My boyfriend is chronically late, and it drives me crazy. I’m hardly Miss Punctuality myself, but I can at least manage to show up to parties before everyone starts cleaning up, and to movies before the previews have ended and the only seats left are in the front.
He has a mild physical disabilty, which does cause him to move slowly at times. But sometimes I catch him just staring at his half-laced shoes when we ought to be getting out the door! I’m completely awestruck by his ability to never be on time for anything.
For one thing, he doesn’t seem to factor in things like putting on shoes (and they just have to be boots that take ages to lace, of course), putting on jackets, gathering his backpack and getting the car started into his assesment of when he has to leave to get someplace on time. And because of his disability and tendancy to get distracted, these things take a while to get done. I can get all my “getting ready to leave” activities done in the amount of time it takes him to get just one thing dones. Additionally, he does time-consuming things like (slowly, methodically) putting his backpack in the trunk of the car instead of tossing it in the back seat when he is in a hurry. He never makes decisions like “maybe I ought to wear slip-on shoes today instead of taking five minutes to lace up my boots”. It’s like he just isn’t able to comprehend what “we’ve got to get out the door now” means. Drives me nuts!
Another thing is that he has some sort of sleep disorder (which he firmly denies and refuses to have checked out by a doctor) which makes him want to sleep all the time. Ten hours of sleep is barely enough for him, and even after that he will want a long afternoon nap. When he is awake and not working, he is always in some state of almost-falling-asleep or just-waking-up. He gulps espresso after espresso, and still he is rarely fully alert between the hours of four in the afternoon and ten or eleven the next morning. He’ll often naps through engagments, and when he is not asleep he is usually too groggy to make much of an effort to get there as soon as possible. In his mind it’s okay to show up to whatever he has to do whenever he happens to wake up from whatever nap he’s taking , even if his girlfriend has been waiting with her shoes and jacket on for a good hour and a half pleading with him to at least wake up and start getting ready.
Add to that a work schedule with an infinite amount of cell phone calls and emails that “need” to be answered at any given time (as in while your on your way out the door), and you’ve got yourself a chronically late guy. I don’t think he’s passive agressive, or even lazy. I don’t even know what it is. It might even be some kind of mental block against being on time. It’s like he’s just unable to bring himself to get out of the house on time.
Sorry, this has turned into a rant more than anything else. Today the boyfriend finally got home at seven, after saying he was going to be home at four so I could make an appointment (and then at five he said he was about to get in the car to come home , and at six he was just stopping to get a cup of coffee and would be home in five minutes) and crashed on the couch for the night (and probably most of tommorow morning- or at least until he wakes up a couple hours late for work). I’m a little flustered. I hope this can give you some insight, at least.