I tend to share a lot with people, because to me, everything is fodder for conversation, and I’m really curious about other people. If you tell other people lots about you, they’ll more often respond in kind and you can learn new things. And if someone’s reaction to my honesty and openness is to be all creeped out or mad, then I know not to be friends with them anymore.
Can I just say without ruffling any feathers,that its my perception that many of you are not so much private people as just rather shy and embarassed about the emotions you feel.
People who bottle up their emotions to the outside world most of the time tend to when they finally reveal them to others make up for it by going on a little longer about it then normal which after a while causes a negative reaction in the listener and makes the person baring their soul feel bad about unloading.
So they make a resolution that they wont do that again,hold it all in again and then in the end eventually get it off their chest to someone continuing the cycle.
Also ninety nine times out of a hundred when an aquaintance asks “How are you”,"Where have you been "or “What are you doing at the moment” they are not been inquisative,they are simply following conventional politeness and making a little conversation to show that they recognise you as a person who is more then a stranger.
Its more polite then "How Do You Do"but just as meaningless as far as any serious intentions about information gathering are concerned.
In all probability,galling though it may sound,they most likely couldn’t care less what you’ve been doing and have forgotten the content of the conversation five minutes afterwards.
People think that Brits are obsessed with the weather because we always seem to be talking about it.
But the fact is its our way of having a short conversation with a colleague or aquaintance to recognise that they are a person without involving any personal content.
(That said,a week of heavy showers followed by a week of blistering sunshine !I mean what the hell is going on ?)
It is ridiculous to pretend that you dont react emotionally to any given event and people dont think any the less of you for doing so.
If for example I’ve just split up with an SO and am feeling down about it and an aquaintance asks “How are You doing”"I answer "Not bad mate"because thats all they are expecting in reply.
If somebody quite close to me asks the same thing"I’ll say "Oh I split up with Jenny last night and I feel pretty gutted "but thats it ,theres no reason to go on and on about it and give it the Big Boo Hoo.
I am habitually secretive about factual information about myself because of my past life and the dangers to my health it could have had and still could have in the future.
We all know just how easy it is to put a few pieces of apparently unconnected information together and arrive at a pretty full and accurate picture.
I’ve done it myself at times in the past.
And I now I think its a habit I’ll never grow out of.(A bit like drinking beer)
Sure, I can see that.
I’m having trouble understanding how this relates to the former. You seem to be saying at first that we shouldn’t feel embarrassed about our emotions, but then you also go on to say that nobody really cares about them or wants to hear about them. 
Not trying to pick on you, just genuinely want to know since the first part resonates somewhat with me, or at least it resonates with my online persona. I’m actually pretty comfortable not sharing personal information with other people any more. It allows my social relationships to remain mostly positive. But it also allows them to remain mostly superficial. The few people I’m close to I don’t have to tell about my personal life, because they were there witnessing it happen.
I think I see what you’re getting at ie. I’ll tell someone fairly close about how I feel without giving chapter and verse.
Sometimes I may give more detail as in" we fell out over my persistant nude Bungy jumping"for example but very often a lot of the minutae is irrelevant and you end up repeating several times in different words the same thing.
I dont do this out of secrecy or shame at the emotions that I am feeling but from my viewpoint it smacks of wallowing in self pity which is NOT a good thing and from the viewpoint of the listener it becomes a little bit repetative.
Introverts obviously are introspective and as such spend a lot more time
going over whats happening in their head,analysing and reanalysing their thought processes whereas extroverts,or least way me at any rate are much more conscious of what is happening all around us.
Just as well really because for me that has been and no doubt will remain a survival trait.(As in I’m ever alert for the proximity of people I owe money to!)
Yes now I see your point, I know exactly the sort of thing you are talking about, and I try to avoid doing that as well. Even with my friends, ‘‘I’m feeling bummed about X’’ will suffice. Usually they know me well enough to understand the context and history of that statement and it’s not necessary to go into detail. For example (and this is totally invented and not relevant to my actual life) I might say, ‘‘I’m feeling bummed about the breakup because I keep worrying I might have done something wrong.’’ The person I’m talking to already knows about the breakup, why it happened and my general feelings about it. There’s no need to elaborate more than say, a paragraph. Then I usually try to end on a positive note, ‘‘But I realize there are plenty more fish in the sea, so I’ll be fine. I’m doing A and B and C to move forward.’’ I guess when you recover from a life filled with negativity you begin to tolerate it less and less in your personal relationships. I don’t really want to hear other people bitch about their lives either. Providing emotional support through difficult times is one thing… fixating on one crisis after another to the exclusion of all else is a totally other thing.
This is another good point. I am an extremely introverted person. I’m not a ‘‘talk to strangers on the street’’ kind of person. I’m barely even a ‘‘call my friends on the phone’’ kind of person. I spend a lot of time just by nature of being introverted thinking about my life and my feelings – ideas and emotions and the big picture matter to me more than events and actions and small details in the grand scheme of things, and that probably at some point comes out in my social interactions.
You’ve kind of helped me here because what I wrote wasn’t really what I would call an ideal approach to this issue. Maybe I would be better off accepting that there are different kinds of people in the world, some who like to be open about their feelings and some who don’t and some in between, and wherever you fall in the spectrum it’s pretty much okay. And maybe there are some things I’m better off keeping to myself and other things that are important to discuss. Maybe I don’t have to be one extreme or the other.
So thanks. 
Wow, I feel like such an anomaly. (And this thread is still on the first page!)
As those of you who’ve read my posts know, I have shared a LOT of personal info here on the boards. I’m the same way in real life, too; I have no problems divulging info about myself to other people. However, that said, I feel I should add that I do NOT disclose unneeded info about others in my interactions. For example: I have told people in the past “I loved the movie _____! But the ending was so sad, and I cried quite a bit. It even took me a few days to get over that ending.” I would never dream of adding “My husband also cried, can you believe it? He’s such a tough guy, and it was shocking to look over and see tears running down his cheeks.” I just feel that if others want their info known, it’s up to them to share it.
On the other side of that coin, I only feel comfortable when we’re not on “my turf.” Here on the Dope, or at someone’s house, or in a group setting like a restaurant, it’s all well and good. But if people are at my house, I get intensely uncomfortable - you’re invading my space! - or if my husband and I go to a family function at my aunt’s house (opposed to his aunt’s) I clam up and get very quiet.
I think it stems from a worry that I will upset people, mostly because I am very opinionated and don’t apologize for what’s in my head. It doesn’t even quite make sense to me, but deep down I guess it’s better for me to be in that position while I’m out and about, rather than having a confrontation in my own home.
shrug I dunno, I’m just weird.
You know, I’m like this too, and now that I think about it, that probably has a lot to do with why I’m so reluctant to discuss mundane things like the events of my life, and my likes and dislikes. They just aren’t a big part of who I am. To me, thoughts are much more important than actions.
I also think that since I spend so much time analyzing my own feelings, sharing them with others rarely reveals anything I didn’t already know. So I end up feeling like I made myself vulnerable for nothing AND I wasted the other person’s time. OTOH I learn a lot from hearing about other people’s thoughts and feelings, so overall I’m a big fan of sharing personal info–as long as I’m not the one doing the sharing. That’s why I spend so much time lurking on the SDMB! I often feel like I should post more, but I get a lot more out of just reading what others have posted.
Private person IRL- on the Dope, less so.
I don’t volunteer a lot of info, but I probably wouldn’t lie or evade if asked a personal question. I just don’t think other people are that interested in the minutiae of my life.
Example.
On the boards I’ll reply to “ever kissed a person of the same sex” thread.
IRL I wouldn’t volunteer the information unless asked outright, but wouldn’t lie if I was asked.
Currently working in psych, so I work with a lot of people who chronically overshare, as well as some who more or less refuse to divulge any personal information whatsoever. While I don’t need to know your preferred method of birth control, it’s quite awkward finding someone is off on paternity leave for their 4th child when you didn’t even know they were a parent! There needs to be a happy medium.
I’m kind of weird in this respect. It depends on who is asking and how I feel about the tone of their voice. Certain people use a tone of voice that I associate with trustworthiness and genuine interest in my life. These people I will tell almost anything. Other people have a tone of voice that sounds needy or judgey or laced with an agenda or has a trace of fear. These people I avoid answering their questions even if it’s seemingly innocuous like “how are you” or “what are you doing today”.
I am the least private person in the world, I think. The only things I won’t discuss are sex, politics and religion and that is only with my immediate family. Those topics tend to cause arguments so we steer clear of them, but as far as I am concerned my life is an open book and I find it refreshing when I meet other people who feel the same way. I try to keep a lid on it with people I don’t know very well though, simply to avoid frightening them.
I have learned to be more private in RL due to the bereft and out of control feeling that comes after sharing with someone who does not then reciprocate. I hate that there are things out there that people in my community may or may not know about me because I felt the need to share and be heard in years past–not properly evaluating my choice of listener well. But there’s nothing I can do about it now. Also, given the essential narcissism of most people, I doubt my verbal indiscretions are on anyone’s mind today.
I was a very naive person, looking back. I thought one shared with friends because they were friends. I thought being honest (not cruel) was an absolute must. I thought a lot of things that ended up hurting me in the long run.
I’m very private.
IRL, outside of work I don’t talk to strangers. At social events I will cling desperately to someone I know, and only talk to others when we are in a mix of others that I know. Going to a few Dope Fests have been about the only exception to this, where I can make myself believe that exchanging posts is a pre-existing relationship.
Also, I can’t shake the feeling that if I simply start talking uninvited to a stranger, I am invading their privacy. It just seems impolite, though AFAICR I’ve never actaully heard anyone express that as a genuine social rule.
On the job I have to talk to strangers and give directions to people I don’t know all the time. It doesn’t bother me at all.
THIS. Every. Word.
Yes.
I’m very private, and I treat everyone as if they treasure privacy as much as I do.
Not long ago someone at work came to me and asked for a ride to the emergency room. I drove him there. I didn’t ask any questions.
A couple of days later his boss took me aside and asked why I hadn’t told her that I took Fred to the ER (Fred had called her to say that he would be out). I told her that it wasn’t my place to tell her anything about Fred. She then said, “When he called, Fred said, ‘Gus would never tell anyone anything like that.’” Fred gets it.
When people ask, “What did you do this weekend?”, I want to reply, “None of your business”. But I understand that they’re only making small talk, so I say, “Nothing”. This, however, has had unintended consequences. After hearing about my 100th consecutive weekend of doing nothing, a co-worker asked if I was a serial killer. If people don’t have anything to go on, they seem to assume the worst. Most of what people think they know about me are lies that I told to get people to leave me alone.
I’m not a very private person at all. I don’t just go around throwing out personal information, but I can think of only one question that I wouldn’t answer truthfully if asked (and you can’t know what it is, neener). My life is an open book, free to read, but it’s not going to read itself to you.
I will share quite a bit with close friends and, for that matter, folks on this board.
However, I tend to think that “How are you?” is more of a token greeting than a sincere inquiry on the part of most people. I don’t usually ask it unless I know already that the person has been sick or grieving or something.
I don’t feel that it’s necessary to volunteer lots of information about myself, where I work, etc. to strangers, even if I’m on a multi-day bus trip with a tour group and we’re being social.
I don’t enjoy hearing intimate details about sex and their husbands’ private parts from some of the other women in my girls’ night out group. I usually try to change the subject or just sit it out.