My friends who are late for lunch dates

The BBQ Pit
1

… in particular, those people who do not have 9 to 5 jobs, who make lunch plans with me (who does have a 9 to 5 job) and then turn up late, therefore making me sit there alone at the table, getting curious and pathetic glances from the waitstaff who feel sorry for the poor shlub whose friends stood her up, glances that say “So is your so-called friend REALLY coming, you loser?” and “you know you’re taking up this table for 4 and there’s only one of you and we’re in the middle of a lunch rush,” and wondering “should I order my lunch now in the hopes of getting back to work on time?” and “why would they ask me to lunch and then be late, knowing that I only have an hour between the time I leave the office and the time I return to it?” and leaving an excessive tip for all the water they brought me while I was waiting and all the customers they lost because I was taking up a table for 4 even though there was only one of me.

Five of you have done this to me this week. One of you was bringing a baby on public transit so you are forgiven for being ten minutes late. The rest of you: consider yourself pitted. :mad:

2

So, order lunch. If they arrive late that’s their problem. If they want you to stay past the end of your lunch break, bill them.

3

[QUOTE=Ethilrist]
So, order lunch. If they arrive late that’s their problem. If they want you to stay past the end of your lunch break, bill them.
[/QUOTE]

That’s pretty much what I do (except I just leave when I want to). Does that mean I don’t get to bitch about it?

4

I personally hate it when people show up late. I consider it thoughtless and selfish. If you continue to make plans with people who have demonstrated that they are thoughtless and selfish, I would suggest you make plans that are more comfortable for you - a convenient meeting place for you, bringing a book with you so you can read while waiting, making sure they understand you aren’t going to hold off eating your lunch for them, or just not making plans with them any more.

5

Having been the victim if this in the past, I suggest you bring a book with you. That way, you won’t have to notice the curious glances of the people around you.

(Kinda amazing how eating alone in a resturant has become almost a taboo in our culture. You’re assumed to be a little odd, at best.)

6

[QUOTE=featherlou]
I personally hate it when people show up late. I consider it thoughtless and selfish. If you continue to make plans with people who have demonstrated that they are thoughtless and selfish, I would suggest you make plans that are more comfortable for you - a convenient meeting place for you, bringing a book with you so you can read while waiting, making sure they understand you aren’t going to hold off eating your lunch for them, or just not making plans with them any more.
[/QUOTE]

I agree. I’m one of those people who is almost always on time, since I know it’s a big inconvenience for the other person if you’re late. Once I detect a pattern of lateness, I either drop that person as a partner for doing things, or set it up so that they have to go out of their way to get me first, and then we go. In that case, I just keep busy until they show up.

7

Are they good friends?
If so, you should be able to tell them politely what bothers you about theri behaviour.

8

this is one of my biggest pet peeves. People who would not steal money from me will steal bits and pieces of my life way with total disregard. Consistently.

In my youth I was considerably less tolerant and would just write people out of my life who did it too often. Now I often bring a book along and read when I know someone will be late. But only if it is someone I care about.

9

I rode to work with a girl who was late every day. It is the most self-centered, rude habit a person can get into. I don’t give that person a second chance. Tell them that from now on, lunch is on weekends only or meet them for dinner.

When they arrive, you should get up to go to the ladies room and then stick 'em with the bill. :mad:

10

If your place of work is close by the restaurant, have them call you when they get there. Then leave for lunch and meet them. You might even have them place your order for you so your lunch is in the works while you’re on the way.

11

I should probably start a thread in G.D. on this but I’ll just add a quick comment here. Punctuality is a choice. Barring the inevitabilites of life that come up like traffic jams and what not, a person can either choose to be on time or late. The message the late ones are sending is “I disrespect you. My time is more important than yours.”

I’m OK with the once in a while “Ooops I’m late”, but I’ve no room for the habitual offenders.

12

Don’t forget…they’re fucking with your livelihood here. WTF! Are they completely thoughtless?

13

[QUOTE=cowgirl]
That’s pretty much what I do (except I just leave when I want to). Does that mean I don’t get to bitch about it?
[/QUOTE]

Oh, you do; it just sounded like you were sitting there, not having ordered, waiting for them to arrive, and then stuck with the decision once they arrived whether you should order and get back to work late, or skip lunch with your friends altogether and grab something quick on the way back to the office. Which is also worth bitching about.

14

[QUOTE=AHoosierMama]
Barring the inevitabilites of life that come up like traffic jams and what not, a person can either choose to be on time or late. The message the late ones are sending is “I disrespect you. My time is more important than yours.”
[/QUOTE]
Although none of the folks I know who are chronically late believe this, it is the absolute truth. They manage to make it work on time.

If I were handing out $100 bills on the corner at 9 AM sharp, the line would start forming at midnight.

15

Great suggestion from Honey. I’m gonna remember that.

16

Start telling the latecomers that lunch is 15 minutes before it actually is.

17

[QUOTE=Contrapuntal]
Although none of the folks I know who are chronically late believe this, it is the absolute truth. They manage to make it work on time.
[/QUOTE]

They don’t believe it because they are not making a conscious choice to fuck with you. Seriously. Most people who are chronically late have every intention of making it ontime, they’re usually just disorganized/distractable/klutzy/unlucky.

I am often not on time. I want to be on time, but I honestly don’t understand how people get out of their house so smoothly. The only way I can function is to be early. My work starts at 9AM. I have earnestly, honestly reset that time for 8:45. I aim to be in the office at 8:45. I miss that at least once a week. Usually twice. The only person I’m screwing here is myself, yet I can’t seem to friggin’ stop. Because the cat gets out. Because my car keys fall behind my dresser. Because I spilled coffee (or toothpaste) on my shirt. Not to mention traffic. I don’t get how people consistantly arrive in the office at the same time every day. I live a mile and a half from my office and my arrival time varies from 8:35 to 9:00 on any given day, based on how my morning went.

I do okay as long as I can pad with extra time. I avoid doing things on any sort of time contraint (such as meeting people for lunch) because I always screw it up. I hate being asked to meet people for dinner (or worse, a movie!) right after work, because I can never get out of here on time.

(My best friend got married last weekend. I gave myself 1/2 hour to get 5 miles, was early for the hair appointment. . . and then the hairdresser took so long with the bride, that by the time I got to go (last) she was running behind, and I ended up 15 minutes late for getting ready at the venue. I can’t friggin win, and I know someone there was thinking, “Oh, she’s so selfish and thoughtless”)

I’m acutally pretty lucky, my close friends are pretty cool. They know I need extra time. They know sometimes I miss the mark and am late. I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone end a friendship becuase of my timing issues. I can’t have every social event be started by the same amount of stress and worry than ensues every work day morning. It’s not worth it. I’d rather just not go out. And they they’d never see me. So we compromise. It’s a flaw I try hard to work around, and a flaw my friends somehow manage to tolerate and still love me. It’s not like I murder puppies or something.

In the OPs case, if I could not allow time to be early (such as because of my job), I simply would never eat lunch with her on a workday. That’s not a knock on her. It’s just the only socially acceptable option. I can’t be timely. All the self-righteous insulting in the world isn’t going to make me timely. (Believe me, my mother tried)

18

Being consistently late is a dealbreaker for me in a friendship and a relationship.

I actually understand most late people don’t mean to, just get caught up, as Obsidian (what a cool username!) says, but it doesn’t make it any better for me. I happen to value punctuality very highly and respect punctual people.

In the OP’s case, I would quit having lunch with those people. Unfortunately we have chronically late people in both our families and that drives me even more batty. Often it’ll be “We’re having lunch at 2” and they won’t show up until after 3:30. Everyone’s hungry! And I am not in charge - I’m only the girlfriend of the younger son, and in Asian families, that means bupkus - so I can’t say to just eat at 2.

19

[QUOTE=AHoosierMama]
I should probably start a thread in G.D. on this but I’ll just add a quick comment here. Punctuality is a choice. Barring the inevitabilites of life that come up like traffic jams and what not, a person can either choose to be on time or late. The message the late ones are sending is “I disrespect you. My time is more important than yours.”
[/QUOTE]

Please do. I’d be very interested.
**
Obsidian**‘s explanation is interesting and I’d like to hear more if she’s willing to participate also. I don’t understand the "disorganized/distractable/klutzy/unlucky’ part of the explanation, but I’d like to try. I can understand those factors making one late occasionally but I don’t understand how they would make one late habitually. For instance, I can understand a few days of disorganization after which you organize better and things run smoother or a couple days of spilt things on a blouse after which you put on your blouse last or something. But how do these things happen on every occasion?

My mom is habitually late. I really don’t understand how it works.

20

Most of the world (huge generalization)–or at least the Western hemisphere has cell phones.

It’s not so much that you’re going to be late…it’s that you don’t call me and tell me so.

That drives me crazy. And instead of just not showing up–how about a call to say you can’t make it? I’ll endeavor to understand, but to stand someone up is unforgivable (barring a medical emergency). I have had this happen twice in the past month to me–the no call, and the no show (different occasions). People wouldn’t do this to their mother or spouse–why is it ok to do it to a friend?
I, too, used to be very punctual. And then (not that I am blaming them) I had kids. Now, I also have to build 15 minutes into wherever I’m going-in order to accomodate sudden needs/phone calls etc. I also found that I am MORE punctual the farther away I have to travel–because I plan on traffic. I am not often late, but I understand the “stuff happens” POV.