Yesterday, my friend told me that I’m often rude to people in menial labor positions, like waiters or bus drivers. He gave me some examples. He says that when I wave at waiters or waitresses to come to my table to ask for some extra rice, I’m being rude. It’s me acting as though they’re at my beck and call and I can just get from them whatever I want. Or if I ask a cashier to correct a mistake where he charged me fifty cents too much, I’m being rude. He also says that it’s rude for me to even consider tipping less if the service is really bad (not slightly bad, really bad). He went on about how I treat them like they’re not people with feelings but just act like they’re there to serve me.
I think this is really obscure. A waiter or waitress is not somebody I need to emotionally validate. What is this about how it’s like I’m “using them” and “not treating them as a person”? Do I need to make a waitress feel like a natural woman? We’re not talking about relationships here, we’re talking about business transactions.
I’m not saying that I shouldn’t generally be respectful of, say, waiters or bus drivers or baristas. But when they’re working their jobs, they should be there for me if I want more rice. They should be ready to give me back fifty cents that they didn’t give me.
Is there something that I’m missing in all of this?
No, not unless you’re demanding, “Hey! You overcharged me!!! I want my fifty cents, now!”
As long as you say, “Excuse me, but I believe I’ve been overcharged, if you could correct this, I’d appreciate it. Thanks!”
And when you “wave” at waitstaff, do you mean you do so when they’re far away, and you can’t say, “excuse me”, or do you do so when they’re busy, or what? Help us out here?
(And hell yes, I’ve undertipped when the service absolutely sucked! Hello! Isn’t that the point?)
I’ll usually say something like “I think you charged me fifty cents too much.” I expect the person to realize from there that it’s their business to open the register and give me fifty cents or void the transaction and redo it, or something.
I’m not really nice about it or anything, but I don’t phrase it in any way that is overtly rude. In fact, my friend recognizes that my phrasing is not a problem. He thinks the behaviour is a problem (waving at waitresses to get more rice, asking baristas for money back that they owe me, tipping less if the waiter brings me the wrong dish and won’t correct the mistake).
When they’re far away, I’ll wave, and I will usually say “excuse me”.
It could be that my phrasing is at issue. But my friend has not been explicitly criticizing my phrasing. He basically thinks that I’m just too demanding of service employees.
I think you’re pretty much in possession of the consensus opinion on this.
When I’m paying to be served, I ask to be served. I don’t go so far as to snap my fingers, but I’ll be glad to wave and make eye contact.
NO ONE besides your friend thinks it’s rude to ask that their change be exact. Getting correct change is non-negotiable.
It is possible that your recounting of this tale doesn’t line up with what your friend was actually trying to say, but barring that possibility, your friend is just flat-out wrong.
The only controversial part might be not tipping well in cases where the service is bad. I’ve had friends who argued that “the server is overworked” or “it’s not their fault that the kitchen messed up the order.”
Some might consider it your obligation to take these things into account, so they may not be off base there.
My opinion is that if the server is overworked, they should be able to make up whatever % I decrease the tip by in volume.
I won’t penalize the server for the fact that her cook stinks, but if the food is obviously wrong, I do expect her to bring it to his attention. The ‘manifestly wrong’ scenario is rare, though.
Where in the hell are you going that the waiter won’t bring you what you ordered, even after you ask?
Are you dining in a Russian gulag or something?
Yeah, if the waiter won’t bring me what I ordered, not only will they not get a tip, but I’ll likely hunt the manager down to complain. In such a scenario I’ve got no trouble walking into the kitchen and hunting down the manager if I can’t get wait staff to summon them.
I’m also not going to pay for an item I didn’t order, period. If I’m told I can’t leave without paying for an item I didn’t order, I’m calling the cops and claiming kidnapping.
These things aren’t intrinsically rude, but a lot depends on the delivery. I have a friend who I simply can’t bear going to a restaurant with. If there is the slightest thing wrong or out of the ordinary, she calls the waiter over for remediation but the tone of her voice and the manner in which she addresses the water is just plain rude with a lot of tongue clicking and eye rolling, but without actually saying anything profane.
If a knife has water stains on it, she might wave for a waiter and ask for a replacement, but the her delivery implies that she wants to say “how fucked-up does a restaurant have to be that it can’t even get its silver wear clean??? and how stupid must the waiters be who can’t even see that they’re setting spotty knives on the tables??? I mean Jesus Christ on a whatever…” It makes me cringe and I won’t ever go to a restaurant with her again. I just feel so bad for the waiters that have to put up with her.
One problem may be that I have what one might (this is sexist, of course) call an “annoying bitch” tone of voice. I speak in very proper sentences, yet my voice is high and squeaky. It may be that I intrinsically come across as one of those really annoying customers just because of how I sound.
If you’re polite and respectful of serving staff, you’re fine. If you’re not, you probably need to work in customer service for a little while for some perspective.
One imagines a good friend is used to your voice. Something still ain’t adding up; either we need more details or your friend is badly mistaken, perhaps both.
Some unasked-for advice, feel free to ignore: Get some voice lessons. Seriously. This can affect your life, in lots of ways. IMHO, people notice and react to voices much more than they are aware of.
I can’t get over this sentence. There are (as other Dopers have noted) respectful and rude ways of making almost any request of a customer service worker, but when you get down to the reason that the worker’s job exists in the first place, it is to serve the customer.
No hires people to wait tables or stock shelves or work a register because they need them to form deep and emotionally satisfying relationships with everyone who crosses their path; customer service jobs are called “customer service” for a reason.
While this doesn’t mean that customer service workers shouldn’t be treated as people, it does mean that anyone who complains that someone “acts like they’re there to serve” you, seems to be missing the point.
Saying “Excuse me, I think I was overcharged 50 cents” can seem a polite and neutral expression, but inflection and volume and easily make you a total and complete dick just as easily.
I’d say it is pointless to ask in this medium without a youtube video as an example becuase you are likely to spin this in your favour, purposely or not.
If I have gone out to a restraunt to eat I do not expect to sit with an empty glass or cup. I expect a good waiter to notice. Not all do. If they do not notice I will try to catch their eye. If that does not work, I will call to them when they pass. If I make a mistake I do not have a problem if I am corrected so I would not expect some one else to have a problem. And I do not have a problem when others make a mistake.
It is called a service industry. I have worked in a department store and now in a high rise building. I would never think of haveing a customer or tenant wait while I got on an elevator or went through a door. It does not make them better than me it makes them a customer. so when I am the customer I expect the same thing.
And yes my tip does depend on the service. If the wait staff does not do a proper job why should I act like I am pleased?
I would never dream of saying otherwise my point was only that complaining that “You treat customer service people like they are there to provide service to the customer” is a tautology.
As I said in my first post, there are polite and rude ways to say everything and there is no reason a person shouldn’t be able to treat the person helping them like a person.
As Brynda noted, tone of voice is paramount; almost anything can sound rude in a certain tone. “Excuse me, can I get a Jack and Coke?” can be said very pleasantly and politely or it can sound like an insult, depending on the delivery.
Perhaps your friend has issues with your delivery, not what you’re actually saying.
If your friend’s critique has bothered you enough to post about it, maybe you should pay more attention to how you come across to people?
