Maybe you should be asking, “Are women rude to waitresses?”.
I was a waitress for years, so I am, of course, NEVER rude to waitresses and I have no memory of them being rude to me. The only memory I have of any server truly annoying me was a young guy of the frat boy variety who clearly thought me and my friends were irretrievably dorky for talking about Star Trek (to each other, not him).
I don’t remember having any particular problem with female customers, but my overall impression is that women need a little more attention. I am more likely to send things back or remind servers of forgotten request than most of the people I dine out with too.
So the waitresses in question are younger and/or better looking then these friends and they take their insecurities out on them? Your description makes them sound jealous, and unless they’re interested in you and upset by the attention the hapless waitresses are paying to you, it sounds like they simply don’t like being around cute young things other people pay attention to so they’re looking to find fault where there’s little provocation. I know women like that too.
Anyway, I’ve had a few waitresses that were inept, but never one that was rude.
Female customers are far more difficult to please in a service industry setting. They are far more likely to be needy, want separate checks, complain about the charges, grill staff about every ingredient or special, ask for exceptions to rules on the menu, far pickier about the temperature lighting and volume of their environment, and no matter how long they get are much more likely to always need more time to order.
When eating with my family I swear every server that takes care of us thinks my mom is a secret shopper.
I’ve noticed eating out with my husband that he doesn’t notice attitudes from female wait staff nearly as easily as I do (either good or bad). I think as a hetero guy he’s much more willing to give women the benefit of the doubt than I am, too - there’s millions of years of evolution at play there.
Speaking solely in the interest of science, it wouldn’t be right to just take your word for it. So, what restaurant did this happen at?
I’ve had a couple of rude servers in my life too. However, it’s not JUST waiters or JUST waitresses, I’ve had rude experiences with both. Usually I get pretty good service, though, from both sexes. I do get some male servers flirting with me, but hey, I’m sure they flirt with just about every female they serve.
Yes, check it out, but I don’t think it’s worth paying for. I bought it at a 3 for the price of 2 sale, and I overpaid, I think. It’s worth reading, but not re-reading. I think that the author is definitely biased, so you won’t get the actual truth, but it’s an interesting book.
Most of the obviously rude times have been when I was with a group of women. From speaking to my friends who were/are waitresses, groups of women have a reputation for being difficult or lousy tippers. IMO, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy because I tip the same as my husband (usually 20%).
As for some examples, one time our tennis team went to lunch after a match. As we passed, the waitress looked up and down at our outfits and rolled her eyes. (I could see her in the mirror.) Doubt she’d have done that for a group of men in baseball uniforms.
Another time, a waitress served us our meals, gave us our checks, and then disappeared from our area (the patio) entirely. We waited and waited. After 45 minutes passed, my friend finally got up and found the manager to hunt down our waitress. She returned, but never apologized for the wait. Instead, she acted all miffed at US. “I didn’t realize that you ladies would need change.” Part of me thinks that she completely forgot about us and was unhappy about being called out on it, but another part of me thinks that she thought that if she stalled enough, we’d get tired of waiting and throw a $20 on a $12 check, so that we could leave. Her tip that day was $1, the only time I can recall being so ticked off that I reduced the tip.
And then there was the 20ish waitress who repeatedly called me, “Hon.” “What can I get you to drink, hon?” “Hon, would you like grated parmesan on that?” Note that she didn’t call my husband that, just me. I don’t suppose that she was trying to be rude, but it came across as extremely condescending. Even my husband bristled.
Hmmm. I can only think of two incidents with truly catty-bitchy female servers.
The first was a 40-ish Spanish woman who was obviously flirting with my husband. I happen to know that she was a family member of the restaurant’s owner.
The second was a young blonde waitress who looked at me and then asked my date, “so does she get a child’s menu?”
Never had a problem with a waitress. My friends and I frequent the same couple of places, the waitresses kind of know us and are very pleasant. They’ll even stop by and chat a bit, very friendly. I think servers have a hard job, I make sure I too am pleasant, and I tip well.
I have been treated a bit shabbily by young twats of either gender who seem miffed they are stuck inside, waiting on boring middle aged people on a hot summer day, instead of out with their friends. This is quite noticeable on holidays. “Dude. I can’t go to the beach. I gotta WORK that day.” 
The only server who was downright rude to me was the waiter in a restaurant my then fiance and I went to, downtown, after work. Most of the dining couples at other tables were men. The waiter really fawned over my fiance outrageously, describing the specials, the preparation of the peppercorn steak, the wines (hilariously wasted effort as my beau was exclusively a burgers n’ fries man). Me? I got a sneer and a snippy “so what do YOU want?” Much later, fiance, who was socially as dense as a block of African ironwood, said, “Sali…is it me, or was there something kind of ‘off’ about that restaurant? I can’t put my finger on it, but…” 
Back when I was a waitress, I believe I treated men and women the same, but as a customer, I’ve occasionally had a waitress treat my male friend like a visiting potentate and me like a homeless person.
She’s gambling that he’s paying the check, but she’s often wrong.
My husband might be pulling out his wallet and paying the bill, but I’ll certainly be talking to him about how I feel about the waitstaff if they’re acting unprofessionally.
Maybe it’s the same dynamics you get at fancy or hip (or pseudo fancy or hip) clothes stores. You know, pretty but obnoxious and not very skilled gal that seems to think you belong to the gutter while selling you something a few cents short of a scam.
Or maybe you’re actually dining with one of those bitches and so, shouldnt be surprised of their abusing ways.
Thanks for all interesting perspectives. Could be that some waitresses put on an act if they think a guy is paying, which is slightly disrespectful to women at the table. I must get completely fooled by it even though it’s obvious to the women!
Waiters can be rude as fuck, but I have never had a problem with a waitress.
I have also been a waitress off and on for coming up on 8 years. I haven’t noticed any of my female customers resenting me. I am not someone who flirts with customers, though, and I tend to get along better with women generally.
I’ve often noticed that some other waitresses are extremely flirty and over-focused on male customers (there are plenty of women out there that are like this all the time - just more interested in men). They all make better tips than me, but it has to backfire sometimes. I’d bet money that this is the dynamic that your female friends are resenting, though I don’t know why they wouldn’t admit it.
In all my years of dining out, a waitress has been rude to me only once. I was eating with my brother, and the waitress had been a college classmate of his. She was remarkably brusque with me while I ordered and completely ignored me while she stood by the table and made small-talk with my brother, until my brother introduced me to her as his sister. Then she was all smiles and helpfulness. So, I figured out what that was all about pretty quickly.
In the few occasions of poor service I can think of, only one was definitely down to that particular server, and that was a man. For the others I can’t remember the gender of the servers at all.
I’m racking my brain and can’t come up with any instance of any servers being rude to me. In fact I am always surprised at how professional and pleasant they are - I could never do what they do without snapping. I did have an odd experience a few months ago when I was eating/drinking at the bar in a Chevy’s restaurant and was killing time because I was going to go to a 10 o’clock movie. I’d been watching baseball on TV and around 9:30 or so I happened to look around, noticed all the other customers were gone, and the employees were putting the chairs up on the tables. The bartender had laid my bill in front of me about 15 minutes before and left and NEVER CAME BACK. I wouldn’t say that was “rude”, but it was awkward as hell! I had assumed a chain restaurant like that with a bar would be open until at least 11 or so but I guess because it was in a mall it closed when the mall did. If I’d been in his position would’ve at least said something like: “We’re about to close up, so I’ll leave you your check.” to give me a heads-up.
I can’t think of any waiters/waitresses being rude to me … just neglectful, and even then it’s pretty much a 50/50 split.
Your friends that you mentioned … are they attractive? If not, and the waitress is … thereya go. Jealousy.
I’ve noticed the flirting waitress bit being a male (and ex-server), but mostly in diners, truck stops, Hooters, and recently a Wafflehouse. Generally, high turnover, low check average, traditionally female waitstaffed places with workingmen at the counters… I think the all female waitstaff dynamic and competition generally self-supports this style of waitressing. Hell, even in the high end restaurant I worked at, where it was mostly men and women couples on dates and special oxxasions the female waitresses statistically made more… the only way the guys could earn a fair living was by being a highly competent, well trained, empathic, and excellent server. Just can’t overcome the Tits and ass Glass ceiling.