. Those of us with kids never get tired of that.

FYI, it cannot fucking wait two hours. Babies don’t work that way. And I can guarantee you, that you’d rather have a baby nursing discreetly and quietly on that plane than having it scream its head off (and please don’t insult nursing mothers by suggesting that they should have to take their infants into a cramped, uncomfortable airplane can [which also impedes others who might have more pressing business to attend to in thos facilities, by the way] to do something which the baby needs, which is completely appropriate and natural and which hurts you not at all)

If you don’t like it, don’t look. Problem solved.

53

[QUOTE=AskNott]
Porno theatres. The mom is likely to draw a crowd, some hoping to see a breast, some who want to listen to the suckling sound.

Plexi Guy mentioned a strip club. All the dancers would gather round to oo and coo at the baby, leaving the customers with no one to flirt with.
[/QUOTE]

I was going to mention: Outside the Sex Offender Treatment Facility.

54

I agree with the rule that if a baby is welcome then breastfeeding is okay as well. But a blanket is appreciated in situations where I am also a paying customer and cannot easily just get up and move elsewhere. If I’m at Starbucks with a casual acquaintance, yes, to be honest it is a bit awkward for me if the woman at the next table has her blouse open.

55

[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic]
I would first say that no one should be bringing an infant to a theater in the first place, but I would also say that any place which is appropriate to bring a baby is appropriate for breast feeding. That’s what breasts are for. That anyone is uncormfortable with it is a reflection on how much some societies have pathologized the human body.

For anyone who has a problem with it, I would point out that you have this think in between your head and your shoulders called a neck. It can actually turn your head away from the boobies if it’s upsetting you so much.
[/QUOTE]

I’ll be damned– I completely agree. I can’t even imagine a scenario where I’d become annoyed by someone breastfeeding in front of me. Even if it were in a boardroom , I might be wondering ‘Huh, why didn’t she do that before? Why the hell’s the baby even here?’ but I’d figure there was a good reason for it, so what the hell.

56

I think the vast majority of nursing mothers (at least in the US) make some attempt to be discrete. They sit in a secluded corner, they use blankets or shawls, etc. In many (if not most) cases, the other people in the McDonalds or the Starbucks never even realize there’s anything going on.

If there are women who just blithely expose everything to everybody without a thought, then I haven’t been fortunate enough to encounter them. Most nursing mothers don’t want people staring at them.

57

I would no more tell someone to nurse a child in a public ladies room than I would eat lunch in one. That is nasty.

A friend of mine was once in my office with her baby, discretely nursing her under a blanket. A contractor came, saw what was going on, turned red as a tomato, apologized profusely, and walked out. It was the type of reaction I would have expected if he came in and found us naked having sex on my desk, not for a descretely breastfeeding mother.

58

[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic]
Look at this. A condescending, uninformed lecture from someone who’s never been a parent. Those of us with kids never get tired of that.

FYI, it cannot fucking wait two hours. Babies don’t work that way. And I can guarantee you, that you’d rather have a baby nursing discreetly and quietly on that plane than having it scream its head off (and please don’t insult nursing mothers by suggesting that they should have to take their infants into a cramped, uncomfortable airplane can [which also impedes others who might have more pressing business to attend to in thos facilities, by the way] to do something which the baby needs, which is completely appropriate and natural and which hurts you not at all)

If you don’t like it, don’t look. Problem solved.
[/QUOTE]

God, it’s weird agreeing with you, but lord knows I do.

Also, with the plane scenario, I have no children myself but understand that there are additional issues in that 1) like a cow, you have to nurse or it will hurt, and 2) a crying baby will make you spring a leak. My mom says she used to hate it when an ambulance drove by because her body thought it was a hungry baby.

Seriously, NinjaChick, wtf?

ETA - and with regards to the “go to the bathroom!” criticism, not only are people in need of actually using the bathroom, but would you want to go in there to eat your lunch? Would it not weird you out to walk into a ladies’ room and see a mother feeding her older baby a jar of baby food?

59

[QUOTE=NinjaChick]
I fully expect to be flamed for this, but breastfeeding is gross. I have no desire to see someone’s milk-swollen boob, and I also have no desire to see a living organism sucking on another’s bodily fluids, because…ew.
[/QUOTE]
No flaming here, but I have to say I don’t understand this at all. Do you feel the same way when you see a cow in a field with it calf nursing? What about a cat feeding her baby kittens? Is that “ew” as well, or is it only gross when humans do it?

As others have said, not really. Young babies eat all the time. And they don’t get hungry on a schedule. If they decide they are hungry, they will cry and cry, even if you just fed them half an hour ago.

60

I think it is much better she breastfeed the child than allow it to get cranky.

Did the Mom have other kids in tow or just the infant?

If she brought older kids, I see nothing she did wrong. If she came with only the infant, I do question her judgement a bit. However, as it was a Disney production I think lesser standards are in place.

I would never bring an infant or very young child to a broadway show, but that is me. If I was at one of the Disney plays, I would not be that surprised.

I recall bringing my kids to see Fantasia 2000. My son was an infant, but we went to an afternoon matinee. The couple in front of us were vocally miffed that my kids were noisy during the movie. I was miffed back and finally told them to “Either shutup or move, it’s a Disney Matinee not an evening movie”. The worst part was the theater was half empty at most.

They did finally move after giving me a few more dirty looks.

Jim