It seems to me that there are two types of people in the world:
Type 1: “Let’s hang out. I hate being alone, and it’s abnormal and anti-social. Do you know of any parties going on? Let’s call some friends.”
Type B: “Leave me the hell alone.”
Which type are you, primarily? Explain your answer.
Me, I’m a type B. When I was groing up, I didn’t have too many friends, so I learned to make the most of my “alone time.” I’ve since grown to love being alone, and go a bit stir crazy if I can’t spend significant amounts of time by myself. The one time I lived with a significant other, who was a Type 1, I was very unhappy. She would usually assault me with socialization the moment I came home from work. The day she moved out was the best day of my life.
Another B) here. I love the idea of friends in the abstract but actual people are usually a bit of a letdown. I also possess an uncanny ability to piss people off. Nt evreyone, but certain types, starting with 30-something left wing childless women. God knows why. I ascribe my problems to honesty, a passion for truth and a touch of misunderstood genius, a la Van Gogh. My mother (and sometimes my wife) are much less positive about it.
Strange that someone who has posted over 4,000 times likes primarily to be alone. One of the reasons I post here is that I crave contact with other people, even if it is not across a coffee table or at a party. I like some alone time, too. But I think of myself, not as a party animal, but as a people persosn. I like being where there are people, even if I don’t know them.
Though not as extreme, I’m definitely Type B, not Type 1.
I don’t really crave companionship. I have many times enjoyed just lurking around the apartment without seeing anyone for three or four days. No problem. I could probably live happily alone in a cabin in the woods.
I do enjoy spending time with friends, but I also need. my. alone. time. If I have to spend a whole day interacting with other people, it sucks all the energy out of me and I get extremely cranky after about five hours. I try to recognize this when it happens and excuse myself to get a half hour alone with my own thoughts, if possible.
On the other hand, I can spend infinite amounts of time with my husband and enjoy all of it, but he’s about the only human on Earth I feel that way about.
I’m in Camp B, although I do enjoy company occasionally. It’s just that too many people, for too long, makes me a little nutty. And there are some times when being alone, in my bed, with nothin’ but time, is so delicious I hum a little.
I am a combination. I hate crowds and general socializing, and groups of people bigger than about ten, at the outside… I do like a fair bit of time on my own, but I also like having a couple of nice people around. Thankfully, right now I have an optimal balance of company/solitude.
Camp B! And a majority of the people who hang out on a message board probably are, because you get a lot of the advantages of friendship without the bad parts (so much).
I was an only child, and still tend to retain some of the seriousness that I developed back then. Plus, I moved around so much, starting with moving to the States at age 4, that I didn’t have a sense of “me-ness” in any of the places that I lived. To this day, if you ask me where my hometown is, I’ll automatically say “Michigan” - not a city.
I also grew up in all-white neighborhoods for most of my life. Yes, it makes a gigantic difference. When year after year you are the only non-white kid in a class, when you are the only person whose name is “weird”, you don’t make friends as easily. People who do make friends with you tend to be precocious enough to look past appearances.
And I used to be very sensitive and very shy. The shyness came again frombeing uprooted at such a young age and moving to a country where suddenly no one could understand me. I wasn’t the least bit shy from age 1-4. It was only here I became so. The sensitivity has gotten better but I used to get hurt very easily.
I think you need a third category for us combination folk. Call me Type C. Most of the time I am happy to be by myself, but sometimes I crave meaningful conversation and companionship. Like Lissla Lissar, I don’t like crowds / large groups or fluff conversations.
There are only a limited number of people in whose company I can spend more than a fairly limited amount of time without starting to loose it. I’m marrying one in September. Another has been my closest friend for a decade. The rest are relatives.
I have a specific time limit on the amount of socialization I can do with anyone other than my nearest and dearest. It seems to be right at about four hours. After that I need to retreat to my cave for my own mental health and the mental health of those around me.
I had to learn how to “entertain myself” pretty early on. My cousins all lived in other towns; my brothers are much younger than me; my parents didn’t allow me to stay on the street after school and play, I had to go straight home, do housework, do homework, play - in that order; my school friends would go out of town on the weekends. So to me most people are a “load” rather than a source of relaxation.
I think most people are Type C, but notice in the OP I asked what type you are primarily. I suppose it’s not truly an either/or, but a continuum.
I enjoy spending time with my girlfriend, but when I’ve had enough of her, I leave. She understands. She’s a Type B as well.
When I was just out of college, I had 3 close friends. We would spend every evening together. Every. Single. One. If I wanted to bag hanging out, they would call me anti-social, and say it wasn’t normal to be alone. For the longest time I felt guilty/abnormal if I wanted to spend time by myself. It wasn’t until years later that I learned that wanting to be alone is pretty normal. I often wonder if it’s the people that constantly need to be around others that don’t have a problem.
Type 1 or Type B eh? :dubious: I’m kind of in between.
I grew up with 2 older sisters, the younger one being 4 years older than me, so I usually made do with myself when I was at home. I had a typical number of friends growing up, I suppose. Later on in HS and college I guess you could say I was one of those people who didn’t have lots of friends and wasn’t very outgoing, but had a tight group that I would listen to music, party, and travel with.
I used to enjoy my independance and freedom and had no problem travelling alone and did it quite often. Now that I’m married and have kids, I’ll enjoy my freedom for maybe the first day I’m away but then things get boring and pointless without being able to share it. I do enjoy a few hours of solitude hiking or biking every now and again, of course.
Big social occasion or party? Forget it. I’m practically a nervous wreck. I don’t know how to do it so I end up glomming onto someone I know probably to their eventual annoyance.
Go out for a few drinks with one or two people? Fine.
Wow. You and I have different concepts of “contact with other people”. I consider this place (and the internet as a whole) as THE place for people who eschew contact with others.
I guess I gotta say I’m primarily an (A). Married. Always liked being around others, getting together. I like chatting with the neighbors, bullshitting with the guys at work.
But, I’m not distressed by being alone in the slightest. I entertain myself easily.
There was a wonderful article in The Atlantic Monthly a couple years ago about your “Type B” people: “Caring For Your Introvert” by Jonathan Rauch. There was a thread here on the SDMB when it appeared that linked to it and discussed it.
Unfortunately, it appears that now you have to be a subscriber to read the article on The Atlantic’s website. But there are other places online where you can read the article. I won’t link to them since I don’t know how legal (in a copyright sense) they are, but if you’re interested, Google should turn them up.
Ya know,when I drink alone, I prefer to be by myself. Ditto when I do almost anything else. Except sex. And pingpong.
Oddly, I think most people find me to be quite warm and sociable. Little do they suspect that they very often suck the life out of me.
