I noticed that when I have been to dinner with any of my female friends, they often got angry at the waitress at some point. Or complained to me that the waitress is annoying … or tried to make sure that I wasn’t tipping her too much.
This all takes place over my head and I’m the last to notice. This only happens at fancy places, never at casual restaurants. And I never hear any comments about male waiters.
Is there some dynamic going on that I should be sensitive about? (I’m a guy and I usually pay, if that matters). I just try to change the subject if it happens, but I don’t want anyone to get offended.
Speaking as a woman - I think it’s more likely your female friends are being bitches. I can’t remember the last time I found a waitress annoying.
Oh wait - I was kind of annoyed at the probable jailbait waitress who kept making eyes at my husband on our anniversary several years back, but that was more funny than anything else. (She was so obvious with her “I will flirt with you/you’re going to pay so you’ll tip big because I’m blonde and hot, right?” routine, down to an “accidental” brush of a breast on his shoulder as she turned away from the table.) Both of us would chuckle at her antics after she would leave the table. I paid.
They should be carefull what kind of attitude their dishing out towards the server. Just remind them that serving staff get to “handle” their drinks and meals before they do. Use your imagination as to what can happen. It does.
Eh… most of them are nice. I do get mildly miffed at those that put the majority of their attention on the hubby (because they assume he’d be paying?).
I’ve been told by server friends that a server messing with your food is so rare that it would take thousands of meals for it to happen to you even once.
I have no trouble believing that some woman customers eating out with a guy would try to find an excuse to “hate” the waitress due to the “he’s MY man” dynamic. I thnk that process would be more common than the waitress actually being rude to the woman she is serving.
I’ve never had one be what I would consider rude, but I’ve had young, female servers be patronizing or neglectful.
Generally, when they’re neglectful, I look around and see how they are treating tables where men are seated. I don’t take it as neglectful-because-you’re-a-woman if they’re shirking their duties at other tables as well. However, there have been a few who blew me off to fawn over tables with guys. Patronizing is pretty much the way a woman dining alone is treated by young, usually white, female servers about half the time.
In places where I’m a regular, I’m usually treated well by all of the staff. I tip well and am not demanding, so if they’ve served me before, they like to see me show up in their section again.
BTW, I’ve been on the server side of the fence too, waiting tables and as an assistant manager of a couple of restaurants. I know that it can be hard work during rushes and boring as hell during slow times, so I do try to cut them some slack while still expecting decent service. Does that make sense?
There’s the type of person that enjoys bullying, treating service people like shit because they’re the customer and they think it’s their right to do so. They take sadistic pleasure in doing this every chance they get.
You take a person like this that dines out frequently I can guarantee you it’s not going to take thousands of meals/drinks for it to happen.
I’m a woman who’s been dining out for decades, and while once in a great while I’ll encounter a crap waitress, it’s been my experience that people of either gender who frequently complain about chronic bad service usually are bringing it on themselves.
There is a perception out there that men tip better than women… but at any establishment where you become even a semi-regular the waitstaff will tend to remember how you, individually, tip. As I tip well for good service in addition to being polite and reasonable I usually get treated VERY well by waitstaff where I’m a regular.
If your friends are *frequently *encountering problems with people in service positions they need to take a look in the mirror.
