I think there’s something more than just bad time management here. Social anxiety can cause someone to appear that they don’t care (or that reorganizing the silverware is more important than you), when, really, they are just trying to do anything to postpone the unavoidable. Until the stresses of being late become great enough to overcome the anxiety, they aren’t going to show up.
Well to be fair, even though along with the majority I chose the above average Doper option, nothing in that choice indicated us types are never late. Just that we get extremely stressed about it when we are.
If it’s a set appointment, even a party or BBQ, I am absolutely never late. Just not.
But since I’m self-employed, I do give myself leeway sometimes with work start times or appointments, because shit happens.
“I’ll be there between 3 and 4 pm, does that work for you?”
“I’ll be there about nine-ish, is that OK?”
Then I fix “3 pm” or “9 am” as my appointment time in my head/calendar and try to stick to that, but as long as it’s OK by the other party, I know I have 30-60 minutes worth of wiggle room. So, maybe that’s cheating but it’s a handy work-around that works for everyone.
And I fail to see, anyway, how attempting to honor ones word and do what you promised to do is a negative and deserving of sarcasm, on any planet. I assume that anyone who doesn’t make a good-faith effort to be on time for stuff is a generally flakey and unreliable individual and at least in a professional context, not someone I would choose to work with or hire.
I have almost always been on time or early for the important things. I used to be late for work almost every day, but I took on a New Year’s resolution this past May and have been to work on time or early since then almost every day. I know, I know, a job should generally be considered an important thing and I’m very lucky to still have mine after perpetual lateness for 17 years.
I am so proud of myself :smack:
Late for what? I’m generally punctual, but late people usually don’t stress me out.
- Late for a party? Big deal. I’m glad you showed up.
- Late for a group dinner? No big deal as long as you don’t get pissed when we order without you.
- Do I know you’re chronically late? If so, I’ll just assume that will be the case and plan around it.
- Late for something where it really matters, like leaving for an airport? Ok, this is where I start to get angry. In these cases it ends up doubly bad. If we dedicate an hour to getting there, in your mind it only takes 45 minutes. And of course you are late even given that 45 minutes. So you have risked everyone’s flight, and increased the stress and need to rush and everything else due to your poor time management. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Nobody is saying that punctuality is worthy of sarcasm. But why do people boast about it? I’m baffled when I hear someone say that they’re proud of their punctuality; to me, that’s like being proud of brushing your teeth or stopping at stop signs. It’s a minimal expectation that anyone can meet. You stop getting awards for that kind of stuff after elementary school.
I’m frequently late because I’m a poor planner. I often underestimate how long it will take to do things, or I get distracted and throw myself off schedule. I’m also not a morning person, so I struggle even more at that time of day to stay on schedule. I don’t like being late and always promise myself that I’ll do better next time, but my intentions are no match for the reality: I’m a poor planner, disorganised and easily distracted. If I knew how to fix these character flaws, I would have done it already.
I, along with several others, was responding to even sven’s post in particular.
Do note the wording of the OP; this may help you comprehend the responses.
Do try to keep up with the rest of the class.
Eh, nothing wrong with being on time. I don’t personally assign much value to it, but I do what I need to do to keep from pissing people off.
What’s making me crack up is the whole “I was three minutes late to a garage sale once in 1979, and it still makes me feel kind of nauseous to think about it. Now, if I’m meeting someone for brunch I just camp outseld the restaurant-- what’s so hard about that? Don’t people want to be considerate?”
Likewise. So I am chronically late and it drives me crazy. 20 minutes would be great, if only. Often an hour. We have missed planes. And saying anything makes her just slow down.
I love my wife but I am stuck as being part of the late group and HATE it.
That said people who come early to a party are worse. I am still setting up gosh darn it!
Good lord almighty, nobody posted anything even close to that.
Are you reading the same thread everyone else is posting to?
Do you have a cite from this thread that even comes within a mile close to illustrating what alternate universe you are talking about here?
OTOH n/m. Crack up away with your bad self. :rolleyes:
I’ve always figured it was just courteous to show up for work 10-15 minutes early, even if you’re not clocking in until the exact time. It lets your coworkers see that, yes, you’re here, don’t worry. It also eliminates wasted “on the clock time”, wherein you come through the door right on time, punch in, and then spend the next 5-10 minutes stashing your stuff and getting yourself ready to work. This is important to me, working in foodservice. At my current job, at the retirement home, I have to be to work at 6:00AM, and I have until 7:30 to have everything ready for breakfast. My server is scheduled to arrive at 7:00, which gives her 30 minutes to get the coffee made, fill water pitchers and set them out on the tables, set up the various dry cereals, fruit, and fixings for the oatmeal. I would be a happy camper if any of these women would show up at 6:50, get their coat and purse put away, and actually be ready to start doing this stuff at 7:00 instead of 7:10-7:15.
I take pride in my record for near-perfect attendance, going back more than 15 years. I worked one place that opened at 5:00AM, and I had to be there at 4:30. And half the time, it was the owner who overslept, leaving me standing outside unable to get in and turn the damned grill on. I’d have to walk two blocks to the nearest pay phone (I didn’t drive at the time, and this was before everybody had a cell phone) to call her and wake her ass up. And yet, she gave all of the waitresses keys, but stubbornly refused to give keys to us cooks. Which was stupid, because it took 20 minutes to heat the grill up to operating temperature, so it was essential that the morning cook could get started on time.
I’m so obsessive about being on time that, when I’ve worked jobs where I was the “opening” cook in the morning, I’ve told my morning coworkers, “If you don’t see me here ten minutes early, call me right then. Don’t wait 15-20 minutes to see if I’m just running a bit behind. If I’m not on time, then I’m probably still asleep. Call immediately and wake my ass up. Because if I’m awake, I will be on time. And if I am genuinely just running behind, I will have already called to tell you so.”
All this is probably the result of my mom’s even worse obsession with punctuality when I was a kid. Back then, her idea of “on time” was “30 minutes early”. Which meant that we arrived everywhere way before anybody else, and I hated it at the time. When you’re a small child, 30 minutes is an eternity, and I hated just hanging around with nothing to do until everybody else showed up. But it did instill an appreciation for punctuality. I just don’t take it to my mom’s extreme.
I tend to be on time while my wife tends to make us late. But then, I was a science major and she was an art major. Artists arent the kind of people known for keeping deadlines.
Oh, I assure you that I had no difficulty comprehending the OP and the responses. I think even sven nailed the overall tone of this thread perfectly, albeit with some exaggeration.
Oh man, that significant extra time. I don’t know if this would apply to your situation, but I’ve found setting an alarm on my phone to be a godsend in those circumstances.
I’m chronic clock watcher when I have that extra time which turns something that’s supposed to be enjoyable into stress. Setting an alarm allows me to relax, knowing I’ll be warned. I’m sure it could work for some late people for similar reasons.
Funny, yesterday my Wife and I and a friend where late to a movie. By about 2 minutes. Both my Wife and I commented on it a couple of times. We have been married 18 years and can’t remember a single time that that has happened before. So put us in the on time camp.
Anyway, the lateness was caused by all three of us. The friend had just made an offer on a house, and we all wanted to look at it online. So we looked at pictures for a bit. It did not affect anyone but ourselves, so no big deal. If we had another person to pick up, I am sure that would not have happened.
We are planning a trip in April. We will be staying at my BIL’s house and we are trying to decide about renting a car. SIL could easily take us to the airport to come home… but. She is always late. So we will probably rent a car to avoid that frustration.
Yes, you don’t assign much value to it, so you are late. I do assign great value to it, so I am not late. You seem to be saying that there is something wrong with both assigning the value and then abiding by the value assigned.
I’m on time so as not to be an asshole. I’m early because I’m pathological about being on time. These are two different things.
When people are chronically late, that means they have not prioritized being on time. When people are chronically early, that means they have overprioritized being on time. The former affects others. The latter just tends to affect us. Therefore, the latter looks better, but is not necessarily healthy.
This is definitely another one of those Doper exceptionalism threads that pops up every once in a while. Which is to say that I also believe even sven is fairly accurate in her characterization.
Me? I’m a “No, but it’s no big deal if I run behind”. If it’s something where being on time is a high priority - doctor’s appointment, movie start time, dinner reservation, whatever - I’ll leave early enough that I’ll generally get there five or ten minutes early. That also covers the occasional hit-all-the-red-lights or couldn’t-find-a-parking-spot so that I’m not habitually late. I will not leave early enough to make up for the couple times a year when there’s an accident or a lane closure that costs me a full half hour. I traditionally don’t get too worked up about it.
Being late was ‘life or death’ in many of the things I did for a living or fun over my life.
People will revert to their oldest & strongest habit when there is a sudden fear or fright & in many cases that means they die. Inability to make time - function change can be very deadly.
Flying, single handed sailing, checking the gear before you leave or go up or down, ( SUCBA diving) … Many different things.
Missed some really great trips with my Dad because I moved slow when he said, “Now.” He would just take a different kid that would do, “now.” Even if it was planned for days that it was your turn. ( 7 kids to chose from so not a great family to mess around with getting ready. )
A motto I firmly believe in:
- I may chose to die for you but I will not die because of you. *
Punctuality is a Thing. I used to be always, always, on time. It shamed me to be late. I was furious with people who were chronically late. Then I married a guy who always started getting ready to go when it was actually time to go, in other words, was chronically late. Whenever we had to go some place together, a huge, bitter fight, with screaming in frustration, was guaranteed . Any enjoyment of whatever we were late for was destroyed.
Then I had a baby, the most infernal late-maker ever known. I had to learn to cope.
Here’s some things I have learned about punctuality since then:
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If someone is chronically late, do not try to change them. People who are chronically late have way more work to do on themselves than you want to get entangled in – even if they truly want to stop. They may be so self-absorbed they lack the ability to imagine or care what they are ruining for someone else. They may harbor unconscious resentments that results in this passive-aggressive fuck-you. They may also just be horribly disorganized and their whole lives are that chaotic. Or a combo of these.
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Punctuality is a virtue which is its own punishment. Unless you are interviewing for a job, attending a dinner party or the opera, or catching a ferry, you are probably overdoing it. I learned that being on time for things where nobody except you cares about being on time was just a way to churn stomach acid uselessly. Learn nuance and flexibility.
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I’ve had friends who were chronically late to a pathological degree. I believe they all had different complexes of reasons. One was mainly about resentment and her inability to confront it in herself. Another had an astonishing inability to order levels of importance (is this really the right time to start cleaning off your desk?). A third turned out to be exhibiting early signs of dementia. It helped me stay their friend (okay, not the first one) to sort of give up on them showing up. Pretending I just happened to be at that restaurant having a rare, special meal by myself. Taking an excellent book with me. Leaving a note – “I’ll be back at four, just went to run a few errands – make yourself comfy”. Then when they show up, it’s like a delightful surprise.
My baby grew up and went away to grad school. My husband and I learned to compromise. I am no longer rigidly punctual. Happier, too.
These are very wise words. I haven’t learned the flexibility, but I know that my focus on timeliness is excessive.